Scared of dying in child birth

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Hi all
I am pregnant with my 3rd baby. I have a daughter, and son already.
I am 36 years of age. I have the worst fear at the moment- I am scared of dying during labour/child birth. I can't get this out of my mind no matter how hard I try.
Has anyone else felt this way or is it just me?

Kind comments welcome. Xxx

Did you feel like this with your first two children? If so how did you overcome it? If not, what is different this time?

OP it must be hard for you worrying all the time. Although it's not unheard of for someone to die in labour it's thankfully rare. It might be worth having a chat with your midwife next time you have an appointment to get some reassurance. If there's anything specific you think might be a problem they can probably also help with that.

I know plenty of mums with 3+ children so I reckon you'll be ok.
Congrats on your impending 3rd.

Do chat to your midwife for reassurance that your situation is straight forward.

And chat to your DH or anyone (mum, sister, friend?) really just to let off some pressure about this. I understand how scary it is. It's part of being an adult to comprehend how much you could lose.

At a minimum, if you can manage it, make sure you have a will and that it reflects your wishes. This might give you some peace of mind.
DH and I had 'mirror' wills so that each of us inherited the other's full estate so that the survivor would have all the assets for supporting the DCs.

I’d love to tell you it never happens but despite being rare it does. Write your will, write letters to both your dc but then try to put it out of your mind as at this point you can’t change things. It is really rare

Oh I’m sorry you are having this anxiety…. The anxiety is probably just trying to keep you vigilant, but has gone into unnecessary overdrive. The chances really are infinitesimal. (0.0135% to be precise, if you are in the uk), and even less than that if you are not in a deprived area, or from an ethnic minority. Very sadly, women from these groups have higher risk, though still tiny, tiny. Women have been giving birth successfully for millennia and on top of that, we have amazing technology and expertise now to protect us. On top of that, you have already had two births, so your body really knows what it is doing.

for perspective, it is about a hundred times more likely that a regular driver in the uk will die from a traffic accident, than a woman giving birth will die giving birth.

So something in your system has got this out of proportion. Try to meet that part with compassion and calm…. Be thankful for your internal vigilance….. it’s a sign of how much you want to be there for your baby and other children. The fear, I think, is essentially a symptom of love. Listen to that part… if there are any real reasons to worry…. Whether it is something about your own health or an instinct you have that you don’t trust your doctor…. Listen and take any practical action you can.. Don’t shut off those instincts or real concerns, but do also compassionately reassure yourself, because it is almost for sure you will be fine, and you don’t want to lose the joy of this time. Try to exhale and find that inner sense of safety and peace.

is there a particular reason you're worried about this (eg high risk pregnancy/history of PPH/heart problems, etc)? If there isn't and it's 'just' anxiety then it's probably worth asking about perinatal mental health support in your area (most units have at least 1 MW with a special interest) to see if they can help with techniques to manage the anxiety. If there is a particular reason your pregnancy is high risk then speak to your obstetricians about your concerns - they'd be the ones planning to manage medical risk with you and would hopefully be able to explain the rationale behind their advice for how they'll keep things safe.

It is extremely unlikely if you give birth in a hospital. The chances of dying in a car accident on the way there, or of any other illness are much higher. However if you can’t get it out of your head by looking at the statistics and seeing how much more likely it is to die of anything else - and it doesn’t sound like you have a general panic of dying? - then maybe it would help to speak to a professional to work on coping strategies and talk through it in a therapy session to get to the bottom of this fear.

Yes, I felt like this OP. It's so tough having anxious thoughts like this.
When I had my baby, I ended up needing a very last minute emcs. It was pretty frightening and I was so scared as you can imagine, it felt like a nightmare. I kept getting those awful thoughts running through my mind. However, the surgeons, midwives, anesthetist..everyone..we're incredible. They made me feel as safe as you can in that situation. Everything was absolutely fine and me and my baby came out of it completely healthy.
I'm in no way saying this situation will happen to you. I just want to reassure you that the staff deal with different types of birth every day. There's always someone with complications, but it doesn't mean worst case scenario. They know how to deal with it, if and when it arises. Many births are uncomplicated. Either way, the likelihood is you'll be absolutely fine. 💕

No advice really but I’ve just been through this with my second and it’s so tough. I was so convinced of something bad happening that I was basically thinking of my due date as my death date, it was horrible! DS is now 5wks so I lived to tell the tale, and honestly the birth couldn’t have been more straightforward/less eventful, and I now wish I’d enjoyed the pregnancy more, but hindsight is wonderful like that.

Have you talked to your midwife? There is often a maternal mental health service with a service specifically for phobia of labour. All the best to you xx

As a midwife I’ve seen so many extreme emergencies in my 10 years and in every single one, no one has died. I promise you what’s scary for you is another day in the office for us. Our whole job is to look after you. Please mention it to your midwife, there should definitely be someone she can refer you to for additional support.

No advice but I empathise OP....I'm 37 with 2 girls and debating a 3rd but this is one of the worries I have, despite knowing its a very small risk of the worst happening!
It crossed my mind with my 2nd, but didn't consume me, but this time maybe cause I would be 4/5 years older it feels more risky.