am i the only one PETRIFIED of giving birth???

[niki1]

thought once again id ask you all for some of your thoughts and opinions please...i am 31 + 2 weeks and am extremely fearfull of giving birth.i have seen some births on the web that people pass comment on ie ''how beautifull'' and to me it looks like a horror show!!!i have booked with an independent mw and find that talking to her has helped sooo much.believe it or not i was even more scared a couple of months ago!!! i am planning a home water birth as i live 2 mins from hospital and feel my local hospitals are currently offering very poor care etc etc (thats another thread)!!so the plan is to give birth at home with 2 lovely mw's.HOWEVER i keep having these massive 'wobbles' where i doubt my ability to even give birth and start asking people to describe to me what a contraction feels like and how a baby fits out of there!!! i actually read a thread on mumsnet today about an article in the guardian talking about how elective cs is safer than vaginal birth and how many suffer with terrible problems down below as a result of a vaginal birth!!! this has brought on another big 'wobble'! i am also very keen not to have dh see the whole thing from down there as i feel so uncomfortable just thinking about that......please tell me im not the only one with these horrible irrational thoughts!!

See for me, having not so much planning and expectations but just thinking that the goal is to get the baby out happily and healthily helped I think. Wish I'd gone to antenatal classes and read a bit more though maybe? I do have a great hospital who I trust implicitly though...

PS I tore with both, sitting down difficult for a week first time, this time seems fine.

HYPNOBIRTHING!

I know it's been said but it REALLY helped me. I too was terrified of giving birth and I had 4 sessions with the hypnobirthing trainer, plus I listened to the CD she gave me every night; then because I was overdue (2 weeks in the end) I had another session because the fear started to sneak back in a bit - BEST THING EVER.

Plus take raspberry leaf tabs/tea in the last 2 weeks to help tone everything and improve/ speed up stage 2 labour (the pushing bit)

Good luck!

What Youcanthaveeverything said.

With my 3rd child, I totally lost the plot for the last half hour. Thought I was going to lose my mind.

With my 4th, I decided that any solutions lay in my mind rather than my body. I had a v fast labour with every opportunity to panic (v fast, didn't make it to hospital so didn't get the IV antibiotics for GBS, undiagnosed breech) but the hypnosis techniques helped me stay calm and not panic. What also helped was the lovely midwives (who I knew already), gas and air (which I hadn't liked last time) and homeopathy (there is a remedy for fear - aconite - which worked very well for me).

I was 34 years old and terrified with Ds in 1998 up until I was 38 weeks. At that point suddenly, I calmed and accepted what I was going to do.
Perenial massage is good as has been said before...water births help soften your skin up too and help with pain.
I had Dd at the end of 2006 at the ripe old(er) age of almost 43...water birth again and Dp brought her out of me and cut the cord. I don't recall having the fear this time at all...I would never choose a CS. IMO, I think that giving birth naturally(as long as there is no danger to you or baby)is a truly bonding experience for the three of you. Husbands/partners often gain a huge respect for their wife and women in general because of the extreme work they put into getting their baby out.
Try not to panic. Remember that your body was designed to do this job very well. Good luck.x

Also can I just say that when you are 35/36/37 etc weeks prgt you will be so knackered, so uncomfrtable and so bloody tired that you would do anything to get the baby out! Nature has a way of getting your mind ready for you by making being prgt not a party right at the end.

That first tummy sleep without the bump was bliss for me!

I remember sitting in the car the day before I went into labour sobbing that I couldn't do this anymore as I was so tired and heavy and I hurt. 2.30am the next morning the pains started and I was up and ready even managing to say 'bring it on' between contractions. I wanted it to be over and meet my baby.

am pg with my third and am terrified of giving birth again (after two natural deliveries with no pain relief or tearing)

just so scared - considering a section - seriously

i started crying as soon as i passed the 12-week mark, as i knew that (barring something happening), there was NO WAY OUT NOW.
Used to sit there reading about the pain and sobbing to myself "I can't do this, it's horrible"
but i did, and so will you
thing is, once you get to 36-37 weeks, you won't care how much it's gonna hurt - you just want it over and done with
just think, it's one (ish) day of your life, and there's pain relief if you want it
also, you get a lot of hormones late on that make you go all floaty and "oooooh, it'll be fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine"

The mental side of things can be very important. But for me, once I had been having contractions for over 3 days and in full blown active labour for 10 hours I was exhausted. I had had no sleep, and I couldn't eat or drink as I was vomiting constantly (even after anti-emetics). Things were made worse as DD was back-to-back and so I had to get up and walk around and be upright and change position all the time, using up even more precious energy. That's when I broke down. I had found labour to be very very painful before that, but I managed to hold myself together with breathing (and hypnobirthing) techniques. But there were no more resources. And I still had another 4 hours of first stage and 4.5 hours of second stage to go.

By the way (and I've written this on other threads, so sorry if you've seen it before), while I think that hypnobirthing was very useful to stop the panic for so long, it really got my goat that the hypnobirthing courses will not talk about pain. What I experienced was not "tightening", it was pain. And I think that it's very deceitful to suggest that you will not experience pain "if you're doing it right". Some women will be lucky and not have bad pain, but some women will be in a great deal of pain no matter what, and it is insulting in the extreme to suggest that it's all their fault for not having the mental strength.

OK, off the soap box now.

I agree with mrs.t about hypnobirthing and the pain, but for helping to remove the fear it is excellent.

yes i agree too.also if you have been taught to expect absolutely no pain you run the risk of having contractions and thinking ok so that REALLY HURT therefore everything ive learnt and have been practising with the hypnobirthing is simply not true for me and this equates to even more fear and pain........so do we think though, that going into childbirth with minimal fear and maximum relaxation will result in a LESS painfull birth experience???or is it simply a case of how our body will react physically??? after reading all the posts im feeling there may be an element of a more relaxed and calm mind (as possible anyway) may mean a less painfull birth. has anyone read that grantly dick reed book?(sorry not sure of spelling)

Certainly for me, when I was in control of myself (through breathing etc.) it was "holy crap this is painful" and full-body intense pain. When I lost control it was screaming, climbing up the wall, "I'd rather die than have another contraction" pain. So there was a big difference.

I was exactly the same for months before my dd was born. She is now 6 weeks old and I can honestly say I am looking forward to my next labour! Your body was designed to get your baby out and will let you know when its ready and how you need to do it. It isnt pain free but you do forget it once the baby is out and you are having the first cuddle.

Dont worry, it sounds like you are very prepared, I wish I had been able to get my midwife before I gave birth. Just think of the end result, it is worth it xx

Yes, there was a difference - I fully believe that early labour was relatively easy to cope with because of the breathing techniques - as the pain intensified, the breathing thing consciously went out the window BUT I think the early relaxation helped keep me somewhat zoned out, at least between contractions - stage 2 labour contractions were incredibly painful all around the abdomen and back but I was still zoning out between contractions; and this is where I think the raspberry leaf stuff helped as I only had a half hour stage 2 labour.

If you want, you can read about my experience with raspberry leaf on my blog.

But I still believe that the initial fear removal was one of the most valuable parts of the hypnobirthing.