AIBU to be seriously fuming that hospital want to take my NB from me 30 mins after birth for up to 12 hours?! GOOD ADVICE REALLY NEEDED!

[UmSami]

I was initially going to post this in AIBU, but thought that Childbirth may be a better forum...I apologise if I am wrong, and especially apologising for having a rant in this normally tranquil zone!
First of all, please allow me to clarify that I am not based in the UK, and you shouldn't encounter such crazy policies for your own labours...DON'T WORRY!
Anyhoo, I am 40+2 with my second, and my Obgyn has just been over for a visit (she's a friend too, I'll be seeing her professionally tomorrow.
Well, it has just come up in conversation that it is hospital policy to take your baby from you 30 mins after birth and place them in a nursery where they will be monitored for between 6 & 12 hours
I knew of this policy earlier, actually finding out whilst I was in the UK, but made it clear at that point that there was no way I would accept that without clear medical need, and would rather stay in the uk. DH spoke to obgyn and she said it would be ok...
Then today, obgyn says it is hospital policy and out of her hands, I questioned re skin to skin and bf, she said well you have 30 mins [anger]... she questioned what would happen if baby became cyanotic, had convulsions etc...I was like well I won't just sit and watch..I'll call someone...she stated there are no paeds on hand in mat word, hence baby needs to be in nursery...
I am really fuming with this...its completely against the grain for me, ds whilst having a consultant lead complicated birth, that was classed as an obstetric emergency, was left with me after paed assistance being given in rrom, and was on boob for an hour!
I really don't know what to do about this..I don't want to upset my friend...I can't think of anyone I'd rather have deliver this baby...I don't want to start looking for another hosp now...thats stupidity, but I also don't see how I can have this baby in that environment, i'm just now so stressed...I also dont want to make a rash decission that leads to medical care not being available in the unlikely event that something does go wrong.
What do you think?

Strangely when I read the op I thought, oh, how awful.
But then I remembered my own dc's births (18 and 16 years ago) in a small maternity hospital in Ireland. And like that the baby was taken from the delivery ward when the mom went back to the ward for her well-earned cup of tea, and was given back the next morning.
In the meantime baby was brought for a breastfeed if mother wanted, and either parent could go to the nursery to sit holding baby if they wanted. But the idea was that the mother got a good night's sleep. To be honest it was great. I didn't feel the baby was taken, I knew I could go get them if I wanted, but I was so worn out after 3 and 2 days of labour each time, that I couldn't have coped well with them.
So I guess I'd advise that you wait and see how you feel. If they take the baby away maybe use the chance for a rest. Then when you wake up go and visit the nursery. I can't imagine they'll refuse you entry. If you really don't want to be parted from your baby then, well just stick to your guns and walk out with him. You may appreciate the chance to recover from the birth, so don't worry too much yet. No one will keep the baby from you against your will.
Good luck.

could you go to another hospital? not sure where you are but that isn't standard practice throughout the Gulf; I realise you can't just run to another city when you go into labour but you wouldn't have to travel as far ahead of time as you would to go back to the UK.

Hi UmSami,
like I said earlier just keep saying la shukran and if they try to take her away phone me and I'll come and kick arse. Like Rog said, the nurses will probably all be filipinos so probably won't be brave enough to argue with you. They tried it with me when I had G at Mamlaka hospital so just be firm. Repeat after me, la shukran, la shukran.
BTW, loved your comment about consanguinity, not heard that phrase for years and it was always one of my favourite words when I studied family law.
Hope you've managed to figure out the car seat! x

Thank you all for the words of support...I'm glad it's not just me who is ready to flip at the idea...I'll readily admit to being a namby pamby mum!
My first response was to change hospital...but as I'm already overdue that WOULD be irresponsible...DH put his foot down there
My next was well, I'll just have the baby at home then..but that would be without any medical help...so I'll admit thats also a tad irresponsible...
So I took the logical and less hormonal approach and spoke to DFIL...I was nervous as thought he would just think 'that crazy hippy's coming up woth her crazy hippy ideas again' relief! he was totally on my side and it seems he was opposed to the nursery being built in the first place...he totally agrees that its cultural and cant see the need...he will have a few quiet words tomorrow and see what he can do...unfortunately this is a who you know society, ward sisters and nursing staff do not have the same control of wards, and patients are not treated in the same way as they are in the UK...consultants are still 2nd only to God here...anyway, fingers crossed he will have some impact...also as I have told him how strongly I feel about the situation he knows that I WILL DISCHARGE MYSELF, or CREATE A SCENE...so he has been forewarned!
DH is plan B...that involves...TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF MY CHILD...SHE IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE...he spoke to my Obgyn and clarified the point...
SO all in all, things are going as well as can be expected...I AM very bad at conflict so am very stressed about the whole thing and am worrying to a silly degree, but at least I know I have people who have my back...Oh and if all else fails, I'm calling mumoverseas to kick some serious ass!
By the way, one R shaped tantrum later and the base is still in the car...think we may have to cut the seat belt to give it you back! LOL...it's probably so simple...Thanks again! x

