Finding it hard to accept the c-section I asked for during induction

[debut2026]

I had a Bishop’s score of 4 initially. The balloon got me to 4cm but didn’t start contractions. I had my waters broken but that did nothing. After 8 hours on the drip I had only got to 5cm. I asked for a c-section at that point.

Now part of me wishes I had asked for an epidural and given it a go, but when I see it all written down the other part of me thinks that a c-section was likely on the cards anyway.

Overall it was a positive experience but it also really wasn’t what I hoped for. I’m worried that I’m already building up a redemptive VBAC in my mind and I know that’s so unhealthy. Has anyone else worked through this?

Hi OP, glad to hear your feelings have lessened. I read through as I'm in a similar situation with feelings about my own birth experience.

If you don't mind me asking, was it just time passing that lessened your feelings, or did anything else help?

Why do you even care if your children are healthy?

I had two C-sections, having actually looked at my friend’s grade 4 tear scar I’m glad I did!

I’m sorry that was your experience too. I’ve had ups and downs for a while, really tried to focus on the ups but let myself feel the downs too. It does matter.

Truthfully I have heard some horror stories of real emergency sections and that made me feel very grateful.

At my 6 week check my GP told me there is no reason not to have a VBAC and that was really helpful. I really hope that’s in my future.

The Birth Trauma Association have a helpline which I phoned. A lovely woman listened to me and acknowleged everything.

Ultimately I want to remember the birth as the best day of my life so with time the positives are slowly winning.

Congratulations and good luck.

It might give you more information. Mine revealed that I was much more unwell during my first labour than I had clocked during the process and lots of the interventions that had felt forced on me were in fact necessary to keep us both alive. They didn’t make that clear at the time because they don’t want to freak out a woman in labour. That approach or doesn’t work for me - I’m very factual and evidence based and would have handled it all emotionally much better if they’d just said “we have to do this now because xyz”. As it was I had wasted years feeling like a failure when things were actually quite touch and go.

so it’s worth asking

in clinical terms they wouldn't view it as giving up.

why do you think you need redemption?

are you following any social media accou ts that value a vaginal birth over whatever choice is safest for baby and mother in that individual case? if so, unfollow or mute for a while. S@omeone in real life making you feel you gave up? mute or unfollow them too.

Assuming your baby is healthy and you are recovering, the method of birth is such a tiny part of your motherhood story. Don't let the stories youre telling yourself get in the way of enjoying your nany and motherhood now. It is true that they are only small for such a short time. try to savour it and live in the present.

Ultimately I want to remember the birth as the best day of my life

that's a lot of pressure!

Exactly this.

Honestly, this.

I’ve not had a c-section, the recovery scares me shitless but there’s nothing “wonderful” about vaginal births. They’re brutal, even the “lovely” home births.

As I’ve got older I’ve realised that birth is fucking dangerous and the fact that you both got through it intact is pretty much all that matters.

Let, nobody ever tell you, you took the easy way out a c-section is definitely not the easy way!

I know you think you trying to help but the fact that you start with ‘I haven’t had a cs’ says it all.

You didn’t have a section because you were scared of the recovery. I was too, didn’t matter in the end. You got to push and you got to experience everything I wanted to do. And in fact the section was totally painless. It was the easiest thing in that whole induction. I felt nothing.

That’s the sort of attitude that makes me feel so inferior.

I hate this narrative. Dismissing a woman’s feeling as “it doesn’t matter if the baby is here safely”

how we feel isn’t always logical. It quite often does matter.

i had a life saving c-section. I still grieved the natural birth I had planned, and for ages i berated myself that my body couldn’t do what it was made for. It took a long time to accept what I was as a “failing”.

so o/p or any one else reading, don’t let anyone tell you your feelings around the birth “don’t matter”. They do, and addressing how you feel and working through that will help you heal. also if you have any further births if you’ve worked through it it will help you plan.

your feelings do matter.

You didn’t have a section because you were scared of the recovery.

should say- you didn’t not have a section because you were scared of the recovery, you didn’t have a section because you were lucky enough that vaginal birth was possible.

