It was worse than I could possibly have imagined, I still find it hard to talk about..

[AnguaVonUberwald]

My childbirth experience was awful, really really bad. It was humiliating, and I now, honestly, feel like I understand how victims of torture feel.

I would have done anything to stop the pain, I said some things I still don't want to think about, and all this was on the maternity ward in front of 3 other women, their visitors and anyone passing.

I dilated 5cm in an hour without them noticing!

Do I just accept this, or what do I do now?

This will definitly affect our decision about whether to have more children, as I simply couldn't go through that again!

What have other people who have had traumatic births done, or do you just live with it?

Thank you all, I have contacted the hospital who have suggested I either talk to the consultant who was on duty that night or the manager of the ward, they are getting back to me with who is best.

Lulumama, thank you very much and I will be in touch!

Thank you all for sharing your stories, it has really helped affirm that I need to do something active about this, not just leave it and hope it goes away!

Angua this thread has bought tears to my eyes as I still quite traumatised by my labour (dd is 10 mo). But I don't know what to do about it. I don't feel up to facing it right now but I will have to before I do it again.

I still think about it I go through it in my head a lot. TBH I can't see a way to erase the memory and not sure what would help. The only thing that I think would help me is if someone could guarantee me that next would be the empowering, bonding and manageable experience it was promised to be (and wouldn't feel quite so yucky for want of a better word). Never gonna happen though.

I really hoep you feel better soon.

bumperlicious, sorry you are going through this too. i really can't emphasise enough how much my doula was able to build my confidence before my second birth. i ended up looking forward to it, where previously i had been sobbing uncontrolably at the thought. i take it you had a medically managed birth which is never gonna be great. with my second i still did have interventions but i was at the centre of all the decisions and it was sooooo much better. take care and congrats on you dd.

angua, that sounds a good plan. hope it helps and if it doesn'T lulu def will!

I had a terrible time when my DD entered this world. I thought I was dealing alright with it until I fell pregnant again and the nightmares started again.

Strangely the consultant at my local hospital was pushing me to choose an elective CS for my second baby, as a solution to my distress, when for me that was the worst possible outcome.

I still have days when I get very tearful and scared about this baby coming but on the whole I feel quite positive and I look forward to the new baby's arrival.

I am aiming for a home water birth, like I wanted last time But this time with a student doula in tow, who is fantastically supportive and wonderful.

I hope to avoid the medicalised hospital 'birth' with all the interventions etc that I ended up with last time and I hope with my doula and my supportive husband that things will be better this time...fingers crossed.

All the best with making the decisions about future children. I know I was very close to stopping at one child because of what happened to me.