In desperate need of advice-

[Babybarn]

Ok… I’ll keep this as short as possible!

My DD is 4 years old and I’m 35wks pregnant with DS. I’m currently crippled with anxiety related to the birth.

My first birth was (I’m ashamed to say) one of the worst days of my life. I knew I wanted epidural and delivery suite (high BMI and terrified of pain) but she turned and I needed forceps resulting in haemorrhage, a very long recovery, 7/8months of postnatal depression and a while in hospital… COVID19 definitely didn’t help. As pathetic as it sounds, the 42 days of dalteparin injection was also a daily reminder of what happened and I found it so difficult to recover.

This time round, I’m desperate for a better experience and my consultant has basically said there’s 3 options.

• Controlled induction (which means I can have early epidural, but I don’t know anyone with a good induction experience and I’m scared I’ll be away from my DD for a long time, midwives tell me about lack of endorphins and slow labouring)
• Natural labour (less likely to need 42 days of injections, but terrified of it being too quick to have pain relief and I struggle with the unpredictability or potential for a first birth repeat)
• Planned C-section (will need 42 days injection, complications possible with high BMI and long recovery - my husband can’t take paternity leave because we can’t afford it!)

I would LOVE to hear your story especially if it relates to any of the above. I struggle to talk to people about my experiences because it makes me so emotional and anxious. Any advice? Thanks so much for reading.

Have you considered contacting the Birth Trauma Association? They may have advice for you, from someone better qualified to offer it than other random mums on the internet.
However, as a random mum on the internet myself, I would say - be aware that induction may increase your risk of a c-section, check this with your midwife/consultant. Do you want to avoid a vaginal birth? Think about what elements of the birth you are most anxious about, and write it down so you can sort through what it is that you feel able to cope with, and which things you definitely want to avoid.
I personally wanted to avoid an instrumental delivery, and I had this in my birth plan. Would you feel able to manage a vaginal delivery if you could guarantee that you would not be given forceps again? Make sure your husband is well aware of your wishes and preferences and that he is willing and able to advocate for you on the day.
It is probably a bit late for you to try Hypnobirthing if you are already at 35 weeks, but I did find it very helpful. I was terrified of childbirth but found it manageable with the help of the Hypnobirthing techniques. I had a traumatic first birth (emergency section under general anaesthetic) but then had two further straightforward vaginal deliveries at home - so a first awful birth is not necessarily an indicator that this will be your experience each time. Every birth is different.
You could also try contacting the hospital for a birth debrief to find out more about what happened with your first birth, and what advice they might have about the likelihood of any of the issues that arose for you happening again. My midwife when I was expecting DC2 told me that 'baby-related' issues don't tend to recur, but 'mum-related' issues do. Baby turning sounds like it might have been a trigger for your interventions, maybe ask about this and find out whether that was in fact the trigger and whether it is likely to recur? It might be difficult to have these conversations, but the people at the Birth Trauma Association and (hopefully) a midwife or consultant conducting birth debriefs should be experienced in dealing with women in your position who may well be very upset when contacting them.

I had an induction and instrumental first birth and a light touch induction then non-instrumental second birth - your chances of a successful vaginal delivery are much higher after a vaginal first birth even if it was instrumental. I had the drip and epidural at same time first time around and birth itself was very easy but did need ventouse and had a haemorrhage. Second time birth started with a balloon and artificial water breaking and he arrived a few hours later with only a bit of gas and air. It was very healing, although I did cry a bit the first week as I felt so sorry for all of us that the first time was so shit!

It's a really tricky decision and only you can make it. I recommend an urgent birth reflections appointment if you can manage it. Do you have a mental health midwife at all?

I too would suggest talking to the Birth Trauma Association

I'm 3 weeks pp following a planned csection due to breech baby.

I'll be honest, the recovery isn't a walk in the park, especially if you're not going to have support at home if your partner isn't able to take paternity leave. Is he alternatively able to take annual leave so it's full pay for at least two weeks, or do you have a family member who could come and stay with you for a while to help out?
It's major surgery and with a newborn and 4 year old, doing that alone will be rough. Im 3 weeks pp and still very much recovering. While I am able to get up and out and do most things myself albeit a lot more carefully and slower, I couldn't have managed the last few weeks without my DH home and I have no other dependants bar our newborn.

