LOL at this thread! I would say
That despite dutifully packing warm socks, as advised by all the books/ magazines, I never EVER once thought, "Hmm, my feet are cold and are a major source of discomfort- so glad I have my warm socks!" The temperature of my tootsies was waaay down on my list of concerns!
That mw's work on the good cop/ bad cop principle. There is usually one snippy unsympathetic one and another gentle natured one. After the first full cylinder of entenox you will be clinging to the nice one like a toddler and refusing to let her leave, telling her in a stage-whisper "Don't leave me with HER! (standing 2 ft away) She's MEAN! I like you- you remind me of my auntie Margaret"
That when you start to feel the urge to escape through the air vents, you are probably in transition, and all those people are actually quite right to try to stop you- especially since you would only get horribly stuck like Winnie the Pooh in rabbit's doorway.
That not all births are textbooks, and mw's don't ALWAYS know best. If you are telling them you think you are ready to push and they are telling you (with a patronising smile) that you have hours left to go, demand that they check you, and give you a number between 1 and 10. Try not to smile patronisingly when they realise that you were right after all!
That you can pack as many old T-shirts as you like for giving birth, but you might feel that you can'r bear anything touching you at all! I am not normally an exhibitionist, but in all 3 labours I have felt the need to be completely naked, and couldn't seem to give 2 flying figs who might be unfortunate enough to have to witness the trsumstic sight of my end-of-gestation body. I was even wheeled naked down a corridor in a wheelchair (the mw did throw a blanket over me, tbf) and I cared not a jot!!
That being told "try not to push!" as they wheel you naked down a corridor is akin to telling someone to try not to puke!! The urge to push is just like the irrepressable vomit reflex, only at the other end!
(For your partner) That for some reason the scissors they give you to cut the umbilical cord are always blunt, and it will feel like you are tring to cut it with your toddlers plastic safety scissors.
That the oxytocin high is a truly wonderous thing and should be treasured.
That after giving birth you will feel like (and look like!) a beanbag with the beans removed. If you thought it was impossible to feel less attractive than you did when you were 40 weeks pregnant, think again!