Traumatic birth advice please xx

[MamaMay24]

TW: traumatic birth, placental abruption.

Sorry, this is quite a long one…🫶🏼 Baby boy is now 8 months but just working through this now.

So… Everything about the early pregnancy was textbook. No morning sickness, nothing at all that was out of the ordinary or any risk factors whatsoever. Later on the scans showed baby boy was on the larger side so they did the test for gestational diabetes which came back negative. Also had a couple of extra scans booked in to monitor baby’s size.

I had a scan at 39 weeks. The ultrasound lady said baby looked healthy but I needed to see the consultant, who said that baby’s growth was now tailing off and wanted to do an induction the next day!! At this point my blood pressure was high aswell.

Me and husband arrived for induction the following day and they started all that up, everything was going slow and steady, transferred to delivery room with all the monitors on, cannula in, hormone drip started.

They did a urine test and found I had pre eclampsia (didn’t actually get told this, it was just in my hospital notes which I requested after son’s birth). In hindsight I was wondering at the time why they kept asking me if I had a headache but didn’t think much of it with everything else going on, but apparently this is one of the signs to look out for along with high blood pressure??

I was feeling SUPER overwhelmed and emotional just at the whole situation and things feeling out of my control etc. I’d fully wanted a natural birth in the birth centre but now all these interventions were happening and it was just a lot.

Everything was ramping up quite quickly but then shit absolutely hit the fan. I got up off the bed and suddenly had the most excruciating pain in my side. About 10 seconds later I was bleeding bright red onto the floor and got hustled back onto the bed by the midwives. An alarm got pulled, people came running in. I was completely unable to communicate other than to say the pain wasn’t stopping. Someone tried to get an electrode onto baby’s head as the monitors were only picking up on the endless contraction but this wasn’t a success. This seemed to go on forever and felt like torture. They said it was placental abruption.

Husband signed consent for emergency c section, everything is a blur. My son spent 2 days in nicu with a breathing issue but did really well and was absolutely fine after that. I felt absolutely neglected in hospital post c section and was just struggling to process what had happened while also feeling all the feels of a new baby. It was a rollercoaster of emotions to say the least!!

Now looking back on my birth experience, I can’t help but feel such a deep sadness like I was robbed of having a positive birth and that my body failed to protect my son. It’s really hard to explain to people who will automatically say “but at least you’re both here” and of COURSE I’m so grateful for that but there are a ton of other feelings too. 😣😣

I feel terrible for my husband too who witnessed the whole thing. He’s not talked about it much but is also scared for future pregnancies.

I thought this was something I’d get over but it still feels so raw and anything related to birth jolts me to the core. Like I’m flicking through channels and see something like one born every minute its like there’s a fear response and I just can’t think about it.

Im now so scared of this happening again if I had another baby. We were planning to have 2 close in age but it’s not even something I can think about now ☹️

Has anyone else experienced something similar and did it affect future pregnancies?

Is it something that does eventually feel less traumatic or did you do any work/therapy?

HOW do I get over this Xx

Not identical but also ended up in emergency section and lost nearly 1lt of blood.

I can’t drive past the turn off for the hospital without a knot in my stomach. I do have regular catch ups with a psychiatrist and the perinatal team which help but I still look back as you do that I was robbed of a positive experience

I definitely would suggest talking therapy as a starting point

As cliche as it is, time does help the memories and pain feel less immediate. My SIL has a very traumatic birth (massive bleeding, grade 4 tear due to forceps which she hadn’t wanted) and it took 3 years before she felt ready to get pregnant again. Her children are 4 years apart and have a beautiful relationship.

My birth wasn’t nearly as traumatic as yours, although it ended in an EmcS and I felt very very poorly supported by the hospital- the consultant who was on that day was a bully- it was so bad the midwife warned me before she came into the room! It did take time for me to be ready but eventually I was. Even though my second pregnancy also ended in an EMCS, I found it much better mentally as the consultant talked to me like I was human!

Second talking to someone about it. And also, about what you might do to help yourself manage your feeling next time e.g have a elective C-section, chose a different hospital (not saying they did anything wrong but might help you feel better about the next birth!)

You should be able to contact the hospital you gave birth at for a debrief or some hospitals call it birth reflections service. A midwife will go through the notes with you and be able to explain what happened at what time and why those decisions were made. This can help a lot. I know that for my birth which I found the most traumatic, I really lost any sense of time and didn't have a clue what was happening when and it was helpful to be able to piece those memories together.

And then yes, if you feel you need it after the debrief, trauma counselling would likely be helpful. You might be able to do it with your DH as well or separately?

Look at this organisation too:

https://www.birthtraumaassociation.org/

That’s awful about your consultant, I’m so sorry😣 I think it makes a HUGE difference having the support of medical team. There was a shift change during my labour, lovely midwives swapped to some who were really snappy and rude… the difference was night and day!! Makes such a difference being treated like a human I agree.

Next time would 100% be an elective c section xx

Oh I do remember being told about it before thanks for this!! That could definitely be a good starting point, I’ve read through some of the hospital notes but a lot is really hard to understand xx

Can absolutely understand. We had to take son for a hearing test in the same hospital and walking into that place was awful, it just brought it all back.

How did you get in touch with perinatal team, was it through your GP or directly? xx

You've had some great advice above. Biggest advice.. Give yourself time and grace. 8 months is not long at all.

I had an extremely traumatic birth (near death experience) and I was a mess for at least the first year of my daughters life. I had flashbacks, nightmares and panic attacks and diagnoses of PTSD. I'm now 1.5 years postpartum and I can genuinely say I am almost completely healed mentally. I rarely think about the birth, I no longer get triggered and I feel so much better. I also wanted kids close in age but I decided my mental health is important and I needed to be mentally OK before considering another pregnancy. Give yourself time. Time is the best healer. Hugs to you xx

I was automatically assigned to them due to my MH history however I think the GP can help ♥️