Upset about how upcoming birth is being handled

[CabbageFan]

I'm due to with our third baby on march 3rd. I'm 38+1 weeks pregnant today.
I have a history of quick deliveries. The last one was only 1h0m from first contraction to birth of placenta. If I hadn't already been at the hospital when I went into labour, the baby would have been born in the car or at home. We live an hour away from the hospital.
Because of this, I was first asked to consider inducing as early as at the 12 week appointment. It has been a topic at almost every single appointment since, and I was scheduled for an evaluation at the hospital way back in fall to make sure the appointment would be well before my due date. The evaluation took place last week when I was 37+0 along. Other than the possibility of another precipitous labour, I'm low risk, I don't have gestational diabetes or history of pre-eclampsia, baby is head down and so far seems to be healthy.
I had been feeling calm and hopeful before the appointment. I was looking forward to talking about all my options with the doctor, and expected to leave the appointment with plenty of time left before my edd to talk with my husband, think through everything and make the right choice for me and my baby, whether it be an induction or waiting for spontaneous labour. Well, that didn't happen. Doctor did an ultrasound on the baby, said everything is fine and told me to come back to check the baby again in two weeks. I was so confused that all I could say was thanks, and leave. The next appointment will be when I'm 39+2 along.
I haven't stopped crying since. I no longer feel excited, safe or reassured that everything will be fine. I feel anxious, uncertain and lonely. Most nights I've woken up in the wee hours and cried myself back to sleep thinking about the birth. After the botched appointment, my fear was that I would be expected to make quick decisions right on the spot on the next one, and that fear has become true. Worried for my emotional state, my nurse asked the hospital if it would be at all possible to re-schedule an earlier appointment for me. Today I got a message that they didn't change the date, but instead they transferred me from prenatal straight to labour&delivery with the intention to induce right then. I feel like I have no control or choice over anything anymore. I don't have anybody to talk to. I'm not comforted at all by the thought of the next appointment being a week away. It feels like too late and too soon at the same time.

Call the hospital and explain you have been sent the appointment in error and have not been consulted about or consented to an induction.

In the meantime, why hasnt your community midwife discussed this with you? That would surely be the first step. Do you want a homebirth, and has that been discussed?

Your body, your choice. You do not need to attend the appointment, but your midwife should be able to talk throigh your options more clearly. Why don't you bring your DH to the midwife so you can consider togethet, especially if you are upset.

I should've clarified I'm not in the UK, I'm sorry. So the system is a little bit different.
I know I don't have to agree to be induced, even though it is the hospital's plan now, but I'm worried because that appointment might very well be the last chance I have to even talk about it with a doctor before I end up having my baby at home whether I want it or not. Either they don't want to or can't schedule me to come in earlier to talk 🤕 I was told to call if I go into labour or have to cancel my appointment, otherwise I should just talk to my clinic.
I talked with my nurse, but she sadly wasn't much help. Her and the clinic's doctor can only give general information about the options, not make recommendations based on my individual situation. She said that only the hospital doctors can do that. We did briefly talk about planned homebirth, but they aren't part of the public healthcare system here. I'd have to hire a private midwife, which would cost around 3000-4000 euros minimum. And honestly, if I could just pay that money and know for certain that I'd have a peaceful birth at home on my terms, I'd gladly pay it. I researched where the nearest private midwives are located and unfortunately they're all an hour away minimum, so if this birth ended up being even remotely as fast as the previous one, they would be no help anyway 💔 DH came with me to the previous appointment at the hospital, will be coming to the next and I've tried talking with him at home. However, he hasn't been very helpful. We have two older children, but they both came so quick that he missed their births. He said he has no experience, so he has no opinion and it's my body anyway so it should be my choice 😕 I think he finds this whole thing (almost) as uncomfortable as I do, but rather than getting super emotional like I am, he's just shutting it out of his mind.

This sounds so stressful for you. Without knowledge of the specific health care system you are in it's hard to advise how to navigate this. When are the hospital wanting to start induction? It sounds like it would be worth attending for that so you can have a discussion about your current situation if it is sooner than the booked appointment at 39+1.

Sounds to me like the appointment that was booked in to discuss options wasn't correctly booked so the Dr thought it was a routine check? Very frustrating.

In the UK we would advise women that if there is any doubt that they will make it to the hospital to stay put and call an ambulance (if not a planned home birth) so that you have trained professionals with you for delivery or to convey you if they feel there is time. This is an option if you do go into labour before you get an opportunity for further discussion- not exactly peaceful though I know.

Wishing you all the best with everything!

