Am sad whenever I read about The "rush of love' when baby is born

[soooootired]

I have read this over and over again and I feel like I missed out and that I am inadequate because I did not experience that. How many of you did? Or should I say did any of you NOT? I was so out of it and felt so detached that it didnt happen for me. Have suffered moderate PND so could this be a contributing factor?

I remember the minute DD1 was born telling EXH to hold DD. I remeber thinking OMG its a real baby lol Just got on with being a mum and doing as expected. The feelings didn't mount much until she was about 3 month old.

With dd2 I was scared i wouldn't love her as I couldn't imagine loving anyone the same as dd1 but she came out i grabbed hold of her and started crying overwelmed with love.

I felt more besotted with dd3 straight away. She was the first I had gone in labor myself with and was a fab weight where as dd2 had been tiny despite being over due which had resulted in in years of a and e visits, she suffered badly with breathing issues which had always been put down to her being so small when born.

I felt as though with dd3 we had worked together as a team

I realised how much I loved DS when he was 7 weeks old, not immediately at all.

Anna, I don't think it's as simple as easy birth=rush of love. I had a straightforward drug-free birth, and as I say, felt elated afterward, but for me, love grew rather than appearing instantly.

yes, I had a so-called easy birth as well, so not sure there is a link

Did have with first DD, but she was an IVF baby, so think that would happen regardless.
Didnt have with second DD who was conceived naturally, but I was quite ill throughout the pregnancy and had a almighty cold when I went into labour and I think I was just exhausted, but it did come over the following week and now I love them both the same.

No rush of love with ds, trickle of love with dd and weirdly a massive rush of love for my nephew. Adore my children much more than nephew now!

Someone should email this thread to whatever idiot wrote the "rush of love" paragraph that freaked out the poor OP.

I felt fascination with DS1. With DS2 I just wanted to get into that shower...... oh so much....

I didn't feel it and I have beat myself up about ever since. The reality of labour wasn't like I expected from reading books. I felt protective towards ds in the case of injections and looking after him, etc. I didn't feel strong love for a while. He is now 2.4 and everytime I look at him doing something amazing or sleeping I get a MASSIVE rush of love! Perhaps I'm just not cut out for the baby thing? I'm hoping it will be better next time but it has put me off having another.

Didn't with either of my boys and I have always had this feeling that something is wrong with me. I was mightily relieved that they were OK and I thought they were beautiful, but love, no. I do love them now but it took a couple of months to grow.

Reading this thread has made me realise that I am normal, not some sort of emotionless robot. It is not the sort of thing that you go around talking about in RL.

Ah, the power of Mumsnet!

Anthropologist Sarah Blaffer Hrdy writes that feelings of immediate joy after birth are rare in most cultures. In most cultures the mother's response is typically low-key for the first few days. This might be related to the fact that the period around birth is a risky one for the mother and baby.

No rush here either...just felt very very protective - almost a feral instinct really. I remember one of the midwives coming to take him away in the middle of the night to have a canula re-sited and my dh said he thought I was going to rugby tackle her to the ground!!!

I dont think its uncommon or strange - it takes time to get to know your child and to fall in love with them. If you have had a hard time/traumatic time it must take even longer.

My ds is now 5 and the light of my life

i didnt feel that either, not right away. when i was pregnant i was so sure i was having a boy, but she came out a girl. i spent all night in the hospital cursing the fact that she was a girl, i couldnt believe god had been so cruel as to give me a girl.

2 days later at home we were burgled and spent time in the middle of the night with the police. when i went back to bed i looked in her basket and felt it them. as long as she was ok then nothing else really mattered.

now i cant imagine having a boy and wouldnt change the fact she was a girl

Re: the whole feral protective thing. I can remember discussing with DH how we would kill anyone who ever hurt her. And we were serious! I think we've calmed down a bit now. At least, I hope we have, or the first boyfriend to dump her will be in for a bit of a shock.

I had it very much so,nd it was a mixed blessing.

made it very hard when ds fell v ill later that day and taken to NICU, I had to be taken out of treatment room as screaming hysterically.

more important: I do not seem any more besotted with my lo now seven months later than any of my mates with theirs.

The majority of women seem to not have that rush, because they are tired, overwhelmed, in an over-medicalised environment or simply because they don't.

Can't stop you feeling the way you do. These feelings are strong, I still feel I missed out on the early days with ds. I can only say that what you feel is normal and what you experienced is normal too.

dramasequalzero, that's a really interesting point. It would make sense that human mothers aren't "programmed" to love their babies immediately - when until recent times there was such a high mortality rate. When doing my tree I have often wondered how women coped losing so many children in infancy. I read somewhere that people were no less sad to lose a child - but coped so much better because it was more "expected" and growing up you would have known so many others this had happened to. It's unthinkable really - shame there is no mediaeval mumsnet archive anywhere...