35 weeks pregnant with ds2 and TERRIFIED of the birth

[mamamufin]

I had such a traumatic time with ds1. To cut a story short, 2 weeks overdue, a very long labour over days, extremely painful, constant sickness, 3 epidural attempts (could feel the pain dowm one side but could not push), ventouse, forceps, episeotomy, loads of stitches, post-par haemorrage. I am so scared that this is all going to happen again and I know I cant cope. Everyone I speak to tells me not to worry and that its unlikely to be the same this time round but thats not helping me. I do not want a c sec as I am worried about the recovery time with ds1. In order for my labour not to become medicalised and to avoid my complete panik I plan to stay at home during labour for as long as possible. Using hypno techniques to calm me down and a tens machine. However, I live a good 40 mins from the hospital and a I am worried that its too far and I wont manage to get there. How will I know when I need to go in. Also the midwives wont visit me at home during labour or provide gas and air. I am in a complete state. Any advise?

I can't really answer your question sorry but thought i'd reply to you as online. I am planning to have an elective c-section and this is going to be my first baby. it is for reasons like yours that i am so so scared of a natural birth and it has never been on the cards for me. have had nightmares since a child of dying in childbirth and panic every time i think of it.
both c-section and v-birth have pros and cons and it is best to weigh up what is best for you.
if you feel you want a v-birth you really need to fight for what you want. cannot believe that the midwife won't come to you with gas and air, it is just inhumane.
talk to your doctor and midwife about your concerns and say that you need them addressed for your emotional and physical health. bless you and really feel for you.

I can't really answer your question sorry but thought i'd reply to you as online. I am planning to have an elective c-section and this is going to be my first baby. it is for reasons like yours that i am so so scared of a natural birth and it has never been on the cards for me. have had nightmares since a child of dying in childbirth and panic every time i think of it.
both c-section and v-birth have pros and cons and it is best to weigh up what is best for you.
if you feel you want a v-birth you really need to fight for what you want. cannot believe that the midwife won't come to you with gas and air, it is just inhumane.
talk to your doctor and midwife about your concerns and say that you need them addressed for your emotional and physical health. bless you and really feel for you.

Have you thought of hiring a doula? I think you need more support to get through this. There are a few doulas on here maybe they can give you more advice. Lulumama, marslady, hertsnessex.

www.doula.org.uk/

just looked up this for you. heard of them recently

I think a doula would really help you a lot but you will need to move quickly to find one at this stage.

I know it doesn't help, but my second birth was heaps and heaps better than my first one.

Thank you for you reply Ema. I did not intend to frighten any first timers, indeed lots of people have lovely v- births.
You sound like a anxious person like me and I truly respect your decission to have an elective section. i totally understand your dying fears too!
Unfortunately, Its not that straight forward for me as I have ds1 to look after and no family local so really need to be mobile soon afterwards. I know my body is capable of a natral delivery too just really need support of a professional. If I went down the homebirth route I would get the gas and my own midwife however, I am not this brave I just want to do all of my labouring at home with a plan to move when the birth is iniment (sp). It got to come out somehow , there is no going back!

bless you mamamufin. i really really hope that you get the support you need. i am lucky in the fact that i have a support network to help me when i am home and appreciate it so much as i realise there is a recovery time.
goodluck and keep us informed of what you decide and what happens. lots of babydust to youx

Thanks guys x posts. A doula is a fab idea, I will look into this. I wish Id considered it earlier TBH. My Dh is fab though and is totally aware of my feelings and what I want. My mum is great too but I cant have her there as she would panik me and is a bit squemish. I think I need professional support but it does not seem to be an option unless I go for the complete home or hospital delivery.

I also had a terrible time with DD's birth and especially the weeks that followed were extreme torture.

It winds me up to hear people suggest nice music, hypnobirthing, doulas etc as if the fear of second birth after a traumatic first one is irrational, something to be overcome. I see it as your body telling you Don't Do It.

In your place I would go for an elective c-section. And I will, actually. Recovery time of a week/10 days sounds wonderful, considering that the first time I managed to sit (albeit lopsided) was three weeks post-partum. At least with a c-section, I will not cry with pain for weeks and have to breastfeed standing up and crying at the same time.

Sorry, that didn't help

I only reccommend a doula as the op would prefer to have a vaginal birth rarther than a cs. Sorry if thats too hippy for you.

I had a cs, not a pleasant experience overall. Thankfully I had a lot of support.

if you have a homebirth you can transfer to hospital at any time- at least you would have a mw with you instead of labouring alone.

if you are in hospital you can refuse treatment you don't want.

some doulas will work for free or for reduced rate.

you can request an early epidural to get the siting correct before the contractions mean you can't sit still enough to site it properly.

There really is no way you will have the same birth again, it'd be a million to one! It being your second, it's likely to happen faster.

Have you discussed with the hospital why your previous birth happened theway it did, and what can be done to improve your impending birth experience?

The very best of luck, I'll be sending you smooth, easy, painfree birth vibes. x

I can understand your feelings cote, a c section is a very tempting option, but I dont think its right for me. I am sure its very controlled and planned which would be ideal as I am a pannicker but I know its major surgery and dont consider it the easy option.
Thats a really good option about requesting a homebirth and transferring. Do I have to tell them of my intention though? Also have I left it to late? I have got a midwife appointment next week so could discuss it then.
I have told the hospital how scared I am, but have not really had any answers to why my last birth was the way it was. Only that I should try to forget that one and focus on this one. Thanks for the vibes James

You may not have left it too late, but you should know that not every hospital does homebirths, or have the staff available to do them when you want one. Also the fact that you had a difficult first birth with so much intervention may put them off letting you have a homebirth in case you do need assistance this time too- but I'm really just speculating here.

I don't think you should go into having a homebirth with the intention of transferring when things get tough... I just meant that you always have that option if anything was to go wrong or you weren't coping adequately.

I don't think the medical staff routinely discuss previous births with you unless you ask them to- and maybe they haven't grasped just how worried you are about it all. The birth trauma association may be able to help with the way you're feeling.

My birth with ds last year was in no way as traumatic as yours sounds but it has still left me feeling very scared, and my plan next time is to ask about having an early low dose or "mobile" epidural which can be topped up/reduced as necessary. In theory at least, this means you recieve adequate pain relief but can still feel enough to push, therefore lowering the risk of needng intervention. hth

Thanks James Oh that mobile epidural sounds good. I havent heard of that. I am going to talk things thru with my midwife again.
Thank you all so much for your imput