Our labour story

[Smellz714]

I wrote this out a few months ago after replying to a thread about NHS care during childbirth. It's nearly my son's birthday and it's had me thinking about my experiences.

TLDR: trust your body, pester the staff if you're worried.

I have two children born in the same hospital roughly two and a half years apart. I had two vastly different experiences of childbirth:

First baby:

At 38 weeks I was sent to a consultant because of excess fluid, I was advised to have an induction at 39 weeks because there would be added risks if I went into spontaneous labour. I accepted what I was told without researching the issue or potential complications that can arise when inducing labour. I signed the form and was given instructions to call the ward on the given date. I called them first thing and was told there was a wait for a spot. About 7pm we got to the hospital, about 10pm the pessary was inserted my partner went home for the night and I tried to get some rest. Next morning I didn't feel like any progress had been made, partner arrived and we went for a walk around the hospital grounds and popped to the shop for a few bits. By 11am things had started to ramp up, I was in pain and it was getting worse very quickly. I went to the toilet of the shared room I was in when my waters broke, because of the excess fluid it was a flood, then within minutes I was having very strong contractions, I told someone that my waters had broke and they told me it was probably my forewaters and we needed to wait for my hind waters to go too, I hadn't heard these phrases but said 'i'm pretty sure they've gone, my pessary came flying out, is that ok?' she laughed and said no not really and left. This was about 1pm. I was beside myself. The pain had made me sick, I was crawling up the wards clinging to the walls in agony. I asked for pain relief and was offered paracetamol and ibuprofen. I asked for gas and air, they said it was just for women in active labour. I said I thought I was and asked to be examined, they said they wouldn't because they could cause an infection poking around too much. I was offered a bath. I went to the loo again, no wee came but I had to hold back the urge to push. I wasn't in active labour. At 7pm there was a staff change, the new midwife calmed me down, changed my sheets and hooked me up to a monitor. They were in and out for a few hours, my contractions weakened, pain lessoned but they weren't happy with baby's heart rate and so decided to get me into the labour room. It was 11pm. At last I was examined. The midwife (who was amazing) said 'i can't believe you got to 9cm without any pain relief' - wasn't for the lack of asking! I was put on a hormone drip to open the last cm. My contractions had all but stopped, baby was stuck in my birth canal and time was running out. At 4am I was sent to theatre and my baby was born via forceps. Baby was fine and is a spritly 3 yo. All's well that ends well yeah? No. It was fucking awful. I was so angry. My partner too. I had a really difficult time bonding, maybe a bit of pnd? I had intrusive thoughts, none of the good hormonal stuff, just fear of losing her, fear of everything all the time.

Second baby:

I was very nervous about labour and did not want to be induced again. I was told by the community MW that understaffing issues (that she blamed for the issues in labour 1) had been resolved.

I was massive again so expected to be referred to a consultant. I was, but I researched polyhydramnios and looked into the risks associated. I had been determined to not have an induction but decided I would, couldn't take the risk to baby of spontaneous labour. Chances were I wouldn't need the pessary or drip because it was second pregnancy, they could just break my waters. I read a hypno birthing book, practiced my breathing and had a plan, if I needed to, I would make my voice heard. Went into hospital and waited for a labour room to become available. As I waited in my shared room I read the posters on the walls, 'the timeline of inductions'. 24 hours after the pessary goes in I will be 2-3cm dilated, then my waters will be broken, then baby pops out. This was the issue with DC1 then; the hormones worked too quickly and I didn't fit the timescale. 36 hours after arriving and I was getting my waters broke, coincidentally, by the midwife who led the delivery of my first. A few minutes later and the contractions ramped up, felt about the same as when I was crawling the wards, I was 6cm. They hooked me up to gas and air. I did my breathing. I was so calm I was nodding off between contractions. The feeling shifted and I knew I needed to push, felt about the same as when I resisted the urge to push in the loo. The midwife guided me gently, I was in control. The moment he was born was the greatest of my life. It was giddy, spiritual, a rush of pure love and joy. The memory of the 3 of us lying in that room basking in golden morning light with a tangible feeling of pride and respect still carries me through the tough sleep regression nights. I am so grateful to the midwives and all of the staff for encouraging me to trust my body. But I am still so pissed off that I couldn't have it first time round.

