too posh to push ?????

[yummiemumma]

ive had all my 3 children by c section due to me having a small and narrow pelvis and cannot give birth naturally. i have often felt like a failure cos i cudnt give birth but a so called friend said that me having a small pelvis is rubbish and i only had 3 sections cos i was too posh too push wtf ????? my other 2 sections were elective and i was told to have them by my obstrectian what do u think ??? wud u be offended if sumone said this to you ????

i only want 4 lol

Well, your 'friend' should have kept her thoughts to herself, presuming she knows that you have often felt a failure.

Unfortunately, I do wonder if she was right about the small pelvis being 'rubbish'. A lot of ladies who plan a VBAC get told their pelvis is inadequate and that they would need a CS for CephaloPelvic Disproportion. Then these ladies go on to have a VBAC of a bigger baby!

Check out Myth 1

However, you made the best decision you could with the information you were given at the time. You may have been given the wrong information but that's not your fault and it makes me so angry to hear women being given this information when it's more likely that poor support and less than ideal position caused the 'CPD'. Or you may well have a real problem with your pelvis, I don't know.

Either way it was very insenstive of your friend to imply that you were too posh.

the trouble is all my baies have been like nine pounds 1 or nine 13 oz

nine pounds 11 i meant not 9lbs 1 doh

After trying to give birth to DS for three days in hospital I had an EMCS and my SIL and MIL both discussed why I was too posh to push!!

After trying to give birth to DS for three days in hospital I had an EMCS and my SIL and MIL both discussed why I was too posh to push!!

Just say "Oh vaginal birth is sooooo common. Haven't you heard?"

sORRYN FOR Double post, ds is 'helping'..

God how I hate this loathesome expression and I have never needed a CS. Are people who have had dental fillings "too posh to do without teeth?" FFS.

My sister has had three C-sections for her three children - the first child was breech so she had an elective C-section, she tried for a VBAC for her second but failed to dilate, so had an emergency C-section, and for the third she didn't want to take any risks after 2 CSs so had an elective CS.

I had a totally natural vaginal birth in hospital.

It really doesn't matter, in my opinion, how you give birth. Personally I think it is nice to avoid unnecessary medical intervention and to give birth as quickly and with as few people around as possible - but it really is up to individual circumstances.

Don't let it bother you and try to avoid the conversation with others if it does.

Yes, I would be rightly pissed off. I've only had one child by el c-s but hate those looks I get from mothers when they find out I never went through labour.
There was a recent news report on about the whole too posh to push thing and how el c-s are on the increase. It really annoys me as it's not taken into account that a lot of women have to have el c-s for the reason that either their or their baby's life is in danger (as in my case), it's just not classed as an emer c-s because labour hasn't started. Childbirth used to a much more risky business than it is now. I certainly would have preferred to give birth naturally and have to agree with mrsgboring that term is vile. Does your friend have a medical degree? I think not!

She is not a friend. Tell her to bum off and mind her own beeswax. I doubt she knows the first thing about it, the prejudiced twonk. Listen to poor Riven. And Pinkyminkyohnoo, your MIL and SIL need their heads banging together. This judgementality about other people's choices MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL!

In my experience, women say nasty things because they either dont understand you or are jealous.

THanks LT. I've had it all- people waxing lyrical about friends who've had natural births being naturally predispose to mother hood, how I shouldn't have needed help after my second section with lifting my toddler etc. etc.

No matter how much you try to rationalise away in your own mind as nonsense, it does hurt as it adds to the feeling of failure many of us who haven't had a natural birth can feel.

Pinky, If you came home from the hospital with a little wriggly thing that you love then there's nothing to feel a failure about. There are no heroes just mothers and babies. Talk to the same women in 20 years time after your babies have had a lifetime of love and are happy and nobody cares how they arrived. At every step there's competition, it's pointless.

i elected to have a ceasearean wih my lo and the wrath i felt on here was unreal as i was so scared of the idea of giving birth it made me completely anxious and paniced it was horrid

but yes there was lots of can you not be botered to do it properley and i was literally scared to death it was horrid

and i eventually decided to labour naturally when my waters broke two weeks early and ended up having a 3 and half day labour which only really kicked off on day second day coz they decided to induce e and i still ended up having an emergency c section because lo got so distressed

if i ever have another i am going to have a c section im not putting myself through that ever agian just to make other people feel better

its terrible what we do to make others think better of us it really is

All I can add to this thread is to attempt to dispel any theory that if you give birth vaginally you are more 'pre-disposed' to motherhood. This is utter bollocks. I gave birth vaginally and found the first few months absolute hell on earth. I felt like a failure. So there you go: we can't win!

I never had a cs and it sounds much more painful than vaginal birth with epidural (which didn't hurt at all and had no after effects for me). And I could have number 4 without worrying about scars. I'm also very posh, by the way.

Anyway, however you get it out, you get a baby at the end. My consultant said "do what you prefer - everybody gets the prize"!

People spout a lot of mumbo jumbo about childbirth, and are miles too nosy and self-important with their opinions.

I had an el;ective cs with ds and plan to have another later this year, rather than a VBAC and end up having an emergency.
I couldn't give a toss if someone said that to me, I am sure |I could think of something to put them right in their place.
The sadest thing about your post, is that you feel like a failure. I am sad to read that.

i think the feelings of failure are worth addressing and they do seem to occur in women who have had c.sections, usually emergency ones.

feeling like your body has let you down in some way, especially if you are told you have 'failed to progress' can have a really devastating impact on some women, and that is a perfectly valid way to feel.

some women breeze through childbirth, whatever mode of delivery they have,some don't.

it is really important that those feelings are listened to and validated. or they can fester.

I told my midwife that I had no desire to push, and give birth vaginally.
She said, oh you don't want to give birth naturally then.
I said, yes, once you take away the diabetic monitoring, the scanner, the drip, the blood glucose machine and the constant monitoring, it is really natural.
She didn't have a comeback.

For some women it is very important to be as natural as possible. I respect that. For others it is not. Why is that so difficult for some pople to comprehend.

Yummiemumma - I would say this person is not your friend, you are right to be offended!

thank you,lulumamma, it's helpful to have your feelings validated when you are feeling low. I'm sure yummiemumma appreciates it, too.x
I know I should feel happy that I have my children, and believe me I do, but the feelings are still there, and still real.

i had those feelings, very strongly, for a very long tme, and i know how powerful it can be. and how it can taint things.

it is ok to have a healthy baby,. but to be upset at the way the baby arrived