I had two elective c-sections. No medical reasons, I just thought vaginal birth looked horrific. My sections went well, my recovery was pretty easy and I have two perfect babies - which was the point of the whole enterprise.

Why do you feel ‘inferior’ because you didn’t have to go through what that poster described as a brutal experience? Do you genuinely believe that suffering and pain are somehow a required part of the birth experience and that yours was somehow lesser because of the lack of said pain? If so, why do you believe this?

Why does it matter to you?

you had the birth you chose. That’s great.

o/p didn’t. She is grieving the birth she wanted and planned for. Those are perfectly valid feelings that you have no right to dismiss.

put yourself in her place. You plan your lovely calm c-section, then half way through the surgeon says actually this is going to need to come out vaginally. You have your healthy baby, but don’t tell me you wouldn’t be upset that you were put through a procedure you didn’t want, even if it was medically necessary.

just because one poster describes vaginal birth as brutal doesn’t mean everyone has that experience. Same as not all c sections are calm and uncomplicated. My section was brutal, and a straightforward vaginal birth would have been much easier and not needed 6 months recovery.

i don’t get why women put each other down over birth. “Shut up and put up”. No, why should we not talk about our feelings around birth because someone who hasn’t had that experience thinks we should just “get over it”….

She’s explicitly asked for help working through this. She also explicitly stated that she feels her experience was inferior to that of the poster who described it as ‘brutal’ (I’m certainly not saying all vaginal births are). I’m providing said help by asking her to question why she feels inferior.

At no point have I suggested anyone should ‘shut up and put up’. I think your ire is misdirected.

I’ve had two CSs, by choice, after having a very tricky vaginal birth.

I still couldn’t tell you what contractions feel like exactly because for me it was just one big horrendous world of pain (back to back baby). Thankfully I had a (blissful) epidural after suffering like a dog for 8 hours plus. As a result I don’t know what the “urge to push feels like” either. I was talking to a friend who had a similar experience but her epidural was turned down for pushing, and her pithy response was “you didn’t miss out”. And I completely believe her. Both of us ended up with 3b tears, episiotomies, incontinence, and more besides.

I won’t go into the details of what was the months long, protracted recovery like for me. But my one regret was often the reverse of yours. If I had had a C section in time I could actually have fully enjoyed those months with my baby rather then going on a merry go round of hospital appointments, physio appointments, physio treatment, being unable to sit down, go to baby classes with my baby etc. That’s not to mention the long term bladder issues, pelvic floor issues, back issues and so on.
Birth is tricky, birth is brutal; it’s like being in the trenches. It definitely didn’t feel like an experience to me. What is the best experience is the baby you get at the end of it. That’s what it’s all for. Enjoy that baby, because they grow up in a fraction of a second. Wishing you all the very best and go easy on yourself!

Giving birth is not a competition. The objective is to have a healthy mum and baby. If medical intervention is needed, then so be it. It's not a sign of inadequacy or weakness.
Infant mortality rates have dropped dramatically in UK even over the last 50 years due to better birth choices by mothers. That's the important thing

Thank you! And thank you for replying, glad to hear what helped you, and it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one in this boat!

Wishing you all the best for future pregnancies, & enjoy your time with your little one. 😊

I understand.

I went into spontaneous labour, my water broke, I slowly got to 7cm and then I needed a c-section as baby wasn't happy.

For birth 2, I did all the hypnobirthing and whatever else I could, to try for a vaginal labour. Unfortunately, I had a botched and failed induction and ultimately another c-section.

I can feel angry about it. I sometimes feel envious of those who birthed vaginally. I am sad I'll never know what it feels to "birth" a baby like my mother and hers before her.

Ultimately though, I have 2 wonderful and healthy children. No birth injuries.... plenty worse could have happened.

Time is a great healer and the only time I dwell on it now is when threads like these come up.

All the people I know who had natural births have had issues with incontinence, prolapse, sexual issues, scar tissue, psychological trauma etc
Sections are brilliant.