Second C-Section recovery with little help and 7 Year Old

[Unorganisedchaos2]

Apologies Im sure this has been done to death but Im just back from my second appointment with the consultant (CLC due to BMI & age (41))

For context with DD7 I had planned a home birth but needed an unplanned SC due to meconium in my waters, I was really disappointed but I actually had a very positive experience and was home 2 days later and recovery was also pretty good.

Im currently 26 weeks and all is fine with baby but Im exhausted and in a lot pain with my hips, I was really hoping to enjoy the pregnancy as it will definitely be the last but Im just wishing the weeks away to be honest...

Consultant is happy to do another section and the midwifes I've spoken to have suggested that as I already have DD there would be advantages to scheduling a c-section, everything would be calmer, I could arrange care for DD etc. I also know I definitely want to avoid an induction at all costs (which everyone is supportive of too)

Im at the point where I've made my peace with not having a "natural" birth but Im really worried about the recovery.

DH (who thinks a section is the best option) will get 2 weeks paternity, his work are also very flexible about how he can take it, so he can take two separate weeks for example) but while he was happy to hold the baby last time, he's generally useless around the house and I was expected to cook dinner the night I got home, and resume all cleaning tidying etc.

I have a lovely MiL who could watch DD sometimes but she is now caring for FiL who has Parkinson's and my own Mum would happily come round but expect me to make her coffee and only do anything remotely useful if someone else was watching; for example she once brought round some pain au chocolate asked me to make her a coffee and heat them up, she then ate them both in front of me after I'd told her Id been up all night with the baby 🙄
Basically I have a few people around me who would do a lot of performative "help" but I wont actually get much real help.

How have other people in the same position found a second section with a slightly older DD, is there anything you wished you had done to prepare (I do have the funds for a cleaner & I've found a brilliant lady that does ironing for example and Im happy to live off ready meals for a while if need be)

Would having a planned section be best or would it be worth trying a natural birth so recovery is easier?

What? I don't think.this should be done at all. Sit down and make a visuall.list of what he needs to do daily and weekly. I really should not need to.do this. He should know, but if selectively ignorant to , what needs to be done then one annoying conversation should hopefully get the message across. Either he does stuff or u pay as a family.

2 year gap and had my second section end of November. Hardest thing by far is lifting/restraining toddler - have had to alter routine and house to minimise that. Second hardest thing was going from lying to sitting for first few weeks, esp feeding baby at night. Was easier to sleep on sofa next to Moses basket at first.

I thought I healed well from my first (emc), but actually the second was less painful (more relaxed emc after failed balloon induction). I think having a section after your womb has been contracting for hours makes it worse.

If he chooses not to do it he won't. But I take your point, alternatively pay for help. He's just a selfish ass

I was a similar age with my second (emcs). Dc1 was three and a great help with fetching/carrying. I would expect more from a 7 year old. I made up baskets in advance for the sitting room (one for each of us) with snacks/water/toys/muslins/wipes/nappies etc. Dh then helped restock before work each day.

I did meal plan in advance but found I could manage with shops etc and dh helped cook. He also did a lot of the cleaning because at that stage, I was trapped under a very needy dc2. A sling was perhaps the best thing we bought and then a good carrier when she was older. Gave me flexibility at home and out as she hated the pram/pushchair.

I think you just don't know what you'll get with recovery. My sil took six months to recover from a vaginal birth/bad tear and I literally bounced back from 2 emergency sections.

What the fuck! No. The chimp needs to step up.

Christ, are you actually suggesting putting the seven year old to work so that the useless husband who will be home on paternity leave doesn't have to help out?

The bar for men is seriously low here and makes me despair at the amount of women who continue to procreate with these morons.

No, the seven year old does not have to do anything when there is a manchild who has weeks off work specifically for that purpose. Fucking unbelievable.