Best advice for new mums

[TeamMeerkat]

My baby is nearly 2 now but I saw a thread on what the best thing to buy a new mum is, and it got me to think about all the (often unsolicited) advice I got when I had my baby.

What advice would you give? I'm not talking about "sleep when the baby sleeps". Mine are as follows:

• download the huckleberry app - when the midwives come round asking how many wet nappies the baby has had or how theyre feeding, you can consult that instead of trying to remember when you dont even know what time/day it is

• get some jelonet burn dressings and bamboo breast pads - this was told to me by an amazing midwife after I complained about nipple trauma while my baby struggled to breastfeed effectively and pumps comped my nipples into pieces. Healed within 2 days!

3. get bedside snacks - especially if breastfeeding. I especially appreciated chocolate Brioche rolls.

Don't even bother with a cot or moses basket. Just put a mattress on the floor away from the wall, get an adult slumbersac suit and bedshare safely. And if breastfeeding, feed lying down so you can doze while they feed. No crying, no stress, more sleep for everyone.

See, aside from the bedside snacks none of the advice given so far would have worked for me for either of mine. Gave up on huckleberry after day 1, nipples were fine, both babies slept in the next to me so didn't need/want to cosleep.

My advice would be to listen to advice but ultimately do what works for you/your baby/your household (unless it's safety advice eg around car seats/safe sleeping which should be followed).

This. A lot of advice is well meaning but so personal.
For example, I absolutely despise co-sleeping and it just didn’t work for me or my baby. The next to me cot was fab and we got plenty of sleep.

so my advice would be understand all the options, and work out what is best for your family.

Yeah same as PP only the snacks would have helped me from your list OP.

The advice I got that turned out to be relevant and helpful:

• get an epidural

It’s so personal. Don’t get too much stuff beforehand. A Moses basket was invaluable to me, but didn’t suit others.

1. find a local IBCLC and see them as soon as possible (if wanting to bf)
2. get a private tongue tie check as soon as possible just to rule out any issues early on
3. dont let anyone who visits leave without making and then washing up their own cup of tea! (Edit to add - and to make and wash up yours as well!)

Hmmm.. see I never used an app (I think writing things down constantly seems stress inducing), didn't get sore nipples for some reason, and dislike eating in bed!

It really is so personal.

I wanted to co sleep and both my babies breastfed constantly, day and night. It worked well for me and felt v natural.

My sister just had a baby and BFing didn't work for her, and the thought of co-sleeping appalls her. She's happy, baby's happy!

I'd say to trust your instincts, to listen to advice but tomake the decisions that sit right with you. Also, remember that Everything is a phase.

I think we tend to over complicate things and we're biologically primed to be mums, so should go with our feelings. We know our baby best.

All that said, I'm a mum of a girly with severe food allergies who was fobbed off for the 1st year of her life as she developed horrible eczema, reflux and experienced anaphylaxis several times.
So, my advice would be to push back if ever ignored by health care professionals and to treat any eczema early and aggressively (as it is now thought that eczema and a damaged skin barrier causes food allergies in the 1st 6 months of life).

Trust your instincts.
There isn’t a medical professional, mother of 7 or MIL alive that knows your baby better than you do.
Everything else is personal.
Ask for help. Ask people to piss off. Ask them to come round. Trust yourself.
I don’t know a single parent that has got it all right every single day. We’ve all struggled.

The little overlap on the vests shoulders are designed to go down so you don’t need to get poo in their hair!

Nobody ever asks an adult or a child if you were breast fed or bottle fed, if you sucked a dummy or for how long, if you had homemade snacks or shop bought, if you wore a sleep suit all day or if you were dressed in proper clothes from day 1, if you co-slept or not. In the grand scheme of things as long as you feed your baby, have clean (probably stained) clothes, give your baby a warm and safe place to sleep and love your baby nothing else matters. New mums get so caught up on all that stuff and if I had my time again I would want to have the knowledge that it doesn’t matter.

Don’t spend too much on baby clothes. One or two cute outfits but mostly baby grows.

They tried to give me an epidural twice - both failed! Ended up with an emergency CS. So if we were to go down that route id say scrap it all and have an ECS!!

Obviously birth plans are hugely personal though!

