Can we um.. talk about um ..s.e.x. afterwards? Cos I'm not having much fun

[wonderstuff]

DD 7 months, only tried it twice, last time this morning, really painful, had to stop, I'm thinking this isn't normal right?? I had some internal tears and stitchs, could this be the problem? What is the answer?? Am I going to have to go to my doctor?? Please share your stories, I'm sure it can't be just me?

Hi wonderstuff. My DD is 6.5 months. Failed ventouse and forceps delivery with 3rd degree tear. Had been ill just before birth too so immune system a bit knackered. Then infection in stitches... then, well I could go on but I won't. I was in pain/uncomfortable for 4 months. But, it shouldn't hurt. I would definitely go and see a doctor and insist on being sent to a tear specialist at hospital which I did. Only tried twice too so far. It wasn't painful, but there is definitely a spot where the scar tissue is still healing (high up ). But don't live with it. It's an important part of any relationship and a specialist at a hospital (not sure where you live, but I would get yourself to a good teaching hospital if you can as that's where the good consultants are) will be able to advise you on what can be done - don't settle for the answer 'nothing'. Good luck. Scar tissue does heal in time.

Nope not just you! I had the same, tearing and stitches. Dont want to put you off but I had a small operation under GA when DD was 4 months old called a Fentons Procedure. After you give birth sometimes the stitches heal with a lot of scar tissue and leaves no "give" in that area so they cut the scarring away and re-stitch it. Nowhere near as painful as the postpartum stitching IMO.
I would go to the doc and get it checked out. It really isnt too bad. Better than no sex!

Are you BF? I had an internal graze, and when I aasked the GP she said that the lack of oestrogen caused by BF was preventing the healing. She offered me a cream to replace the oestrogen so it could heal. I actually stopped BF as I was returning to work, sadly, but it did then heal.

I had an episiotomy and lots of internal stitches. It probably took 10 months to feel anything approaching normal, it's 13 months on now and all is absolutely fine. The irony is that you are probably tense which is making it more uncomfortable. That's interesting what you say about the BFing lou, I did stop feeding DS about the same time that everything came back to normal.

That's interesting - I posted on another thread about being prescribed oestrogen cream to help the healing (as I was BFing) and no-one else had heard of it! I'm glad that I'm not alone. Giving up BFing was definitely a turning point for me, and I was a bit grumpy that no-one had told me before - conspiracy theory alert as I know that they want to get the BFing numbers up!

I know, I was told I was talking rubbish on another thread well over a year ago.

But I literally felt as though I was on fire every time we tried. Then after stopping BF within a month I was fine.

I had nasty tears and stitching and found sex painful, I went to the GP and she said it was scar tissue and that the more we had sex, the better it would get. I was skeptical but she was right, I reckon it hurt about another month and then it gradually got better. Not much fun perservering when it hurts though

Thanks guys, will make an appointment to see my GP. I am still bfing, why does no one mention things like this at the time? would save a load of stress! I vividly remember asking the doctor who examined me how long it would take to heal and he said 'about a week' well it was still swollen after a week, and 7 months later...

Stress and worrying about it doesn't help either. try a couple of bottles of vino and a good dollop of massage oil!

Also if you are bfing you will (probably) need to use extra lubrication, as it tends to make you drier.

Oh, just remembered another thing that I was given. I was also told that sex would stretch things out, but I just couldn't face it. I was given a set of "dilators" (different sized medical dildos basically) to gradually massage the area and increase my "capacity".

I posted about this recently too and got some very useful replies - thread here

I had an easy birth with only a tiny tear and 14 months on it's still sore for me. We have sex quite regularly and it has got better with time but it's still certainly NOT enjoyable. I'm going to the doctor next week.

I never connected the breast feeding and how sex was, but I do know that when I stopped feeding I was like a teenager again

I breastfed for ages and the problems we had did resolve themselves without needing to stop
at first it was painful and we just had to go very slowly
it felt as if it could never possibly feel right again but probably after about a year or so things were back to more or less normal? just be very gentle and use lots of lube if it helps
also massaging youself with a nice oil, around any scarred or tight areas, when you are relaxed, can help to soften and normalise the skin IMO

For me the desire never went away, just the ability to do anything about it. I can still remember sitting in bed struggling to latch DD on when she was a few days old and DH bent over to pick something off the floor and I thought "fwoar!".
Fingers crossed that this time will be easier, and that the delivery will sort me out (or the gynae afterwards).

I was cut and had 3rd degree tear. My lo is 10m and it still hurts when having sex so I went to dr who told me my body will still be recovering from a difficult delivery and as I had a big baby it would take that bit longer.
It seems from these replies that it pretty normal, but I'd say if you are still concerned go back to GP.

First time i had lots of stiches and i presume a lot of scarring. We couldnt have sex for about 8 months, not for lack of trying!!! I really dont know if a lot of it was nervousness on my behalf but it took that long and it was another 2 months before we did it again. That was 3 1/2 years ago.
No 2 is nearly 9 months, no stitches after her and had sex 5 weeks after she was born with no problems.
I only used a tamon again for the first time since no 1 was born this weekend, they were never comfortable after having him but this weekend they were ok....psychological? I dont know but the discomfort seemed real!

Sorry that should be tampon!!

Thanks again, we have added lubrication, and not psychological, I was shocked that it was painful so long after cb. The pain does seem to tally with where I was stiched, perinium stayed in tact but dd's fingernails caused a small internal tear. Like you sushipaws I had an easy birth, but I really don't fancy regular sex thats painful Will ask gp about cream etc. So glad I'm not alone, gives me confidence to go to gp iykwim.

My birth was identical to how you describe wonderstuff - small internal tears from nails, otherwise easy - I just persevered, gritted my teeth for a while and it just got better until totally normal again. But I did persevere quite a bit sooner than you've felt able to so I was back to normal by about 4 months. Agree that stopping bf helps and now I'm pregnant again, it's fabulous!