Mrsbring...sheer brilliance by the way...if I get desperate i'll try it...whilst frantically itching of course!

hi UmSami, our blardy hotmail is still not working so have to message you through here. I'm sure its something very simple with the car seat. After all, if my R could do it.........
Maybe it will be easier to sort in the daylight! If not, I'll have to get my R to borrow the nasty green car again and pop over and show you. I remember it was quite simple to do, its just the first time its probably a bit fiddly!

You need to stop worrying about upsetting other people and do what is best for you and your baby. So FIL and OB get upset? So what? The world will not end. You are your child's number one advocate and this policy is wrong and stupid.

Either check yourself out early or just refuse to give up the baby.

You need to start standing up for that baby NOW!

Hi all, again, thanks for all the words of support...the story so far...
After a sleepless, emotional night, I went to see Obgyn today as scheduled, and insisted that DH leave work early to come with me...
Obgyn raised issue first...she said she'd spoken to paed and he had said that the minimum they could take the baby for was 2 hours and paeds would agree to that...rules are rules blah blah...
DH immediately went into the its a stupid policy, there is no way,you are taking her, rules are to be broken...why why why...it's crazy it needs to be changed...
I decided to play diplomat...I was like, no I can accept that in this society, without the nursery in place babies may be neglected in early hours, things may be missed, mums expect to sleep...but that is not me, and the impact of removing the baby on me and her short and long term needs to be considered. Said there was no way I would get through labour in my current state of mind and with the fear of this hanging over me...High BP helped cement this! I mentioned consanguinity and congenital abnormalities, and how a conservative course of action may be sensible here...but pointed out that there is no such elevated risk for DH and Me...
Stated I don't want a scene in delivery room, but if they try and take baby it WILL HAPPEN.
Ultimately said...if you provide me with a paper giving supporting evidence that a nursery is the best course of action I'll discuss it, but until then, I wont.
I clarified that if I elect to keep baby with me, signing disclaimers that peads will still be easily accessible...confirmed...
Oh and the only reasons for this is to provide basic checks...I suggested that these could be done at birth,...and that baby maintains temp...adv she can be bathed by me or nurse prior to discharge and temp assessed then...They bathe babies here prior to giving to mum...FGS...I confirmed that she will be delivered onto my abdomen for immediate skin to skin...my poor Obgyn...think she's traumatised by the crazy English woman!
Anyway, still feel rubbish, but better than I did...fingers crossed DH and DFIL can sort things out further tomorrow as am booked for induction monday
Mumoverseas...thanks for offer...good news we finally got base out of car this afternoon...now all we have to do is learn to put it back in! x

oooh good for you, sounds like you stuck up for yourself with some reasonable arguments.
I still stick by what I said earlier, few issues are worth falling out with friends and family over but this is one of them!! The thought of having to hand my newborn DS over to an institutionalised nursery would terrify me.

woo hoo, go UmSami! methinks you are learning to kick some saudi butt! Good news is, we may (insha'allah!) have our car back Monday night! Actually, thinking about it, they didn't say WHICH monday! If they try to steal her, I'll head straight to NGH! Good news, is you are only about 20 mins from our compound.
Glad R managed to sort out car base. You can actually use the seat on its own without the base and just use the car seat belt to strap it in. that is REALLY easy as I've done it myself as used to take G on shopping bus in it without the base.
Keep eating the pineapple and keep me posted! x

LOL mumoverseas...thank you...just don't forget...DONT DRIVE YOURSELF! As much as I'd like to try it, I doubt hormonal rage is sufficient excuse for a woman to drive...
Might try car seat without base...I thought it probably did...it's an over & around fit right? Diaganol bit around the back and accross bit over feet through 'notches'...will play and see!

