What the trauma of childbirth does to your bits - when does it start to get better, when will sex feel like sex?!

[scruffymomma]

evening

Had my first baby 10 weeks ago and ended up with an episiotomy followed by retained placenta so my bits took a bit of a bashing. I got back to normal fairly quickly but I'm worried that the last bit of healing from the cut and stitches is taking ages.

The actual stitches are gone but where they were it still feels kind of tender and as if the skin is ridged up.

On the few occasions that dh and I have attempted sex it's been a disaster because a) my stitches feel delicate and b) I can't really feel much else at all. I knew it would take a good few weeks to heal but at what point do I start to worry? The stitches I can kind of handle but the lack of sensation is a bit scary. I'd hate to think that my sex life was over by 31, it's starting to get me down now and I'd rather just avoid the subject altogether. I have been doing my pelvic floors - how much of a difference can they make?

any experiences / advice would be great

thanks ladies.

Did you have your 6 week check? Did the GP seem to think it all looked ok?

I haven't any personal experience other than it felt odd/different the first few times, it is like that for lots of us. Would some extra lubrication be worth a try, and wait until you are really really relaxed? (glass of wine, baby fairly settled etc)

If not I would consider asking GP for further advice if it continues.

Its still very early days. I think it takes months to really feel back to normal. I think you have done well to have managed sex at all after 10 weeks, I certainly hadn't! Are you breastfeeding? I think that can affect libido too. Maybe you are being a little hard on yourself. Get checked out if you are worried but don't worry your sex life is definitely not over at 31!

Yes b/f definitely puts a downer on libido (for me anyway) as does lack of sleep, unless you have a 10 week old who sleeps well?!

Some contraceptive choices also affect your libido - the pill and other hormonal types.

I have a very biased point of view, because I'm one of the minority who didn't heal well. I would still say that it's early days and there is time for things to heal, although if you have pain or concerns it's not a bad idea to get it checked out by the doctor. There are things that they can do to promote healing like ultrasound treatment and hormone creams if your breastfeeding (that address the lack of oestrogen in your bits that can delay healing). I noticed a big improvement once I'd stopped breastfeeding on the advice of a gynae (DD was 10 months old then).
Pelvic floors are great, not just because it's good to get the muscle tone back, but also because it increases the blood flow to the area, which also helps the healing process.

No exprerience WRT episiotomy and the other trauma you experienced

Just wanted to say.... Pelvic floors? they can make all the difference in the world! You wont regret doing them, honestly, well worth it.

scruffymomma I think MrsTittle is right. It is early days. My first birth was a nightmare and I didn't even want to look at what I looked like down there for weeks and weeks. You feel so different don't you? It does get better, but there is the sex question always lurking in the background isn't there? It took me well over 5 months to really feel like it and I reckon that was down to the stitches etc. Then my second birth was completely different and I had a natural birth and the stitches healed in no time and I had sex very soon afterwards and it was fine.

Just hoping your DH understands that you are going through a lot and unfortunately that side of things will have to wait a bit.

Good luck

thanks for this, i hadn't realised at all that bf could affect healing time that's v reassuring. thankfully my dh is very understanding and knows that he won't be getting anything like regular sex for some time even though we do have a very good baby.

how many pelvic floors would you say you need to do every day?

thanks

No problem. I'm actually a bit evangelical about letting other women know, because no-one bothered to tell me and I was a bit cross that I didn't have the information that I needed to make an informed decision sbout whether to continue.

Pelvic floors - as many as you can!
It's also good to eat a diet that is as good as possible (not easy with a small baby!) as things like vitamin C can aid healing too.

Lots of protein apparently is great for healing too - helps speed up healing of tissue. Good luck.

I had my first 9 weeks ago with episiostomy and 2nd degree tear. had internal and external stitches but at my post natal check they said the stitches were v well done and healing nicely,Still, what with bleeding and tiredness, took me til 8 weeks to even attempt sex. needed lube (sorry if tmi) and was slightly uncomfy at first, like a slight pulling inside or a ridge, better when shifted weight a bit. It didn't actually hurt, wasn't great sex but it was kind of important for me to do it, like a pyschological barrier I had to get through.
I was nervous and I think when we get round to doing it again (still too tired) I'll feel more relaxed about it and enjoy it more.
having said all that, if you're worried, go see your gp.

Ditto the above about bfing (i've been going for nearly two years now) but that's about lube really, hormones affect that bit.

Took ages for my nether regions to feel normal again - I couldn't believe the sensation of bagginess (sorry if TMI) and that when I thought I was pulling in my pelvic floor muscles, nothing seemed to happen. Now they feel fine (as does sex - when we ever get round to it that is ) although not entirely the same as they did before. But I didn't have a cut, but did have a tear which I was lucky with - healed very quickly and easily.

Pelvic floor exercises essential, do them literally whenever you think of them.

I'm still getting over how early some of you have had sex. Took us months to even remember that was part of our relationship! But then we have been together a fair old time.

Mij - that's what I was told too, that BFing was only important in that it reduced the amount of natural lubrication. In which case, lots of KY will sort it out. Actually, that's not right - the lack of hormones impairs the natural healing process too. But a localised hormone cream will adjust the balance. Lot of KY is still important though, obviously.

MrsTittleMouse, I bow to your superior knowledge and note with interest. I hadn't realised.

Has anyone suggested Arnica? Do we know if that's compatible with bfing?

Mij -
It actually took me 6 GPs and 2 gynaes to find out, so it's hardly common knowledge. I do wonder if it's purposely kept quiet as it goes against the "breast is best" message.

Well, it's not just the hormones drying thing, is it? I don't know about the rest of you but when bfing (not now for various reasons) the last thing I felt like was sex, or DH touching my boobs. Felt completely touched out.

mrstittlemouse

am also impressed with your knowledge

can you point me in direction of some info on that - just googled and all i can find is that bfing promotes healing? here

I don't have a journal reference, sorry, just the information that the gynae told me, and then my own experience of things healing when the hormones got back to normal.
I also heard from a friend that a different gynae (in a different hospital) had recommended the oestrogen cream for her and she'd experienced the same result.

no probs
sounds interesting though will see what i can find...

I had a 2nd degree tear with stitches and it took months before I even felt like attempting sex and even then it didn't feel right. I didn't stop bleeding for 8 wks and was in alot of pain with b/f so it was out of the question anyway. Now 21 mths later it feels reasonably 'normal' again. I agree with others who say that b/f affects your libido. I am pg again, due in aug and I just hope I don't have to go through all that for a 2nd time.