Did you/ will you tell people when baby is coming?

[zzmonstera]

I'm 37 weeks pregnant with my first, and likely to be booked for a c-section in a couple of weeks.

My mum has been quite pushy about finding out about my birth plan (which I've been uncertain about for various reasons, so pressure from her hasn't really helped). I know she will want to know exactly when it is happening.

I sort of feel I would rather just get it all done and not tell anyone apart from DH until the baby is here - but I know she will be massively upset by this.

She doesn't live anywhere close anyway, so she wouldn't be able to come and support. She just wants to know everything but I just feel like it's a hassle updating people and adds pressure.

I've also had a couple of other flippant comments from people saying 'let us know when you go into labour' etc - err no I don't really want to thanks!!

I'm interested in how other people navigated things like this - Did you share with family/ friends that you were either going into labour or the date you booked your C section for? If people kept asking you, how did you respond?

I love my mum and want to navigate this with empathy but at the same time, I need to do it in the way that feels right for me.

I didn’t tell my push mother until after the fact - 1st tokd she was several thousand miles away whoch was a handy cushion. Second time I had to entertain her within the week.

I didn’t tell my mother I was going in for induction. Spoke to her when I there and just made out I was at home. Her behaviour after the birth proves I was right to do this.

DD was born at 06:00. DP rang my mum as soon as he could. She didn’t answer. Despite being weak I rang her shortly after to be met with the response “Why didn’t you call me earlier?” Then I was congratulated. Just got down to the ward when I got a call from the wife of a distant cousin (not someone I’m close to). She was then horrified I’d only just gone through childbirth and’s hung up (obviously my mum had suggested it was the perfect time to ring). Luckily Covid meant I was visitor free for a few months.

Nope, called our parents after she was born and we were both back on the ward and settled. Even without telling anyone still got texts asking for news, i muted them (whatsapp)

I don’t know why we didn’t tell our parents when my waters broke and I was admitted, we were AWOL for 2 days. When dc1 finally arrived, I called my parents, my dad answered and cried with relief! Mum had been calling us at home and said she was almost at the point of ringing round the hospitals but they had guessed that I was in labour.

When I was admitted with dc2, I rang them immediately to let them know and they drove to where we lived and waited nearby for news and helped with dc1.

I wish I hadn’t put them through that the first time. The silly thing is that I’m sure we had mobiles (this was 20 years ago) but they must’ve been out of charge as I remember the midwife giving me a landline phone.

No

We told people the date but I wish we hadn’t. The “is he here yet?” texts were bloody annoying.

I told my parents, PIL, a couple of friends and my whole NCT group when I was going in for induction with DC1. I didn’t feel anyone was waiting with bated breath and nobody hounded either of us for any updates. DH made a couple of calls and sent a few messages after he was born.

No. I told my mum and she turned up at the hospital. Keep it under wraps, and under your control, until things have settled a bit and you're ready to face people.

I told just about everyone close to me, parents, siblings, best friends and actually everyone at work that I was being induced. I was working until lunchtime, being induced at 4.. left work telling everyone I was off to have a baby 😂

I do know that I’m probably the exception but I can’t hold my water at all 😂

DC1 told no one. It was quite fast. Cramps from 6am by 8am having regular contractions, went into hospital 11ish and was fully dilated and pushing, had baby just after midday. Didn’t have a lot of time for texting or being bored.

DC2 was a planned induction but waters went about 1am, told DM and DDad who were staying locally so they could come and look after DS1. Went into hospital, contractions started about 5am, baby born at 1am so not really any downtime to tell anyone.

I’ve had some friends having inductions or long labours who have been bored out of their brains texting me throughout. Everyone is so different.
I guess they’ve known I’ll just be respectful when they go quiet. I have worried about them of course!

I was vague. If they pushed, I said ‘Because I don’t want you to know.’ I am better off being left alone when ill, injured, or in labour. I didn’t see anyone for three weeks afterwards either. Difficult, long labour ending in a section and then I never developed a milk supply.

Did anyone get annoyed/ fall out with you over it? Or did they just leave you to it?

If I told my mum I didn't want her to know something she would not react well - I know I shouldn't care but it's hard not to and she can make it very stressful.

Same as above - with my first we told people the exact date and never ever ever again! Constant texts, messages, phone calls, even coming round to the house knocking on the door!
My mum was very clear that she didn't want to know anything until the baby was here as otherwise she'd just panic, so we didn't tell a sole until he was born and here with us.
With our second, our DS went and stayed with family anyway for a couple of days (this had been planned for ages in advance) and I just so happened to go into labour when he was away, so thankfully didn't have to tell anyone then either!

I very strongly believe that it should be a private thing between you and your birth partner - the last thing you want when you're in labour/having a section is your birth partner (or you!!) getting harrassed on the phone for updates.

I think your best course of action is to promise her that she will be the first to know when the baby arrives, but keep the exact details to yourselves. If you just reply to her texts with "Not yet. You'll be the first to know" then maybe she won't pester you.

My mam randomly rang to let me know she was going into emergency surgery. I tried my best to hide the fact I was having contractions, but she noticed.She didn’t tell anyone she knew and didn’t find out until she came out of surgery and met Dad who told her the news!

I told a parent (who is normally very discreet) when I was being induced. They were fine, but they told another family member who was a nightmare messaging every hour asking if the baby had arrived, even after I explained it took days (it took 4). They also threatened to turn up at the hospital...

I had a planned c-section the first time for breech and I told no one bar my mum the planned date as I didn’t want people to know ahead of baby being born. Given different circumstances I may not have told mum but she was very involved at that time and was likely coming with me. Second time spontaneous VBAC and mum only knew because she looked after my eldest and no one else was told until baby here.