Are women not allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia? Seriously??

georgimama SERIOUSLY !

I had my daughter under GA and didn't see her till she was five hours because we were both too ill and receiving our own separate care. It was one of the worst things I've ever been through and had a big impact on my relationship with her. Not trying to scare you, I just wanted to say please don't let them take your baby from you! You're right it's great if this is the first step to someone else raising your child but if that's not your thing (I see you described yourself as a hippy so I guess it's most definitely not!) then it will be the end of the world. Sounds like you both did a good job with the obgyn, I hope that you get a good result. Do you think he will continue the protective "hands off my wife and child" father routine after you've given birth?

BTW, with carseats, I try to think of it as being the same as with an adult, lap belt over the lap.

As another poster said, I also cannot see how they can enforce this.
I would simply refuse to let them take your baby away - am sure they will not wrestle him/her awy from you and then discharge yourself as soon as possible.

sorry am bit behind so please ignore previous post, good for you and hope things go well...
What a very strange way to deal with newborn babies

I don't know the system there, but could you simply ask that any checks be done in your room/ward?

Sorry if this is a stupid suggestion...

I don't know the system there, but could you simply ask that any checks be done in your room/ward?

Sorry if this is a stupid suggestion...

your instincts seem to be clearly telling you that separation is not the best start for you and your baby, so you need to decide whether there is a way to avoid it and if not going elsewhere at the expense of friends/ family approval. I take it home birth isn't an option?

Wow that sounds very institutionalised and hope you get what you want UmSami.

Having read the thread I have to say I'm kindof with potoftea! I had a very long labour - 3 days - and crash section at the end of it and if there had been a nursery for me to have had my babe looked after for a few hours I wouldn't have been so wrecked for months and months - as it was we roomed in with our babies and it was hell.

I hope you have a quick and easy delivery and get everything on your list - but don't turn down the nursery if you need time to recover, rest and sleep.
Birth is unpredictable and you need to be in tip top form, to look after your baby afterwards, and a good rest / sleep after the birth is essential.

I do wish the large hospital in Ireland where I gave birth had had a nursery, as I needed a few hours to recover, and I didn't get even one hour, and we (our whole family) paid for it for months.

Anyway, best of luck and hope everything goes swimmingly for you and your babe.

Thanks all for support and advice...
Still pushing for paed to check baby in room, I cannot see any medical reason why not...it's sheer stupidity otherwise... To be honest just trying to focus on positive now as am very stressed about induction tomorrow...changing hospital now is really not an option...I am 5/6? days over...man I'm confused now!
I'm stressed that this may be the most horrible experience ever...I do not want my baby entering world to arguements [sob] what the feck is these peoples problem? They are not fecking God! SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!.
This is my second baby, and I know how exhausting birth is, I'm not opposed to seperation if medical need...but I won't do it for some bloody consultants convenience, or because some jobsworth is incable of seeing patients on a case by case basis, as individuals...RANT RANT RANT...aaaaaaaaagh, very stressed UmSami having a moment...sorry!

The only reason you should be separated from your baby, in my opinion, in the first few hours is to wash the blood etc off your body, have a pee, and eat your toast and drink cup of tea. The rest of the time you should have no visitors unless really necessary, should be able to sit down holding your new baby, lie next to them, cuddle skin to skin and feed them as much as possible, think about all the stuff that has just happened to you both, and brush your teeth. If anything had interrupted this flow of events when DD and DS were born, I would have called the police. It is essential that you do not let any idiot tell you what they think you should do of course, so feel free to ditch my advice, but I would recommend my plan and not the stupid hospital's. As long as you have a sink and a bedpan in your room there isn't even any need to go out to wash or pee, but I would recommend you have a shower at least. They can fuss over other people's babies in their ridiculous nursery, not yours.

Woollymummy in an ideal world. I would have done anything to be with my baby but she was 31 weeks and needed assessing and stabilising; and I'd just come round from a GA suffering from pyrexia. I remember being able to only open one eye and trying to convince Mum I was OK when she said I had to open my eyes before I could see her "they're open" "both of them... at the same time" (as my eyes swapped over).

Warn them that you will sue them if your lo is NOT delivered onto your abdomen covered in blood etc, and that anyone seen washing, dressing babies in that room will be threatened with disciplinary action. No little babies need to wear clothes or have silly baths until their mummies have sniffed them all over and kissed them many times, plus tried to stick their nipples in their faces. That is what being born is all about FGS.