Community Midwifes not supporting my home birth

[BabiesEverywhere]

I feel like screaming they won't stop looking for problems. Up to now I have played ball and been to hospital for countless blood tests etc and I am sick of them.

I refused an referal for a growth scan (I don't care if I have a big baby) I was told I had to wait in today to speak to the team leader. My DH took the day off work and she never turned up !!!

Eventually got though to her at 4pm, she said she was going to ring tonight and rearrange for the weekend !!! Thanks a lot, after DH has wasted a holiday day for nothing and I have been stressed waiting for her to turn up

Had a brief chat on the phone and I explained that I am unconcerned by the size of my baby and if there was no medical reason I am happy to stand by not going for loads of growth scans.

But what if you were told you had a 11lb baby, I replied I would still stay at home and have a 'trial of labour' and hope that the scan was out in my favour (i.e. They can be out a pound or more)

She mentioned GD and GTT test, I explained no sugar in wee so was there a need for further testing. She suggested I had GD in last pregnancy and I explained I had done a GTT test and passed with flying colours, I just grow large babies (8 lbs 12 ozs last one)

So then she started going on about how she didn't want my baby to die, due to shoulder problems and that they don't carry the right kit to resuss babies. (WTF, I wonder what her boss would think of that statement)

That she didn't care if I hated her for transferring me. !?! (Bearing in mind this is 2 months before my due date) and on zero evidence, she has already decided that she intents on transferring me to hospital

I am so damm angry, upset and feel so let down

I'll see what the Head of Midwifery says tomorrow i.e. If she will meet me and try and help, I will ask if my doula will come with me.

Message withdrawn

Sadly, this afternoon I was seriously thinking about unassisted birth.

I would prefer to get a supportive midwife but if there is no other choice, what can I do.

I refuse to have another nightmare hospital birth because no one is willing to at least attempt to support a home birth.

I love the idea of barter but I don't think we have any skill which someone else would want but I'll have a think in case anything occurs to me.

Bugger BE I saw the thread title and hoped it wasn't you

AM just about to reload the washing machine and go for a wee (glamourous life, me ) and I will call you

You can do websites... good bartering stuff there

Message withdrawn

I had a 10lb baby born at home, and was allowed to have the next one at home too (he was only 9lb 4oz). The midwives sent me to the consultant for a brief chat at my final antenatal appointment, and he was fine about it, so the home birth went ahead as planned.

I think I may have been sent for a scan at 38 weeks iirc (my memory is hazy as DS3 is nearly nine now), but I certainly wasn't plagued with too many extra hospital appointments.

so sorry you're having such a rough time of it. Have you joined the HomebirthUK email group? There are a fair few ladies on there that have a lot of experience dealing with unsupportive midwives.

Mary Cronk had a handy tip as well - if you get some advice that you know is downright wrong (or unnecessarily unsupportive), ask them to clarify and confirm what they've said, get them to spell their surname and then ask for their NMC registration number (GMC for Drs). A remarkably high percentage apparently start back peddling at speed...

Fingers crossed things pan out for you and you get a better bith experience this time round (ps - I'd 2nd talking to IMs. I think mine was after a new kitchen and decorating. You never know till you ask and the worst they can do is say no)

Pruners, I am alright at basic websites, my DH is very good at them. My doula already has a nice website, might ask if she would like any further stuff on it.

Hallgerda, Nice to hear about sucessfully homebirths

Tangle, Thanks for the yahoo link. DH is now wondering if we could swap carbon netural biodiesel for a midwife... LOL

Good luck with the meeting. Don't go alone -take someone wiht you even if your doula person can't go.

don't forget to take note and ask for minutes of the meeting for your approval, I had to do this when I had dd1 in a new area and my regular midwife was off sick - you have to be very firm and if the minutes aren't correct, then amrnd them and send them back for retyping-as many times as is necessary

also, you can try to get hold of the chair of the MSLC , your hospital shoudl have one, and the chair is a lay person, not connected to the NHS or PCT, they are sometimes doulas and other interested types

i imagine once oyu show that you won;t be fobbed off that you are taking this seriously, then you will be amazed at the back tracking that occurs

If you want a home birth you should do the tests.... she obviously has checks nd boxes to tick and I'm sure she doesn't want you to have a dead baby or CP. If you want them to do for you then I think you should jump a couple of hoops.

