msg for Staranise (and anyone else interested in my BS!)

[beforesunrise]

Hi there fellow tearophobic :-)

i did promise i would come back after giving birth to let you know how i got on. as you remember i was terrified of tearing and stitches after fairly traumatic 2nd degree tear with dd1 which had to be repaired 4 months later etc etc.

anyway- i had a lovely, very quick and very smooth labour this time- first contraction at 1.45 pm, we got to hospital at 4.15, was already 6 cms so went straight into the pool- the pool was absolutely BLISS, even though contractions were 2 mins apart and very intense it was amazing to be able to relax deeply in between them and the warm water really did take the edge off. i hadn't planned to actually give birth in water but my second stage was super quick- i suddenly felt the baby coming out and screamed in panic that i had to push. at this stage horrible memories of the crowning with dd came flooding back... mw and dh were AMAZING, they both very calmly and soothingly told me not to worry, it was going to be fine, i was fantastic and DON"T PUSH!!! although at first it was sooo hard, i manage not to push and to jsut breathe the baby out very slowly and (i know it sounds like a contradiction!) relaxedly... she came out beautifully in just 2 contractions and the water was simply unbelievable in taking the edge off the crowning pain- and panic.

in the event i did have a secind degree tear again- although under pressure from dh the mw did agree to reclassify it as "one and a half" degree (they thought it was hilarious, me less, but still, nice to know it wasn't extensive or severe). she stitched me up right away and although it is too early to tell whether all will be well i am feeling really confident it will. i had no bruising and swelling thanks to the water and fast 2nd stage and i have to say i feel completely different than with dd1.

so- even though i tore, i tore less badly, and without trauma. i am sure the water was a massive help, but other than that- who knows? just wanted to let you know that my worst fears were completely unfounded and i had a much more positive experience this time.

wishing you the same!

forgot to say- dd2 was 3.9kgs (8lbs10) so not tiny!!

Im not sure whether we have "talked" about this before but I have recently posted about this and my fear of repeat tearing and episiotomy. That was a lovely story and told very beautifully and I am so glad you enjoyed the experience so to speak - well you get what I mean lol. Leaves me feeling a little more confident

Congratulations on not so little DD2!!

xx

addictedtoharibo- i am sorry i am not sure i read your posts but i wanted to say that i think for me the key has been to prepare mentally for the fact that in all likelihood i would tear again- but that it would be ok. with my first i was obsessed with not tearing and the very fact i did was a massive issue in itself. that, and the fact that it took them 6 hours to stitch me up which i am sure didnt help.

anyway, this time i pretty much forgot about birth plan i only wrote in there: "terrified of tearing, help me have a controlled and slow second stage!" and that's what i told the mw. i was lucky that she was lovely and i completely trusted her. she was honest and said "i can't promise you won't tear, but we'll do all we can!"

good luck- how far along are you?

Wow! Congratulations, that's fab! And thank you for the reassurance! I think you got it absolutely right, like water birth, controlled second stage and realising that tearing isn't the end of the world.

Only hope that my experience is as positive as yours! TBH, my 12 week scan is tomorrow and i'm now so nervous about taht, I'll be grateful as anything jsut to reach the childbirth stage!

Congratulations again, am defintiely going to followyour example and ask for water birth.

Hoep you're enjoying those lovely firswt days with your new DD )

Thanks again

just thought I'd barge in and add my own anecdote for you if you're worried about tearing.

I had a second degree tear with my first, and was really scared about it happening again with the second.
I had a quicker labour second time round and a bigger baby, but I only tore the teensiest bit. midwife wasn't even going to stitch me, but then decided to put one in just in case lol.

so, don't fear, just because it happened once doesn't mean it'll happen again

Im 26 weeks now and really getting quite scared about it - seem to have blocked out everything else and am focusing on this which is not healthy. I really like the idea of deciding I will tear, deal with that and take it from there - kind of like expect the worst case and prepare myself for that. I also like your idea for the birth plan and will put that on there.

I have no idea why I am so scared in the grand scheme of things as in reality its only a few seconds of it happening - but the recovery was horrible last time.

This time I am hoping for a water birth and active labour - not lying on my back like last time.

Am so happy things for you that things were more positive for you this time
xx

i think it's normal to focus on one thing and get all scared about it. but you have a long time to adress it 14 weeks it's plenty. i recommend hypnotherapy as well- i had a cd (the jeyarani way) and i think it also did help in changing my mindset about it.