39 wks pregnant and getting terrified of planned home birth vbac

[bingotrons]

anyone got any advice/reassurance, i'm getting myself in a right old state!!!

background is was induced 2 years ago, 5 days in hospital all interventions imaginable ended up with emergency c-section, all fine.

this time, i want to try and have a natural birth preferably at home if there are no complications, have great supportive midwives all is looking good baby in great position all fine except i am soooo anxious about it that i keep thinking that i should just have an elective c-section, i know the risks and i don't fancy the long recovery with an active 2 year old. natural looks better.

saw consultant today, wanted to ensure that i won't have any indcement if things didn't start naturally, they've agreed that after suggestion that i could get my waters broken (no thanks) but consultant seemed quite negative about me naturally going into labour without having sweeps. I REALLY don't want a sweep after last time..... Consultant and Midwife seem to think that I probably will have to if i want to get a natural birth

If nothing happens, I want an elective c-section and i have one booked for 2 weeks after due date, i will have a scan at 41 wks and a half to check all is fine and if i want one earlier can probably get it.

But i think i need therapy or something, my anxiousness doesn't feel normal and i defo don't want to go through all this again. I just want the baby to magically appear. It doesn't help that I'm not sleeping much cos I'm soooo bloody uncomfortabel

Anyone help please ?

forgot to add that i've been having crampy p pains for the last day..... could be start of something?

Hiya

Right. I was in almost exactly the same situation 2 years ago. I'd had my dd1 by emcs after my waters broke and nothing happened, pessaries did nothing, ended up on synto drip after meconium stained waters, blah blah all went wrong, we thought dd had died as they lost her heartbeat and it ended in emcs.

I brushed all my feelings of it to the back of my mind. Almost 2 years later I was due with dd2 and after alot of umming and aahing I choose to vbac. My date were moved 18 days back and I wanted a elcs booked at 41 weeks by scan (so 3+ weeks overdue by lmp) and was in a right state at the end. I too felt like my anxiety wasn't right and I felt very depressed and just all over the place.

I had her naturally at 40+10. I did have a sweep but I was already in latent phase by then.

After 9 months after dd2's birth I still wasn't feeling right and was diagnosed with pnd. Then whilst in counselling for the pnd I was diagnosed with ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) from dd1's birth and it all came flooding out how I'd felt assaulted and mistreated in hospital. I think the ptsd made me feel so anxious re childbirth afterwards but I never knew that was why at the time. I just thought I was going mad.

So long story short is that I had a sucessful vbac. And this time round (I'm 14 weeks preg) I am planning a home water birth and I feel so relaxed and in control of it. My counsellor helped me immensely (I went private with a counsellor specialises in pnd and birth issues) and I'm so glad I did it. Is there any chance you could go see someone? You might be able to book in the next few days and might feel like talking about it with someone for an hour might really help.

Also have you got a local vbac support group? I run one in Brighton and I know there are lots of them around. Also there are some nct birth stories groups which allow you to talk through what happened and your anxieties related to it.

hello bingo, not sure that I can be much help but didn't want you to go reply-less (now, while I spend ages typing, you'll probably have lots of responses ).

Your worries sound totally normal. Uncertainty is a horrible thing to deal with - remind yourself that you will cope with whatever you have to, that it probably won't be as bad as you are imagining, and that actually you might well have the labour you are hoping for.

Think about how you want to see yourself coping with it - if you find yourself imagining the worst, fine, then imagine yourself being calm and coping with that worst.
But please don't question yourself or beat yourself up for feeling anxious - it is not a sign that you're not coping!

Above all, be nice to yourself now - do things that relax you as much as you can, speak to friends etc that you know you feel supported by, that kind of thing.

I hope the pains are a sign of something, you never know!!

Just wanted to add that the nct support groups are free. And your local branch might have contact details of a support person you could call over the phone or talk to on email. I'm happy to talk to you over email if you think it would help?

hiya - just wanted to add, having read babymt's post - I don't mean to dismiss your concerns, and think that if, knowing yourself, you really DO think you're not coping and that the anxiety is not normal, tell your midwives/GP, and get some support.

I guess what I was saying before is that it is natural, particularly if you've had a previous difficult birth, to be worried and to want to avoid repetitions of the bad stuff. But that being worried in itself is not a sign that you're not coping or that things will go wrong. Hope that makes sense.

thanks for your replies.

babymt, good to hear that you had a natural birth 2nd time round, sorry to hear about your pnd and ptsd. i have made an appointment with a hypnotherapist, am hoping they might be able to help. i wasn't diagnosed with pnd last time, but then i haven't really spoken to anyone about this. just all of a sudden today i'm soooo anxious and don't know what to do.

i'm not aware of a local vbac group, i live in se london, i have got a local nct branch i could get in touch with. i have a few friends who have had home births, all positive experiences, no vbacs tho. think i will do some searching, thanks for offering to help me. how do we get in touch?

spink, thanks for your kind words.

xxxx

I have no idea how to add my email address to my profile but I'll post it on here and see if it appears. I'm newish to mumsnet so don't really know how it works.

[email protected]

Hypnotherapy is supposed to be fantastic. I'm due to have some myself and I'm going to go on a hypnobirthing course too.

Oh and I thought you might like to hear that after my very long drawn out phaff of a first birth in which I only got to 3cm before cs (over 4 days). My vbac was 3.5 hours of established labour. So very quick. I was incredibly suprised! But it can be quick and easy.

Bingotrons: if you're still reading this: I've been there, traumatic emcs first time, lots of agonising about what to do for 2nd, finally going for home VBAC, which couldn't have gone better.

It's SO natural to feel wobbly just now, you're at a very delicate stage of the process, nearly at your time, and hormones all over the place. And of course all the traumatic memories of last time. I couldn't have gone through with my VBAC without the support of an excellent email support list - go to Yahoo.groups and search for UKVBACHBAC. They're a lovely group of women, including some midwives. I found them through emailing a query to www.caesarean.org (have I spelt that right??), and the women on there were really helpful too.

Wishing you a beautiful birth
Hypnobirthing helped me too.

Hi bingotrons. Where in SE London are you? I'm an NCT teacher, doula and homebirth contact in SE London. I'm really interested in the fact that you've had support for your homebirth from your midwives. A mum from one of the courses I taught as a student two years ago contacted me this week - she's expecting her second baby in a couple of months - wants a home vbac but is coming up against a brick wall. I'd be very interested to know which midwifery practice you're with and how much discussion you've had with them. I'm wondering if you come under Kings and are with the Albany team.

Hope you're feeling calmer now. I think last minute terrors before homebirth are probably more common than people think. I was bricking myself before my second birth (a homebirth) because I was high risk (gestational diabetes) and had somehow absorbed so much doom mongering from negative midwives and consultants that it had shaken my confidence at a basic level. Had baby at home though, and all was well. Wishing you the same!

Thanks flimflammum, v interested to hear how your home vbac went after an emcs, glad all went well and yes i'm v wobbly, was in tears all over the place yesterday. i will have a look at the websites you've mentioned and i've called up a clinic to speak to someone about hypnotherapy, they probably won't get back to me till monday now.

Tittybangbang, i've 'catted' you, didn't want to get too specific on here. glad you managed a homebirth at home despite the gestional diabetes.

my c-section scar has gone red, should i be worried about that or am i finding more things to scare myself with?

and thanks everyone for your help and support

bingotrons - don't know what's happened to my CAT - doesn't seem to be working

hello, have sent you another cat, though i think they get forward on working days or something? if you don't get t in the next couple of days will think of something else x