n o-one should be forced to have antenatal testing that they do not want, you can make an informed decision to decline any testing you want to.. especially if you feel the results will be used against you, IFYSWIM
i am all in favour of tests that will be beneficial in some way. but not ones that are being forced on a mother as a stick to beat her with

this lady has no reason to think she has GDD, IMO or any signs of it. i.e no wee in her urine at antenatal clinic..

if she wants to make an informed decision to delcine further testing, that is her right

just the other side of the coin

BE - I really do agree and sympathise with you on most points, but couldn't read and not comment on the GD. I have never had glucose in my urine, have no symptoms whatsoever, didn't have GD last time but still produced a large baby (9lbs), but I do have GD this time. Having learned a fair bit about it over the last few weeks, I would say that it is really important to pick up on it if you do have it. The GTT would just take a couple of hours of your life, and if you get the all clear then it adds weight to your case for a home birth. I can see how annoyed you are with the hcps, but a little give and take on this one might go a long way.

babieseverywhere here is my 11lb11oz shoulder dystocia home birth story. All this energy they are placing into trying to find something 'wrong' needs to go into boosting the midwives knowledge of you and confidence to deliver you, imo. good luck.

WOW Merry!!!! You star, that is incredible! I will be re reading that before the birth of my next baby in January. The last one was 9lb 2oz and dh is a giant so who knows!!

Inspired stories must be boosting you BE Stick to your guns and i really hope the meeting goes ok. Like Lulu says you will be amazed how compliant and helpful they may become when they realise you are a strong woman willing to fight her corner. Being well read on the subject will boost your confidence too and we can often be blinded by science in these situations.

Your dh sounds very supportive too I remember the consulatnt talking right over me to my dh, telling him that i was going to die, the baby was going to die, surely he was a man of reason

Am rooting for you

There are horror stories and success stories everywhere. I think if you(anyone not OP) want the cost and resources that go along with a homebirth, just do the tests! Whether the results are in your favour or not you can deal with after with informed opinion. No reason you can't have a home birth with a 10lb baby but you will in a stronger position to argue that than without knowing and them being able to say 'but you might whatever'.

babieseverywhere - totally sympathise with you, I had no end of hassle when having DS1 - I hadn't had any tests and they kept trying to tell me I would be at risk etc... Made pregnancy very unenjoyable. I just stopped going to appointments and they realised they should stop harrassing me. Maybe you should tell them that you are considering unassisted birth if they're not willing to support you and they might suddenly become more supportive?! (I never ended up with hb but that was due to house issues rather than anything else)

Posieparker - don't think it's helpful to tell women that they should have whatever tests just so they can get what they are entitled to. No reason for a homebirth to cost any more than hospital birth and cost is no excuse for pressurising women into anything! It's a women's right to CHOOSE and she should have the choice for any test she wants/doesn't want. Is there a limit to the tests you think that women should take for the sake for the HCP? Amnio just coz they suggest it?

i think more women should question the tests that are offered... it is not making an informed decision to just say yes/no. without understanding the ramifications.

how many threads do we see here about 'shall i have this test/ what do these results mean/ what shall i do ...' women are sometimes doing things without thinking through the ramifications and/ or getting sufficient support and information from their care givers

say yes, say no, but say it with the confidence you know the different outcomes and consequences

no birth should be conditional on doing as you are told. resources should not be allocated on the basis that women are being compliant and unquestioning of their care

very often borderline results can cause more grief than they are meant to allay

i thank god there are ante natal tests available.. e/g i think the 20 weeks anomaly scan is fantastic. amnio in certain circs and cvs are amazing. but tests just because you are told to, becasue the midwife wants to guilt trip you.. absolutely not

the OP is someone who i know is well read and well informed and is not declining tests for the sake of being bloody minded

BTW, the costs and resources for a homebirth are cheaper than a hospital birth ,instrumental delivery or c.s . there have been countless threads about the supposed way that homebirth deprives other women of hospital resources

Thanks lulumama

posieparker, The growth scan they want me to do, is not accurate (i.e. Can be out by either 30% / over a pound ...depending on the research read) and the only information they can gain from it, is that I will be having a large baby. I already know I will be having a large baby, therefore why should I spend the next 8 weeks going for weekly scans to tell me this.

I have asked what difference a big baby will make to my birth plans, they think I will magically want a hospital birth, which it doesn't. I want a 'trial of labour' at home regardless of the size of baby.

asur,
I have cancelled my next comunity appointment and I will not be going to see them again. I have had enough.

That's the spirit! they sound like utter arses anyway, you don't need to have your intelligence insulted