Third deegree tears- do you ever recover and feel normal again??

[summer73]

Had third degree tear with first baby and what an absolutely horrible experience it was. Its been 6 months still dont feel 'normal' was told I was a mess 'down there' with lots of swelling and brusing (dont think the surgeon was particularly careful when he was throwing me about on the operating table but cant be to critical as he was trying to repair me...!)things have got better but they're definitely not like they were before. At my 6 week checkup a male doctor told me things would never be the same because of the huge amount of damage that had been done (his words not mine) left feeling hysterical and I admit suicidal, I'm to young to spend the next however many years alive in pain. Looking for some reassurance though have convinced myself my body will heal but will always remind me of what happened ie scar tissue rubs when I wear trousers etc.

I had pretty bad tears when I had DS 2 years ago - the poor doctor stitching me up used the words "why on earth didnt they do an episiotomy" when he looked at the mess down below before starting to try stitching me up... however, am pleased to say that I did recover and return to normal, it just took an awfully long time (didnt really feel normal until around 11 months after the birth).

Ignore the male doctor at your 6 week check - make sure you religiously do your pelvic floor exercises (all helps it return to normal) and please try not to despair.

I also had bad tears, not 3rd degree but still not good. Took about 3 months for bruising just to ease.

Its 10 months in now and it is better than it was but still get pains were there is scar tissue and can be really sore sometimes. Have been told that it does get better but can take a while. I still don't feel normal yet either.

My advice would be give it a year, do your pelvic floor excercises etc and if your still having trouble go to a female GP and ask for some help.

Good luck, hope things improve.

I had an episitomy and a 4th degree tear (yes both at the same time!!) with DS2 - have recovered ok now.

Hi, I had a 4th degree tear when I had my son. It did take at least 6 weeks before it started to feel a tiny bit better. I was also quite scared about having sex but things really did improve after a little while. The scar doesn't hurt and I don't even think about it now. xx

You poor thing, 6 months is a long time to not feel normal again and I would push to be referred to a specialist. You may need some corrective surgery or some physio.

Everybody heals differently and at different rates. I have a friend who had 4th degree tear and was fine after 8 weeks and others who had an internal graze and it tooks months for her to feel right again.

It is so personal and I think you definitely need to go and see a specialist. You may need to be a bIt pushy with the GP in my experience. I find crying usually helps. Very distressing and I can understand why you feel this way, it WILL get better but please get some support.

Things will get better. i had an epi and three 3rd degree tears with DS (lots of complications and he just had to come out there and then). it is only now a year on that i am beginning to feel "normal" down below. Ignore your doctor at the 6 week check up - yes things will never be the same as you have had a vaginal birth but with pelvic floor exercises and time, your bits will heal.

I will add i am pregnant again and although sex was uncomfortable to begin with but it gets better again

I had an epi and it took about a year to get back to normal. It was very depressing. It might be worth going back to your GP and asking for a referral.

FWIW judging from your post some medical prefessionals need some serious training about how they speak about our fanjos. They might be brainy but, jeez, they don't have act like idiots sometimes.

Thanks for your replies, I do feel really down about it and even now start crying when I hear about anything birth related even if its in the papers or just on TV. Just wish had been told about the possibility of bad tearing before I gave birth- no-one even mentioned stitches at my anti natal classes! Was shocked when male gp told me I might never recover and yes thecrackfox you're so right, his response was unacceptable, a bit of compassion and understanding would have helped!
Had no idea people still having 4th degree tears, cant imagine what that must be like, 3rd degree horrendous enough.

It will get better Summer73 - believe me, I was in exactly the same place as you after my DS's birth. I found having a debrief, with sympathetic post-natal doula or counsellor, really helped me get through it though. Am now pregnant with no 2 and not fearing the birth or tearing at all - will ensure that the exit is managed as much as possible this time round to reduce pressure on perineum (to reduce risk of tearing) and use the almond oil for perineal massage (again to help stretch that area - didnt bother last time but met a second time mum who had bad tearing first time round and none second time and swore it was all down to this!) and just see what happens.

Try to see a female GP if you're going back for a referral - in my experience, they're much more sympathetic about things like this than male GPs.

Hi
Sorry to hear about your bad experience.I had 2 3rd degree tears, but the Ist one was much much worse and really took me about a year to recover.

I had no idea the pain after stitching could be that bad, and like you was very traumatised by the whole experience.
However things are completely fine now, and with time, they will be with you

I had a third degree tear with DD, caused nerve damage, at least that is what they told me, when I complained that I was still in pain 6 months later. No incontinence problems, for which I am grateful, but it took a full year until I felt no pain, I can still feel the ridge of scar tissue....

It took a while for "marital activities" to be enjoyable again too!

Tearing was my biggest fear of childbirth, much more so than the pain...

Having a c-section for this baby, as I am much too scared to try a Vaginal birth again.

I do hope that you feel better soon.