Birth Partner for friend - come tell me what I need to help her through!

[yelnats]

One of my best friends has recently split up with her partner. She has a 4year old daughter (whom she had a really long and difficult labour/delivery with) and she is expecting No 2 in September. She has asked me, along with her mum to be with her - we will take turns - during her labour/delivery.

I am soooooo excited at this!! I have had 2 relatively easy straightforward inductions then deliveries so am not much use at the difficult ones.

Please tell me what I need to know/do to help her through and how I can be the perfect partner for her.

Thanks

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I've only ever had dh as a birth partner, and he's good at blanking his face. Besides, we had attended AN classes together.

During my last labour a friend came over to babysit when we went to hospital, and I caught a glimpse of her face during a contraction. She looked lost and overwhelmed. Now I know she wasn't my birth partner, but that is precisely what I wouldn't want to see on my bp's face.

I would want someone who could look me in the eye with calm attention, watch me for any indications of what I want from them, and be prepared to touch me without being afraid. And also be unoffended if I pushed them away!

(My friend, BTW, was lovely, and did everything I asked of her until we left. And she managed to master her expression.)

I had ds just two days ago and I had my partner and a friend with me at the birth. I knew my friend would be fantastic as she has had 2 dc, her most recent one being a homebirth. I knew her philosiphy about things was like mine, wanting to avoid intervention, and knew that she would have read up on things as well as drawing from her own experience. What was most helpful was her calm attitude, and hearin her in the middle of a contraction telling me that my body was designed to do this, and that it was worth it. Also looking me in the eye and smiling when I was getting a bit overwhelmed. With dp I appreciated that he too believed in my ability to do it, and his quick responses- if I indicated I wanted a drink, I wanted it now and he was attentive to the slightest nod or shake of my head when I couldn't manage anything else. The other person in the room was the most fantastic midwife, who teaches active birth. Her suggestions about positions to try were invaluable, as was her calmness when I reaches the second stage- loking into her eyes and seeing how calm and smily she was made me feel the same way, and I felt no fear at all. I think you have to remember that lots of people in labour reach a stage where they are tired and maybe afraid and think that they can't go on, and if you can convince them otherwise then that is an amazing thing.
Incidentally, I too have a dd who is nearly 4, and had a dreadful labour with her and was expecting the same this time around, which was not at all the case, so I do wish your friend good luck!

LL's post is brilliant, I would add that it was invaluable having DH and a great midwife who KNEW I could do it even during the times I didn't.
Smiling and not being worried is a great help. Calm, calm, calm.

Thank you for the responses so far. Littlelamb - sounds like you had 2 fantastic birth partners!

Oh and CONGRATULATIONS!!