what did you wish you'd known/been told about labour and post-labour (things they don't print in books)

[choufleur]

i wish someone had told me that you can feel the baby go back up sometimes when you're pushing (but it will eventually stay down and come out)

That when you have your first shower after birth it will look like someone killed a pig in there. And that the mad rush of hormones will mean that if you drop your brand new tooth brush into said mess, you will sit on the loo and weep for 10 minutes before the midwife comes and rescues you.

That you throw up as well, - as if the blood and wee and other fluids weren't enough!

Oh, that it is possible to eat a fish pie, peas and cheese cake midlabour, between gasps of gas+air.... (!- might have something to with the throwing up, on reflection!!)

The main thing I found wasn't printed in any books is that ITS NOTHING LIKE THEY TELL YOU IN THE BOOKS.
So throw them away!!

The pain.

Oh and yes I agree about the bum thing.

I didn't rely on books - I talked to people and went to classes.

I had not anticipated that with dd1 I wouldn't get a break between contractions - each one seemed to start at the end of the one before.

Oh God, don't get me started.

That it's Hell on Earth - how's that?

Actually, scrap that - I don't wish I'd been told that or I'd never have had DS.

I wish I'd been told that MWs would believe a paracetamol was enough to deal with the strongest contractions of my entire labour.

That epidurals sometimes don't work

That some of the midwives are cows

Pethidine stops you being able to understand whats going on and means your baby will probably be v.sleepy and not feed properly

[bitter emotion]

That I will scream louder when opening bowels for the next year than I did in labour

That I will be unsure whether I am in labour

That no one has ever been in as much pain as I was

That you shouldn't say you are exclusively bf as when you can;t get bub on they refuse to give you a bottle

That I'd have to take new baby with me when want to shower

That I will forget how to walk without the waddle

That I will still look like I'm pregnant

That pethodine is crap

That they purposely leave it too late to have an epidural

To take food in your labour bag

God there's loads!

I am far too bitter to add anything, as I wouldn't be able to stop typing.

But I agree with all your wise words!

That, not matter how many of these threads you read before you can never really understand. It was simultaneously the worst, most frightening (4 hours from water breaking to birth, ventouse delivery cos baby in distress) mosty painful thing I'd ever done and yet the most amazing thing and I was on such a high for about 3 days afterwards.

Also, once I got to hospital at 5 cms (took about 7 hours from first twinge to 5 cms) I would be totally incoherent and totally unable to understand anything anyone said, as if it was all Japanese. Really. I could only get occasional words...like ...no epidural...WHAT??....ventouse....eh?....push now ! This was all with no drugs whatsoever, i think just the sheer intensity and shock and speed and pain of it all! And I'd still love another!

I wish they'd told me how much GUNGE and liquid comes out!
How was I not totally dehydrated after it? There was great splats of blood on the opposite wall!

DH has never recovered from this.

..oh and the pains of "let down" when you BF.
Only Libby Purves' book mentioned this she wrote "the toe curling agony when they start sucking"...thank God for her, cos the MW said it should not hurt, what crap, it was bloody agony for weeks all round my boob as the milk dropped down.
Nipples ok, boobs on fire.
Thank you God.

That a midwife comes in after the birth and washes you and that it's the most welcome wash you'll ever have!

That the first time just you and your baby are together & everyone else has gone and you study each others faces, you will be overwhelmed and there is no other feeling in the world like it.

That in between contractions it doesn't actually hurt. I wasn't somehow expecting the 'Agggggghhhhhhhh ... yes ha ha, that was a strong one, anyway, you were saying ripping out the rose bush in the front garden...AGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH ... well I'm not convinced, what were you thinking of instead ..AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH .... etc etc

That the sleep deprivation can be worse than anything you've already experienced.

That the hormones flooding through you make you cry uncontrollably and make you feel like the worst mum in the world ever.

That you'll get some lovely midwives and some real monsters in the hospital who after your csection try to help get bf established by ramming your udders into your baby's mouth, then alternately tell you you'll have to express as you're disturbing everyone else on the ward with your bub's crying.

That "real" nappies are a fantastic idea, look lovely, feel nice etc but are totally impractical when you're so knackered you don't have the energy to change them every 2 minutes when your LO has a wee/poo/both.

That meconium has to be experienced to be believed, and that you can only clean it off with wipes which you have to hide from the m/wives who expect you to use dinky bits of cotton wool and water.

And of course, that just because you have a great baby who wants to sleep all the time, you shouldn't let them....and you have to wake them every couple of hours to make sure they get enough milk or they end up with jaundice (which you naively think is a nice sun tan)...

That hypnobirthing may not get you through the actual birth, but sure as hell helps prevent you panicking throughout the pregnancy.

That your pregnancy can be completely plain sailing up until you hit 40 wks then your blood pressure can screw up all your plans.

Ooh, sorry for sounding a bit bitter, still getting over it 14wks later!

My three things are

That not everyone can have gas and air
That after pains can be worse then labour
That you can drop clots the size of plates

That even though you didn't even need any stiches, your fanjo is swollen to the size of a basketball, is generally unrecognisable and hurts like a bastard for ages.

That you may be permanently starving and there isn't enough food available-bring good snacks

And despite my post of 22.53 on Sat:

number two was completely different and fabulous (homeirth) and I'd do it again tomorrow if I wasn't too old!

Oh - agree with funnypeculiar. I was happily surprised with the breaks between contractions during my first labour. Even managed a cup of tea

That no matter what you should take all the drugs you can get your hands on!!

Yep, agree with funnypeculiar aswell, didn't expect to be chatting about exercise with the student midwife who had obviously been told a good bedside manner means chatting to someone regardless of the situation She was lovely though and I didn't have the heart to tell her to shut the feck up!

That you will say to your hv that you would like to try for a natural birth and be yelling for an epidural the minute you get fed up with the tens machine

That tens machines do feck all

That once hooked up on the epidural (god, I love epidurals!!!) you suddenly instantly decide you want a poo

The midwives will tell you that you don't and anyway, you can't move becaue you are attached to the epidural machine you were so insistent upon

You demand the right to poo and, with dh on one side and a midwife on the other holding you up, produce a poo into one of those cardboard bowler hat type things, the size of which a rabbit would be proud of

You feel insanely proud of the fact that you "had proved them wrong" !!!

Later you can't believe you were so belligerant over a poo and want to curl up with shame