Ditto- pretty much. I was induced with my first, treated like I was making a fuss, chronic understaffing, still cry if I think if how I was not given my boy to hold (they gave him to my dh as I was hooked up to drip), took a v long time to get over. 2nd- had a sweep, went into labour 24 hrs later, baby born quickly and as you said, a much more present experience- helped by understanding and good staff who weren't trying to have one midwife deal with 4 women fully dilated ( as my notes show happened with my first).

The thing is, you don't know what you don't know and it's not wrong to follow the advice you get at the time. It's also OK to feel agrieved and grief for what it could have been. You are not alone. A lot of women say how it was all an amazing experience and i genuinely believe a lot say it because society isn't happy that a lot of women are truly shocked by what they experience.

It's been 24 years but I understand what you're saying.

I wasn't induced, but when I arrived in hospital with my first having 4 contractions in 10, I was examined at only being 1-2cm. They tried to send me home or offered me induction as my waters had gone. I refused both as I was pretty sure I was in active labour despite what my cervix said. They found a room for me and I asked for gas and air which was refused. Two hours later my DH found a midwife as I was pushing and I was 10cm and she could see DD's head. I hadn't been monitored at all and neither had DD so they had to put a clip on her head to make sure she was ok! She was born 25 minutes later.

It was all a bit of a shock and obviously not handled well by the staff however it was the kind of birth I wanted (except the lack of pain relief!). I was supposed to be consultant led, give birth on an obstetric ward, be monitored the whole time with a midwife in the room etc and I didn't want all of that.

I'm due my second in the next couple of months and am considering refusing vaginal examinations as they clearly aren't a great indicator of how I'm progressing with my labour. I met with an anaesthetic consultant recently who said that they should not have refused to give me gas and air. I'll be advocating for myself better this time!

Yes I was also refused gas and air. Apparently 'only given when you're pushing the baby out... '
@Smellz714 its ok to feel angry- lots of this is lack of staff who have time to deal properly with patients. But it can take a very long time to get past that, not helped by people saying 'but your baby is fine, that's the main thing'. The more you talk about this the easier it becomes, I've found. I look back and I'm proud that I weathered the storm, even though at the time I was embarrassed I could not cope with the pain ( nuts I know).

@NineteenForever that's unbelievable! When I was told I was 10cm and to keep pushing I asked for gas and air and she told me it was too late then as I needed to focus on what she was telling me (coaching me through pushing DD out!). I got it in the end when I had my stitches.

Thank you all for replying and offering support. I'm over the worst of the grief. I feel I gave away the control of my body to someone else and I'm pissed off about it. I'm pissed off about all the women I hear about who have such terrible experiences after inductions.

Staff were awful with my first. My contractions were very strong early on, I was told I couldn't be in that much pain and one even said they would send me home! I was in agony for a good 12!hours before finally being offered pain relief and it was a 30 hour labour needing a ventouse in the end. I blame the staff that they left it too late so by the time I was giving birth I was exhausted, drugged and unable to push.

I was terrified for my second and stayed at home as long as possible. When I went in I was 9 cm and baby was born 20 min later. Different hospital and the staff were amazing.

@Smellz714 I had a similar experience when I gave birth to my daughter. I was screaming in pain and begging them to check me but they wouldn’t as it’s only hospital policy to check every 6 hours. Yet they were confidently telling me I wasn’t in active labour and could only have paracetamol. That makes me so angry. So when they finally did check me and found me fully dilated it was all panic stations to get me down to delivery. Once there my daughter was in distress and the first time I got even a sniff of gas and air was when they were getting the forceps ready. I’m still angry too and so totally understand. It affected me deeply.

I’m glad you had a better experience second time round. I’m currently 20 weeks pregnant and anxious about the birth. I’ve decided though that I’m 100% going to decline induction. With my age and having low Papp-a again, I’m expecting to have the conversation about induction when I see my consultant, and I think I’m going to say that if there’s a risk to my baby then I want a c-section. I’d love to go into spontaneous labour but feels very unlikely.