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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

3a tear - struggling physically and emotionally

4 replies

Sammytoby · 05/12/2025 17:29

I gave birth on wednesday with a 3a tear. I was given a stool softener to take every day and took it yesterday and immediately after i had a normal solid poo with full control and not uncomfortable, but today I had a very loose bowel movement and couldn’t get to the toilet in time. It was hard to clean as im struggling with standing or sitting for too long and finding bits even after shower + peri bottle. I’m hoping this was just caused by the stool softener on top of not having much food the last few days. I’ve since been having some tight cramps which I did also have last night so I’m worried it’s going to happen again.
I have to travel to see the midwife tomorrow for a stitch check and I’m anxious about going, especially in case there’s still residue. I’m also struggling a bit emotionally I can’t move much, sit or walk comfortably, and I feel like I’ve barely been able to hold my baby. My partner is doing nearly everything and although I’m grateful, it’s upsetting watching everyone else bond while I feel stuck and recovering.
Has anyone else been through similar with a 3a tear? Did things improve once stools firmed up and swelling went down? Any reassurance or experiences would really help.

OP posts:
Chocdown · 05/12/2025 17:35

In a word, yes. It all settled down after a few weeks, took a few months to feel completely normal and 8 years on still in perfect working order.

But please do mention to your midwife/health visitor, and follow medical advice.

Congratulations on your new arrival, take care of yourself

Testingthetimes · 05/12/2025 17:40

I didn’t have a tear that bad but had some other issues which left me in a similar situation post birth. I know how hard it is. I honestly didn’t know how it would ever improve. The thing that amazed me is how fast the body can recover. Ita great to read your partner is taking care of things as it’s so important you try and recover.
I just want to bump your post and hopefully someone will be along soon who has experience..

Seelybe · 05/12/2025 17:53

@Sammytoby you poor thing. I think it's awful that you have to travel to see the midwife after 4 days with a nasty birth injury. Why on earth aren't you having home visits? Suggest you phone and ask them to call to take that pressure off yourself. Wishing you swift healing and hope that you can enjoy your new baby properly soon

Pidgeypidge · 05/12/2025 18:05

Hi, I am sorry this is happening to you, I had the same with my first birth- 3a tear and the bowel issues following the stool softener. I didn't make it to the toilet on one occasion and it was a close call for a few times after. It gradually gets better. Make sure you see a women's health physio. My eldest is 3 and a half now, I have had another baby since and no bowel issues at all. You're in the very, very early days. Look after yourself, and let the people around you look after you too. You will bond, I found it hard too at the start but me and my 3 year old are so close now. Take care x

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