what did you wish you'd known/been told about labour and post-labour (things they don't print in books)

[choufleur]

i wish someone had told me that you can feel the baby go back up sometimes when you're pushing (but it will eventually stay down and come out)

[bergentulip]

ladymariner.... no post on MN has ever made me laugh out loud until this moment! Thank you

[ladymariner]

You're welcome, bergentulip
xxxx

[choufleur]

that pushing on your perinium when having a poo after giving birth really helps (as pelvic floor muscles seem to have pushed out with the baby). it's not very pleasant really as you end up weeing on your hand.

[TheProvincialLady]

That afterwards experienced MW will come in troops to observe your fanjo, and will both visibly and audibly WINCE.

[Amberc]

that a water birth ony relieves the pain for about 30 minutes, that gas and air only then relieves the pain for about another 30 minutes - not to feel guilty about wanting an epidural - it was like heavenin a syringe (and you can still push - just pretend you have major constipation and are pushing out a big poo!)

[Romy7]

provincial lady - wincing i can deal with, recoiling in horror is even worse...

[Amberc]

That after you have given birth and look at your baby it doesn't seem like they are yours and you expect someone to come and take them away any minute! I still don't believe my baby was ever in me and it's a week later!

[GustWriter]

I could have done with someone telling me how to breathe and then push through a contraction.

[scottishmum007]

that a third degree tear really really hurts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[GustWriter]

my 3rd degree tears didn't hurt as much as the piles I pushed out 1st birth.

2nd birth less piles so happy as a clam

[scottishmum007]

the piles i could handle, the actual tear I couldn't, the birth I found much easier! never thought i'd say that in a million years.

[TheProvincialLady]

Romy that was my DH job - I didn't even dare look for a couple of months and even then it was black and blue and woefully misshapen And don't even get me started on what my bum looked like.

The good news is, it eventually went back to normal and you can't tell it was so battered.

[wolfear]

Having your waters burst by that plastic hook thing is like turning on a fire hose

[scottishmum007]

the books all about pregnancy never tell you about the tears, it really annoys me. i bought conception pregnancy and birth and there wasn't even a mention of the word tear. Does it not happen in general or is it just us really unlucky ones that are in a minority???

[CatIsSleepy]

that when you push you have to push out of your bum so that it feels like you're trying to do the biggest poo ever (whilst simultaneously hoping that you don't do the biggest poo ever)

[ButterflyMcQueen]

no one has mentioned that lovely postpartum vomiting session where every retch forces blood and 'products' from your nether regions in a beautifully humiliating fashion

the harmony of upper and lower body doing as nature intended!

[scottishmum007]

yep had that hook thing aswell to break the hind waters, wasn't too bad because I was in a bath, just felt discomfort.

[TheProvincialLady]

Ah yes Butterfly. "That's your hormones" says evil MW. No, that's the artificial fecking hormones you gave me to whip the placenta out, you patronising bint.

[DonDons]

all the wetness

waters breaking (change pants)

weeing during labour (change pants again)

more waters (bin the pants and forget it)

blood

more waters

then afterwards

blood

more blood

and god the sweating and the night sweats

[scottishmum007]

defo agree with the poo thing, was only told by the midwife that it's normal as it was actually happening. hello - why was this not mentioned at antenatal??? pre warning would have been so good...

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

LOL at this thread! I would say

That despite dutifully packing warm socks, as advised by all the books/ magazines, I never EVER once thought, "Hmm, my feet are cold and are a major source of discomfort- so glad I have my warm socks!" The temperature of my tootsies was waaay down on my list of concerns!

That mw's work on the good cop/ bad cop principle. There is usually one snippy unsympathetic one and another gentle natured one. After the first full cylinder of entenox you will be clinging to the nice one like a toddler and refusing to let her leave, telling her in a stage-whisper "Don't leave me with HER! (standing 2 ft away) She's MEAN! I like you- you remind me of my auntie Margaret"

That when you start to feel the urge to escape through the air vents, you are probably in transition, and all those people are actually quite right to try to stop you- especially since you would only get horribly stuck like Winnie the Pooh in rabbit's doorway.

That not all births are textbooks, and mw's don't ALWAYS know best. If you are telling them you think you are ready to push and they are telling you (with a patronising smile) that you have hours left to go, demand that they check you, and give you a number between 1 and 10. Try not to smile patronisingly when they realise that you were right after all!

That you can pack as many old T-shirts as you like for giving birth, but you might feel that you can'r bear anything touching you at all! I am not normally an exhibitionist, but in all 3 labours I have felt the need to be completely naked, and couldn't seem to give 2 flying figs who might be unfortunate enough to have to witness the trsumstic sight of my end-of-gestation body. I was even wheeled naked down a corridor in a wheelchair (the mw did throw a blanket over me, tbf) and I cared not a jot!!

That being told "try not to push!" as they wheel you naked down a corridor is akin to telling someone to try not to puke!! The urge to push is just like the irrepressable vomit reflex, only at the other end!

(For your partner) That for some reason the scissors they give you to cut the umbilical cord are always blunt, and it will feel like you are tring to cut it with your toddlers plastic safety scissors.

That the oxytocin high is a truly wonderous thing and should be treasured.

That after giving birth you will feel like (and look like!) a beanbag with the beans removed. If you thought it was impossible to feel less attractive than you did when you were 40 weeks pregnant, think again!

[Sushipaws]

I spent weeks in desperate fear of tearing. Why couldn't someone just say, "You might tear but it'll feel like a cigarette burn, and thats it." Or "You'll be too busy screaming like a donkey to worry about tearing."

[DonDons]

[Thomcat]

That you will do anything to make sure you DH doesn't get on that train to London when you go into labour, inc running down the platform - naked other than a slashed to thigh dressing gown and flip flops with waters doing that long slow unending trickle down your legs, holding the bump!

[turtle23]

That your sphincter would be the last thing to recover...how can a large episiotomy heal quicker than turned inside-out rectum?
That you can go through 30 hours of labour at home and have your home-birth plans scarpered by BABY getting tired.
That BF is NOT EASY, it can be so much harder than anything else and you might not like it very much.
That your baby will wake you up at 3 am, you will grumble and swear, then he looks up and smiles and you forget, forgive, and melt.