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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

DH is hospital boss - worried about birth

12 replies

thebossesmissus · 09/03/2005 12:08

I am expecting no. 2 soon but I am worried because DH is a big boss at the hospital - everyone knows him and I don't think he is too popular as he has brought in a lot of staff cuts etc.

I am worried that he is going to be thinking of the whole birth in terms of 'service delivery' and I'm worried that he's not going to be thinking in terms of our needs as a couple. I don't think he will switch off.

There are no other hospitals nearby and I don't want a home birth. Advice welcome please.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

handlemecarefully · 09/03/2005 12:19

Talk to him about it, express your concerns to him?

Original poster

thebossesmissus · 09/03/2005 12:21

To be honest I don't think he realises how he turns into work mode - even when I mention the midwife he turns into the big boss man.

I would like to suggest having someone else as my birth partner, but I don't have any close friends that I would want there.

Anyone just gone in by themselves?

OP posts:

Marina · 09/03/2005 12:22

Maybe you need a doula? Like a friend, but you do pay them? There is at least one on Mumsnet and I know for a fact she is wonderful at her job. She will be able to tell you more - her name is Pupuce.

Original poster

thebossesmissus · 09/03/2005 12:24

I've read about Doulas but then seem more geared up for drug-free births, whereas I really want a lot of pain relief. Would that be a problem?

OP posts:

handlemecarefully · 09/03/2005 12:31

Actually I did deliver on my own. I went into labour 4 days early and dh was at work and although he left as soon as I rang him he didn't get to labour ward in time.

Tbh I really enjoyed just being on my own with the midwife and getting on with it. But then I am an intensely private person about certain things.

Marina · 09/03/2005 12:36

The doulas I know listen to what the mum wants and support her in that. I would assume that if you want lots of pain relief they will ensure you are listened to by the health professionals...

uwila · 09/03/2005 12:44

I think that a doula sounds like a good idea. Just tell her up front what kind of birth you want, and make sure dh and hospital staff are aware of this. Document your desires in a birthplan as well as in your maternity notes. I take it you are expecting a straight forward vaginal birth? Was your last birth straight forward?

Prettybird · 09/03/2005 12:46

Why not write a draft Birth Plan and then ask him for his comments - and for his commitment to support you in its principles - (at the same time as recognising that births don't always go the way you want/imagine - and that you might actually change your mind about some things once you are in labour.)

Think the idea of a doula is a good one - and from what I know, they will support you in whatever form of birth you want - including drugs. But having one might mean that you will feel less need for them once you are in labour, becasue the doula wil help you feel more in control and will know how to help you to relax.

alibubbles · 09/03/2005 13:23

I am a doula, we do not favour any type of birth, doulas are there to support the mother in her decisions about the way she wants to give birth, and help you stick to want you want. we do not give any medical advice or interfere in any way with the hospital and their procedures. Doulas are a friend, supporter and comfort for women.

pupuce should be able to give you lots of info as she is a birth doula, whereas I am a post natal doula. I will see if I can find her link

bonym · 09/03/2005 13:26

This is Pupuce's website

pupuce · 09/03/2005 21:42

A doula should not suggest any prefered birth... it is your body and your birth.... (not even your husband's!) and the doula should support you and your choices.... True most women who have douals tend to use less pain relief but that's not because we withhold it LOL
Feel free to CAT (contact another talker) or use my website below to contact me for any info about doulas.
Not considering a home birth ?

titchy · 10/03/2005 10:33

How was he at the birth of no. 1? How involved in your pregnancy has he been - as a father, and I don't mean when seeing/talking about the midwife - how is he when you talk about your baby? Is he exited about having another baby? Agree entirely about discussing your birth plan with him. Hopefully when it actually happens he will switch into expectant father mode, with all the exitement and worries that brings, but even if he doesn't (and I'm sure he will once baby is actually on the way) at least you know your birth plan will be adhered to and you shouldn't have to wait too long for your pain relief!

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