Hi.. my BMI is in the 40s, I’m 28 and this is my first child. I’m now 39 weeks + 2 and I’m still unsure of whether vaginal birth or a c-section is the way for me. I know risks are associated with both and it’s looking like I’m going to be suggested an induction by my consultant.
I’ve been struggling with mental health and anxiety throughout the pregnancy, purely surrounding giving birth. The unpredictable nature of birth and the risks of what could go wrong are something that literally petrify me. I have reoccurring nightmares surrounding PPH and me literally dying. Through pushing and having a stroke or loosing so much blood. I try to research positive birth stories and remain that those outcomes will not be mine. But I still can’t shake this feeling and as birth is approaching I am driving myself crazy.
The reason behind a C-Section allows for some element of control, everyone has explained elective are usually more peaceful and calm which is something I need and if something was to go wrong, I’d be in the correct place for it to be rectified. However the healing and recovery process is a scary one, as my stomach overhangs quite a lot and naturally I sweat and I know it would be really hard to heal.
Consultant has advised an early epidural regardless and I attempt birth vaginally, stating if baby wants to come via C-Section she will chose to do so anyway. This doesn’t help my anxiety.. the thought of a long drawn out labour, which my mental health cannot take, a negative induction (if needed), epidural not working, PPH, needing to be cut for forceps/ventouse and completely losing control scares me. But I know this isn’t everyone’s experience, but the statistics are that it’s likely it could be mine due to risk factors and in terms of first birth stories and I’ve done a lot of research, this seems to be the regular outcome I’m seeing. The positives are that I can have my mum in the room, as well as my partner as she is my safety blanket and when I have panic attacks, is the only person who can bring me back to total calmness. I’m completely at a loss of which way to go.
I know I need to change my negative mind set, but despite how hard I’m trying I’ve literally reached a point where I don’t know how to anymore. Can people share positive labour/induction/c-section high BMI birth stories?? Or stories on those who have also struggled with the extreme fear of birth and how to help overcome this? From one very scared momma to be.
I also don’t need to be lectured, I understand some of my rationale is completely irrational and if I could control my mental health.. I very much would.