too posh to push ?????

[yummiemumma]

ive had all my 3 children by c section due to me having a small and narrow pelvis and cannot give birth naturally. i have often felt like a failure cos i cudnt give birth but a so called friend said that me having a small pelvis is rubbish and i only had 3 sections cos i was too posh too push wtf ????? my other 2 sections were elective and i was told to have them by my obstrectian what do u think ??? wud u be offended if sumone said this to you ????

3 of my babies were too posh to be pushed. The 4th is common as muck.

It is okay to have those feelings but to understand that they need dealing with especially if they taint things. There are birth counsellors that can help as I'm sure if you feel like this from the off it can impact the relationship you have with your baby and/or yourself as a mother. It's important to give yourself a break too, so recognise and resolve.

yep, it is what got me to where i am now, as a doula, and birth educator and birth trauma volunteer!

two good organisations are:

www.sheilakitzinger.com/BirthCrisis.htm

birth crisis

and

www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/

birt trauma association

also, contact your local hospital via PALS to find out if there is a birth afterthoughts service or a midwife who specifically deals with birth trauma.

I don't feel it has tainted my relationship with my children.
I am pregnant now and I'm going to be going over my emcs notes with a mw later this month, I think it will help but I'm very apprehensive.
Sorry, I feel like I've hijacked yummie's thread.
Yummie- I would suggest you talk things through with someone, and I would have a serious conversation with your friend.
I have been told that the reasons I was given for my 'failure' and hence my later elcs were invalid, it has made me feel much worse than I did at the time.
In some ways I wish now that I had not asked questions.

riven-thats so sad

PInkyminkyohnooo-who said your reasons for elc were invalid?the hospital?

sometimes i do think about what it would have been like to have vaginal birth but ive got such lovely children,it really doesnt matter how they got here!

fairymum-lol at your posh and common dc!

A variety of sources,including people on mnet, but I have yet to see my notes, so I shall reserve judgment until then. If the reasons I was given at the time for my failure and emcs are not correct, then I need not have had DD by elcs, that was what I meant. But I was not given an option for VBAC then, and I have now, so we shall see.

well goodluck at you mw appointment and dont get pushed into anything your not happy with.

and dont listen to judgey people

Thankyou, cheesesarnie! It seems strange to thank a sandwich, but maybe I should do it more often!

As if having major abdominal surgery, the associated risks, infection, not being able to hold your baby after, being pumped up with painkillers, in pain for a month or two - is POSH! Victoria Beckham, Jordan et al have given ceasarians a bad name, simply because they can get their crafty tummy tucks at the same time. Most of us 'normal' people either do it because we have to or because we're told to. I felt like a failure after my preg - I couldn't carry my baby properly and I couldn't give birth normally but my dp made me realise how lucky I was for either of us to be alive. Women like Yummie's 'friend' do not help the situation.

PInkyminkyohnooo lol

I thought Jordan chose elective because of Harvey?

Jordan did have to have elective with Harvey as he was a really big baby. So she says in my prenancy mag from a few months ago.

Yummi, Pinky, Whoops, none of you are even remotely failures. Gosh, what an awful thing to feel. If anyone on here, or in RL, even intimates it, then they are merely trying to impose their choices or opinions onto you and to do so when someone is feeling vulnerable is nothing short of bullying There's a lot of this about though. I was leafing through a pregnancy mag last night and the tone all the way through was, at best, that to have a cs was 'missing out'. Another subtle undertone was that a drug free labour was the Holy Grail of births. I won't be buying THAT magazine again. We do not live in Medieval England any more and there is CHOICE in birth. Choice, and a feeling of control, are what help to avoid pnd, and the variety of choices we all have should be celebrated. Although as someone just pointed out, most people I think have a cs imposed on them anyway, so WHERE people get off making snide remarks to them, who are perhaps already feeling a bit low because the birth may not have been what they wanted, I really don't know. It's low, and if I see that on any post, I shall go in there and make a big racket.

I take great pleasure in telling people that I was too posh to push. Twice

Life's too short to focus on the Childbirth Olympics.

i know what u mean lulumama and pinkyminky and i appreciate ur replies thanks everyone i appreciate it very much knowing that u fellow MN are here

C sections aren't always by choice either! This is what bugs me. I had an emergency one with ds as he was undiagnosed breech and in distress. I am now pg with number 2 and my head is spinning with how the labour will go. I am leaning torwards asking for an elective as I still feel traumatised by my experience first time round (even 3.5 years on) and I want to feel more in control this time.
I would tell people to mind their own who asked me any questions about it!

posieparker-how did it go today?

I had an emergency cs with DS and afterwards people kept commiserating with me about how I must feel terrible about it. I didn't and still don't, I just told those people that I hadn't realised I was so posh.
At the end of your birth the midwife does not mark you out of 10 or give you a medal for how well you do it, or do they?? I never got one anyway
I can totally understand why women do feel bad after a cs, but I don't understand why people want them to feel bad about it (I don't mean MNr's, my family were the most likely to comment) Its not a failure or in anyway a reflection on you.
Someone actually told me that DP would respect me more if I tried for a VBAC this time!

cheese, thanks Mrs Overton was fantastic, really lovely and just asked if we were thinking of anymore as I could be sterilised whilst open, and then gave me lots of reasons why I shouldn't and some why I should. She put names to all of my notes, instead of baby 1, etc.
She recommended I have a senior surgeon due to the time it took for the scar to be cut through last time and they have to look at my placenta and ensure it's not growing in the scar at my 20 week scan. All good!!!

had an em c/s first time round with DD & ended up with an el c/s at 40+10 (long story) with DS, after desperately wanting a VBAC.

I've had 3 different friends make comments or try to make a joke of me being "too posh to push" again this time round

If they had any bl00dy idea how hard I tried to get my VBAC (as many on here do as they supported me thorugh the ups & downs) they wouldn't even joke about it

WHy is it people think it's okay to pass judgement on others birth choices, one of the most intimate things a woman can to after all, and usually without possession of all the facts as well

I felt like a failure for a long time after DDs birth & sometimes still do a bit if I'm honest. I guess I will always feel a bit sad that I'll never manage to birth a baby naturally (DS is definitely my last) but I have two gorgeous healthy DC & a lovely DH & in the grand scheme of things I count myself very lucky.

posieparker-good good!can i ask what happens if the placenta is growing in the scar?

If the placenta is implanted in the scar then you're talking about Placenta Accreta. It is potentially very serious whether you VBAC or elCS so the only advantage over either is that you would be in OR for elCS.

whats OR?

Sorry, I was being too lazy , I meant Operating Room.

I had DD elcs at 39 weeks and got a few too posh to push remarks.

I didn't really care as although I wanted to go with whatever birth needed, once told at 34 weeks that DD was still breech, I did not do one exercise recommended to make her move.