Has anyone had counsellling following a difficult birth?

[HellStones]

Doea anyone have any experiences they'd be willing to share?
8 months on from ds's birth I am still struggling to deal with it a bit; dh is trying to cnvince me to have some counselling but I'm not convinced I need to (or want to tbh)

Yes. I had couples counselling with my husband via Relate. Initially, it wasn't specifically to address my difficult birth experience, but it transpired that the birth had had a huge impact on all areas of my life, particularly my relationship with DH, and was a contributing factor to my PND. It wasn't a magic solution, but it helped me to come to terms with the whole thing a bit - and also helped DH be much more sympathetic.

I didn't have actual counselling but I did see the 'birth reflections' midwife at our local hospital. I had had an emcs and just couldn't get it out of my head so needed to go through it. Turns out DS was in more danger than I realised so they were perfectly sensible to do a cs and now I'm glad they did and it's never bothered me again. She also confirmed my suspicions that the post-natal care is crap, it wasn't me being useless. I realised I had coped pretty well, all things considered.

You could try that first to clarify what happened and why, then if you still need to talk try some counselling.

What if you wrote down your birth story (either here or just for yourself)? It might help to a) make some sense of it and b) see which bits get you particularly emotive and then perhaps do some thinking around that. If it brings up stuff that seems a bit too big to deal with from within your family then perhaps re-consider counselling.

(I am biased pro-counselling, I am a counsellor - but it will only work when you are ready for it and want it. No point at all otherwise.)

Thanks. I think dh was a bit traumatised by it as well but he deals with it very differently to me.
I got a copy of my hospital notes and accept that what happened was unavoidable but it still bothers me. Dh saw this counsellor a few years ago and is very keen for me to see her so I suspect it may be affecting me more than I realise
I'm just not convinced that there is any need or if it would help...

thanks.
I did write down my birth story somewhere on here and talked about it a bit then(VictorianSqualor started a birth trauma suport thread at one point) but I did find it quite painful going over it so try not to think about it too much. Talking it through would be very very hard and not necessarily helpful when time might be the best solution anyway iyswim.

Hi Hellstones.

I had a difficult birth. A few months later I received cognitive therapy after suffering Post traumatic stress disorder and generally being depressed during operations I had to have as a result of the damage.

In the weeks after my son was born I felt like I'd been atttacked, or run over, but everyone wanted to hear just how ecstatic I was about it all and I couldn't relate. This made me feel a failure and affected the bonding process.

I can honestly the counselling freed me from a kind of "broken heart" I thought would never go. It's very helpful to talk about what happened, and allow yourself to feel really bloody sorry for yourself!!
Then you can start to face it and recover.

Please do this for yourself... Your GP can refer you if you tell them you're struggling to move on. You may find there's a waiting list so the sooner the better.

Good luck!

Part of my reluctance is that atm i'm dealing with it day to day bu bringing it all back up would bring lots of emotions back to the surface.
I'm not sue if this is a case where time would heal without lots of thoughts and memorie resufacing.
This is a private counsellor so i could se her asap (she would do a home visit too)

sorry was sick of my halloween name!

I think if it affects your daily life, realtionships and feelings about yourself then you should.

If you really feel time's a healer then maybe see how you feel in a few months?

If however, really that means you push something down instead of facing it, which deep down will fester and cause you stress and upset, don't ignore it.

Thanks again. What you said has made sense so I am still mulling it over. I just need to decide what to do now! Dh is still keen for me to do it as he thinks I am finding reasons not to rather than making a rational choice to go for it...