This is just my experience, I have read of many women who've bounced back very very quickly, I naively read into them a lot and thought I'd be the same and was very disappointed and shocked when I wasn't. The pain was intense for that first week and I spent most of it bed bound, caring for baby from the bed while DH ran up and downstairs etc. I'm still in pain and discomfort now and still taking paracetamol and ibuprofen daily at 3 weeks pp and know I have a little way yet until I'm back to feeling 100%.
I also have to have the blood thinning injections although only for 10 days, and hated every day of it. But, knew the importance of them. As you've had them before you'll know they're not the most pleasant.

That's just my experience, of course if you're wanting a more controlled birthing experience then yes, a c section is a great option, you know when it's happening and within reason, what to expect, the c section itself was a positive experience mostly, very little blood loss, incision is healing well (no infection/openings/weeping) but I'd be worried about being discharged with no help at home while your recovering. (As you'll likely be home the following day) I was discharged 26 hours after having baby, with nothing but paracetamol and iburofen and only 2 hours sleep. I was beat. X

Can anyone help you if your DH can't take paternity? There's no way to get a baby out that doesn't involve some recovery!

Personally I'd go elective section for the control, but I've never had a natural delivery.

My births went 1) labour started naturally, epidural, long long labour + ventouse, 2) labour started naturally, much much shorter labour + ventouse (cord was round his neck and meconium in waters), no pain relief, 3) induction, precipitous labour (ramped up quickly after slow start) and birth in a couple of pushes, no pain relief. In other words, there's no real controlling what your experience will be. I wouldn't say I can 'recommend' induction exactly - I was overdue and fed up - but I can certainly provide a counter-example to what your MW says about slow labour (2cm-birth in 20 minutes in my case) - although if you definitely want an epidural that might indeed slow it down. I think - if you don't mind me saying so - you are seeing the potential for negative outcomes in every option, which is perhaps inevitable and sensible, but it seems to be paralying you with indecision. I think the induction seems a fair enough middle way, particularly as it's not your first so things may be faster overall anyway. Whatever you choose, I do hope it all goes well.

On the blood thinners, in my last pregnancy I was on Fragmin for almost a year (throughout pregnancy and for a few weeks post-birth). It's horrible but IIRC Fragmin is one of those that hurts less. Not sure if you can influence what you get prescribed?

I had a fairly crappy first birth - induction ending in emergency CS. Second time round, after much agonising, I decided I preferred the “known downsides” to a planned section rather than the potential unknown downsides to a vaginal delivery, unless I went into labour spontaneously (I refused to consent to a second induction). We booked a date for a section - and I didn’t go into labour so I had the section.

How much help will you be able to source in the first few weeks? And are school runs an issue and how do you normally do them? You might not be driving for 4-6 weeks after a section.

For me it was absolutely the right option to go for a section. Definitely have a look at the Birth Trauma Association Facebook page - they have a closed one where you can discuss birth trauma with other mums and I found that really helpful.

I had an ELCS and if my husband wasn't around for the 4 weeks he was I wouldn't have coped. No way.

Have you got family who can stay with you?

I second this. My husband has been home for a 3 weeks and goes back next Friday (3weeks post ELCS) so a month in total, and wouldn't have coped without him here in Those weeks. You really do need support, it's a major operation. Although they don't nessasarly treat it as such as your sent home so quickly after with minimal pain relief, but you'll certainly feel it and will need help with baby, toddler and to care for yourself to ensure you recover well and without complications. Otherwise, you could end up with a long line of post partum complications instead of birth ones. X

ORIGINAL POSTER:

I just wanted to reply to this thread because in my search for peace as a pregnant woman I ended up reading a lot of threads that never had an ending.

I ended up choosing to be induced a day before my due date. I was called in on time and met with very friendly nurses. I was not dilated enough to have my waters broken, so had the pessary inserted and very quickly felt contractions. They had to remove the pessary And I was transferred straight to the Delivery Suite with an epidural as I had requested within a few hours. At 11:39 pm on the same day of my induction I delivered a healthy baby boy. This labour and delivery was beautiful and totally the right decision for me. The midwives were phenomenal and I never in 1 million years thought I would be writing such a positive post birth story.

I really hope and pray that if you are reading this with anxiety for birth, you find comfort in my testimony, but mostly in the fact that you are amazing and will choose the right thing for you and your baby, no matter what!
It took a lot of therapy and reflection for me to figure that out. Xxx