Thanks everyone for your replies, really interesting to read!

Love how the most popular suggestion is made was the snacks bedside the bed 😂 nothing worse than dragging your arse out of bed at 5am just because you're hungry!

I agree with everything everyone has said. And I too had to pick and choose what advice I followed. But I desperately wished the burn dressing thing was more common knowledge - my nipples were dry and cracked and bleeding, they'd scab over then the disposable breast pads id been using were sticking to them and ripping the scabs off every time I attempted to breastfeed or pump. It was torture!

Oh the only other thing I'd say is that remember that babies are humans and might just be grumpy. Once I'd checked if they were hot/cold/hungry/clean etc I expected my first born to be chilled. And wondered wtf was going on if he wasn't. With my second I was much better at just thinking she might be getting ill or she's stressed and not to worry. Kept me calm which calmed her.

@HattiesBag
I'd say to trust your instincts, to listen to advice but to make the decisions that sit right with you. Also, remember that Everything is a phase.

I think we tend to over complicate things and we're biologically primed to be mums, so should go with our feelings. We know our baby best.
------------

This is what I wish I had been told. I was on my own in a hostel, no mum or friends or family around and deeply insecure. I read every book and had everything planned out about baby routines before the birth. When my son came and he didn't fit into the schedules prescribed by Gina Ford etc I lost even more confidence instead of trusting my gut. Looking back I was happy breast feeing on demand and co sleeping and being pretty much baby led but I tied myself in knots to follow her advice and when it didn't work I went to a different book disappointed in myself.

I wish someone had sat me down and said you know your baby the best, he's putting weight on, your breast feeding without problems etc why are you forcing yourself to follow the advice of someone in a book - make your own rules.

Only one piece of advice I was given I still remember. Paper knickers are your best friend.

Definitely a personal thing! I currently have 2 under 2, both very different babies, very different experiences, my main advice knowing everything I know now would be:

• Tell the truth when somebody asks you how you’re doing, or if you need anything. The “I’m fine” almost falls automatically from your tongue when someone asks and actually people do want to help you, accept the help, tell the truth!
• Batch cook meals in the last few weeks of pregnancies and pop in the freezer so that you have good home cooked hearty meals with minimal effort postpartum.
• Snacks. More than you think 50 men locked in a cupboard for 10 days would need. Double it. Sweet, savoury, hot, cold- get them all.
• Face masks in the fridge- makes you feel less tired and a bit more fresh!
• Don’t stress too much. You honestly don’t need to know how many wee’s your baby has a day, exactly how many seconds and minutes they breastfed for, exactly how many ml of formula they drank, how many minutes and seconds they slept for/were awake for. Trust your gut!

As if having a newborn wasnt hard enough. I hope you're very proud of your past self for making it through that experience. You sound very self assured now!

Thank you for sharing

THIS is the kind of thing I was after! 🤣

Yes thank you for your kind comments, we live and learn and and he's now 21 and doing great!

After the birth, use a girdle/waist trainer/whatever you want to call it. Control belt thing that goes around your belly. Particularly if you had a C-section.

See, this didn't work for my babies at all. They both slept happily in a cot from birth. When we tried bed sharing nobody got any sleep! I have friends with total velcro babies who really needed to bed share. It's not the same for everyone.

The best advice is probably that all babies are different, you can't be prepared so just be flexible and do what works as long as it's not flagrantly unsafe.

I came here to say exactly this! The minute I started to trust myself and my gut instinct I became a real mother.

The best advice I got for newborn was, “up, feed, play, down” in 45 minute cycles. Any more than that and they are expending more energy than they are taking with feeds. Get into a routine and be diligent with naps right from the get go. Mostly if you are wondering what’s wrong with a newborn, they are tired!

I’d also say “sleep when baby sleeps” isn’t a bad shout really. But by that I mean, in the early days, your house will be a mess, the dinner will be late, the laundry will pile up, you won’t be up for constant visits. Let all of that go. Nobody cares and you need to also take care of you. If that means napping on a pile of washing then do it. If it means taking a long shower or bath, then do it. (Although the laws of science say when a body is submerged in water the baby will cry. 😆) All of the house stuff will get done eventually, preferably by someone else, you are allowed to live like a slob with a newborn!