So fearful of interventions

[Confusedcookie]

Today I saw my obstetrician for the first time, and she said she thinks I'm healthy enough to go ahead and try for a vaginal delivery. Before this my midwife was suggesting a C-section and that I'm an increased risk due to my own health issues.
Now I know my body is designed to give birth and I'm more than willing to try but the thing I'm really scared about is all the interventions this can mean - particularly vaginal examinations. My friend told me when she was induced she had to be checked 4 times a day for 5 days before they agreed to a section to see how much she was dilated and if things were progressing. It fills me with such an unreasonable fear and if I'm honest anger whenever I have a smear test, it's like I can barely handle it and that's a one off, it's making me so anxious that I'm going to struggle with that part of labour and just have a horrible experience.
I'm not really sure what I'm asking but has anyone else felt like this pre birth and what were your experiences?
Sorry if this is just rambling.

Gas and air really helped me through vaginal examinations. Didn't feel any discomfort while high on g&a.

I felt the same and ended up with all sorts of interventions including attempted ventouse, forceps, an attempted manual rotation (the surgeon had his hands inside me trying to turn the baby's head) and an eventual emcs.

If you'd told me the above in advance, I would have been an utter mess but in the moment, I was so focused on the labour and baby that I would have endured anything to get her here safely.

And when people said the above to me in advance ie in the moment you will be focused only on the labour, I'd scoff because those eejits had no idea how I felt about interventions and there was NO way I'd cope with it. I was so very wrong.

You can refuse vaginal checks. That said, I found them a helpful benchmark and I told the midwife when a contraction was starting so she would stop if it was and check after. At that point it was the same as a rather vigorous fingering - definitely not painful.

Sounds like you need a warm, older woman who has experienced giving birth to support you. It is scary and it can be complicated. But not always. Many women have straightforward good birth experiences. Many don’t. So your fear is rational.
You shouldn’t have to cope with these massive feelings and decisions (have an elective, try vaginal etc) without solid support. Some people use a doula - I wish I had with my first pregnancy. If you don’t have this kind of person/support from the hospital or your family/community- then a doula or private midwife could be a great help to you. All of this obviously costs money- but I have heard good things from friends who’ve had them.

I didn't know that was an option except when you where having a contraction so that's good to know.
God the idea of manual rotation makes me feel sick but I'm sure you're right in the moment I'd be able to get on with it.
I think the fact that my last 3 friends to have babies have ended up having to have crash sections so part of me was thinking jump straight to an elective section and save some of the stress but then I know that's got a lot of it's own risks etc so I'm definitely not saying it's an easy option.
I will speak to the midwife at my next appointment about my worries, and I've looked at hypnobirthing courses so will look into that more and maybe a doula.
Thanks everyone

Definitely talk it over. You can say no vaginal checks at all (they can check how long your purple bum cheek line is instead) or just say a contraction is coming, wait/stop/pull out. Zero issues with that (even when baby is potentially in distress - if you remove consent, they won't exam you). And also bear in mind you can say interventions up to X point. For instance, if you need to be induced you can say fine for balloon or pessary, but if no progress and will need a drip you can specify you want a section.

I'll just say it, it's OK to want a c-section OP. I had two beautiful calm and lovely elective CS. Absolutely no regrets

What does your birth plan say? I put on my birth plan that I didn't want any vaginal examinations. They respected my wishes, and only did one strategic one before I got in the bath to see how dilated I was. Looking back I don't think that one was even necessary. It was uncomfortable. I didn't like it, but I had agreed to it. There was still some cervix there but I got in the bath and delivered my baby 30 minutes later. I was in the 'pushing' stage for 3 hours. That was normal for me. It's not pushing really it's doing a down breath and it sometimes functions as a way to get your cervix open. So this whole idea that the cervix should be fully open before pushing commences is bullshit. Vaginal examinations would have served no purpose for me.

Have you researched the purple line? My midwives knew about this. Ask your midwife of she knows. There is a line that goes up your bum crack that indicates how far along you are.

If you don't want any vaginal examinations then don't have them. Insist on an atmosphere int he room that suits you, and prepare your partner in advance to speak up for you if they aren't listening. They aren't allowed to keep asking if you have already said no. That's informed consent. Your partner should say ' she has given you her answer.'

I had a very natural, non traumatic labour.

Good luck. You will do great. You've got this!

As others have said, you do not have to have vaginal exams if you don't want to.
It might make other interventions more difficult or inadvisable, for example if you want an induction they might need to use vaginal exams to monitor whether or not the induction is working. If you're nervous about something, ask for more information so you can prepare, and make an informed decision to accept/decline.
If you feel it's better for you, you can decide to have a planned c-section instead. It's your body, your right to choose your method of birth, and your concerns are absolutely valid.