Hi my name is Jess, I live in west yorkshire, I'm an intensive care nurse, married with my now 6 week old boy Elliot.
I just wanted to share my birth story as well as the first 3 weeks o my son's life, more for my sanity to put these events down in writing, then maybe I'd be able to put them behind me and enjoy my little boy.
Please don't think I'm a bad person/mother for some of the feelings I expess, I am dearly in love with Elliot and have now bonded with him.
Elliot was due on the 19th sept 2008, my pregnancy was going well, however I had developed high blood pressure, but had no protein in my urine, therefore the midwives were not concerned. on the 2nd sept 2008 i arrived for my morning midwife appointment, and was told everything was ok with my pregnancy. At around 8pm that night, i started with mild period type pain, as elliot was in the breach position i decided to phone the labour ward for advice. The advice came to take some paracetamol and phone back in half an hour if the pain had not subsided. Half an hour later the pain had worsened, and was now constant with no contractions, i was half expecting my waters to break or to see a show but nothing happened. I phoned the labour ward back and told them this, i was advised to go in to the ward to be checked over. I gathered everything i needed (hospital bag etc) and headed in to the hospital, secretly feeling that this time tomorrow i could be returning home with my new baby. On labour ward i was scanned to confirm the my baby was still breach, and applied fetal heart monitors to check my baby's heart rate, this turned out to be around 80 bpm, the midwife left me saying she was going to find someone, by this time my mum had arrived. A few second later around 6 people rushed into my room, saying is this the bradycardia? in uder 3 seconds i was stripped naked and placed in to a theatre gown, one doctor placed a cannula in my hand, whilst someone else explained that i needed to go to theatre to get my baby out. i instatnly paniced as i didn't want to be put to sleep (THIS WAS DEFINATLY NOT IN MY BIRTH PLAN?) i wasn't given that choice. Very promptly i was wheeled from my room towards the theatre, on the way i told my husband and mum very tearfully i loved them both, thinking to myself that i would never see them again.
In theatre my thoughts moved to my baby, and how i couldn't feel him moving. As i lay on the operating table with an oxygen mask on my face, in the background noise i heard someone say SET UP FOR A CRASH, i tried to distance my self from the situation saying to myself that i'm on a beach, over & over &over, until i felt a warm sensation in my arm.
The next thing i remember was being asked to wake up by a midwife. I was in extreme pain but couldn't remember why! In the dark recovery room a photo was thrust in front of me by the midwife, and was told that this is your son, unable to focus, i didn't know what i was looking at, when i asked if he was ok i wasn't expecting the reply that i got, that they weren't sure yet??? I couldnt accept this answer and kept asking the question over & over but getting the same reply everytime.
My husband was allowed to come and see me, i asked him if he'd seen our son yet, he said that he wouldn't see him without me, however my parents & inlaws had been down to see elliot and said that he looked so beautiful. A few hours later i was wheeled to see elliot for the first time, although i knew he was very poorly, he looked so healthy, he was wired up to drips, had an ET tube and was connected to a ventilator. He looked so small that i didn't think he could be mine, he was looking around and was trying to pull out his ET tube, which he eventually did this and was able to breathe on his own.
My mum stayed with me on the post natal ward and throughout the night, she would goto scbu/nicu to hand over my breast milk. Around 6am the next morning, we went to see elliot, the nurse looking after him, said that he had been well behaved over night, no less than 5 mins later he rolled his eyes backwards went very red and extended his arms and legs, he'd also stopped breathing and dropped his satration levels to 50%. The nurses started bagging him, i managed to stagger out of the room, with my mum, and remember thinking that he was going to die right in front of my eyes. This was the beginning of his day of fitting. Even though he was given anti convulsing drugs, none of them worked, and he was eventually sedated.
After 24 hours the sedation was turned off and the anti convulsing rugs were re-started.
But we were all petrified that he would start fitting again, during this time, i kept telling myself that i can't get too attached to him, therefore we had to take each day minute by minute, hour by hour, preparing for him to fit again and watching out for the signs that would indicate the fits, however he was so good, that 48 hrs later the anti convulsive drugs were halved, and elliot was moved out of NICU.
He remained very sleepy, i remember saying that 'he's never cried'. The next day he continued to improve and was taken out of his incubator and placed into his own cot, my husband and i were even allowed to do his cares and even have the occassional cuddle,
he became more alert and awake, and started making some normal baby noises.
The docotrs told us to prepare ourselves, for being transferred to another hospital for an MRI scan to be completed on elliot, as his fitting may have damaged his brain, i really didn't want this doing, neither did i want to know the results, however at the beginning of the week, elliot was transfered to the other hospital for the scan. On arrival we found that the majority of the staff, were unhelpful and not interested in providing the level of care which we had been receiving up to present, neither were they concerned with keeping ourselves informed with progress and how things ran on the unit, even down to showing human compassion when they knew that we were away from our home and more importantly our support network (BOTH MUM & DAD'S).
The three days spent there were like HELL, however the MRI scan was completed, following this the remaining dose of elliot's anti-convulsing drug was stopped. Thanks to one very dedicated sister on the unit, we were able to return to our own hospital, very quickly following the scan.
Over the next few days, elliot started to become more and more alert, and had no further fits. The consultant said that he was happy with elliot's progress, and had received a basic report on the scan, which turned out to be generally good news, and was a relief for both myself and hubby.
The nurses asked if we would like to have elliot in his cot, but with us in the flat over night, we both jumped at the chance and continued to have him throughout the weekend. Monday brought a statement from the consultant, that we had longed to hear, we could take elliot home.
The reason I was told Elliot was bradycardic, was due to placena abruption. I was later told that Elliot had arrived within 7 minutes of me being put to sleep. he wasn't breathing and had no significant cardiac effort. he was ressusitated for 2-3 minutes before his heart restarted.
The fitting was probably metabolic as his blood sugar levels were very low, his sodium and potassium levels were deranged.
when he arrived he had suffered a degree of hypoxia as his blood pH level was 6.8. (metabolic acidosis)
In some ways I wish I hadn't had the medical knowledge as this made being a mum hard, as I was unable to hide from the medical figures which suggested the worst could happen.
Having said all this (sorry for being so lond winded) He is a happy little boy doing everything a 'normal' 6 week old baby should be doing. however it doesn't stop me being paranoid, especially about his breathing and chcking when hes asleep to make sure that he is stil breathing.
if you managed to read all of this (good on you!!!) and thanks for listening.
Jess xxx