Thank you! It's certainly very stressful and frustrating. And no, I don't have any appointments booked before the next one which they changed from check-up at the prenatal ward straight to induction at l&d 😟 But with how many times I've cried just today, I might give myself a couple days to see if I can calm doen a bit. If not, I might call them to say that I'm coming in right away, like it or not! Surely keeping a heavily pregnant mother of two crying 24/7 for two weeks has to break some kind of ethical code 😫
I've told every nurse and doctor that I've seen during this pregnancy, that I'll indeed just call an ambulance if I go into labour at home. I thought that would deliver the message of how serious I think this is, but I guess it didn't. Hopefully they ambulance would at least make it in time to control bleeding, should there be a dangerous amount. There's snow and ice on the road this time of the year and the last thing I want would be pushing in a ditch somewhere 🥴 Though, that would make quite the story to tell at the poor kid's graduation party or wedding one day!

This sounds so stressful for you. On the plus side that adrenaline is likely to reduce your chance of going into labour at the moment.

Im also a quick birther but had the option of home birth.

first I’d get your husband to do some research and reading. He needs to understand physiological birth and what are the red flags to watch out for.

Then prep for a home birth. Get kit that you’ll need like towels, puppy pads etc sorted and together. Make a home birth plan which will give you more confidence if it happens.

Ask the hospital who answers the phone on labour ward. Plan to phone an ambulance and labour ward when labour starts. A midwife on the phone can support a dad to deliver their own baby.

It’s called a born before arrival or BBA so make a plan for that.

what week did your other babies arrive? While no guarantee, it is guide that might help you plan a bit.

Is there an option to temporarily relocate to nearer the hospital? Perhaps an air bnb for the last week or so to allow for an easier transfer when the time comes.

It sounds like you feel very out of control which can be super scary so doing these things might help you to feel more in control.

what happened when you asked the doctor about induction? did they have a specific reason for not advising it? If it's not available as an option wherever you are then it sounds like your options are a) hope for the best, b) book a hotel nearer the hospital, c) have a planned section if that's available. You do need to have a back up plan even if you do get the induction date booked in... what would happen if you went into labour before the planned induction?

I was in a similar situation. I had a lovely home birth in the end. Why aren’t they offering you this?

Is it an option to see a private midwife in the next few days to have a check and see if your cervix is starting to soften etc? Would that help you feel more in control?
Are you having any latent labour signs that might mean it’s a good idea to go to L&D and check how things are going? Branston Hicks? Worries about level of baby movement? Gushing feeling that might be waters leaking or might just be normal late pregnancy discharge?

My previous births were at weeks 40+4 and 39+6. The next appointment is at 39+2, so I have little to no wiggle room there. You're right that delaying labour is the only positive side of this stress 😂
I decided early on that if I go into spontaneous labour, I will just call an ambulance and give birth at home. If I can't be at a hospital, I at least want to be at the comfort of my own home instead of the back of our car or ambulance. I'm trying not to hold high expectations for the ambulance either. If this should happen, I just hope they'd make it in time to control bleeding if there is a dangerous amount and transfer us to the hospital. Thankfully midwives answer the phone at l&d, but sometimes one has to wait a while for a call back.

My nurse offered to have the gynecologist to check my cervix, but previously I've gone from "0 to 100" very quickly. Both times I was barely open for one finger when I was admitted, but still gave birth very soon. First time my waters broke full on movie style so I knew to leave to the hospital. Second time there were literally 0 warning signs. Doctor even told me to go home, but good thing I didn't, because baby was already out about 2,5h later and by the time I started feeling cramping, it would have been too late to go back to the hospital.
Not having any proper latent signs before or now is certainly making me feel paranoid, because I might seriously go from nothing to baby very suddenly again.

So there are signs that the cervix is getting ready for labour before it starts opening at all. It gets shorter and softer first, which is something they can feel. It’s kind of pointless in that it still doesn’t tell you if labour is hours or days away and how long labour will be. But it could be a reason to have an appointment which sounds like you want for the sake of some reassurance.
Are you worried about the induction process? Or just that labour will start and you won’t make it to hospital?

What is the home birth provision though?

a ambulance is always a great back up but they should be able to get you a mw in these circumstances. My mw told me if they arrive before her then have them wait on the drive as it’s just a fancy taxi service and they’ll be under a lot of pressure to transfer you in.

I've had 4 quick labours, last one was 20 mins, the midwife arrives within 10 mins. He was BBA but only because of when I called.
the others are were between 1-4 hours and the midwife always made it. We’re quite rural and I didn’t fancy a motorway delivery, they all would have been!