Help! Crippled by birth anxiety.😟

[Babybarn]

Ok… I’ll keep this as short as possible!

My DD is 4 years old and I’m 33wks pregnant with DS. I’m currently crippled with anxiety related to the birth.

My first birth was (I’m ashamed to say) one of the worst days of my life. I knew I wanted epidural and delivery suite (high BMI and terrified of pain) but she turned and I needed forceps resulting in haemorrhage, a very long recovery, 7/8months of postnatal depression and a while in hospital… COVID19 definitely didn’t help. As pathetic as it sounds, the 42 days of dalteparin injection was also a daily reminder of what happened and I found it so difficult to recover.

This time round, I’m desperate for a better experience and my consultant has basically said there’s 3 options.

1. Controlled induction (which means I can have early epidural, but I don’t know anyone with a good induction experience and I’m scared I’ll be away from my DD for a long time)
2. Natural labour (less likely to need 42 days of injections, but terrified of it being too quick to have pain relief and I struggle with the unpredictability or potential for a first birth repeat)
3. Planned C-section (will need 42 days injection, complications possible with high BMI and long recovery - my husband can’t take paternity leave because we can’t afford it!)

I would LOVE to hear your story especially if it relates to any of the above. I struggle to talk to people about my experiences because it makes me so emotional and anxious. Any advice? Thanks so much for reading.

Two things helped me in a similar(ish) situation.

I had a birth notes session with my team where we went over exactly what happened with my first labour, why it didn't go to plan, and it helped fill in all the gaps and questions I still had which helped heal some of the trauma (but also revealed that both my baby and I had been far more sick in the first week after birth than I had previously realised or at least accepted).

I opted for induction at 39 weeks so I was fully in control of the process. I didn't want an epidural if I it could be avoided and managed to deliver my second with just six hours of active labour with G&A. It took 24 hours from pessary insertion to active labour and frankly it was a lovely rest: this was in 2020 and I'd been at locked home with a toddler and trying work for months.

It was a lovely experience and stopped all flashbacks from the first, which was a nice side effect.

There is no reason that your second birth will be like your first. Your docs are primed for issues this time so will be more closely supportive. Plus induction is much more effective in second labour than first - your body remembers. I didn't even need the drip this time (had to have it the first time to speed up 40 hour back to back labour)

So sorry to hear about your dilemma - it's an awful way to feel, and I do empathise I had a very traumatic and long birth, which was an induction for health reasons and then ending in an emergency c section and a lengthy hospital stay. It traumatised me for a long time, and still does many years later. We are ttc and I'm already fearful of the birth.....
Have you spoken in depth to your midwife about how you feel? Have they/can they offer counselling asap to help you manage your fears and feelings? I've recently been referred to a specialist midwife counsellor at my hospital after a miscarriage, which unearthed deeper feelings and trauma from before. I'm hoping this helps for me, and perhaps it might help you?
Sorry, no practical advice for your choices - but a gentle hug and the above idea!

@LostittoBostik
This is seriously so helpful. Thanks so much for sharing. Yours is the first positive induction I've heard of. It has made it seem like more of an option. Having a toddler at home definitely adds another layer of complexity!

Was your birth partner with you throughout the induction?

So I suffered with major organ failure with my first and soent over a year in hospital with 4 months in ICU. I had injections every day for 3 years after…

I had another child which sadly ended up with a bleed on the brain but I had a high risk dr and I ended up having a planned c section…could t of wished for a bettteer birth experience.

@CustardCream31 thanks so much for your reply and kindness.Birth trauma is seriously horrible and I know so many women who have it! So sorry to hear you had a difficult time too. I hope that your next birth journey helps with healing.❤️‍🩹

I've never seen the same midwife twice but have been to a couple of counselling sessions with more planned for January. I'm really hoping it helps.

I also did this thing Called something like angel wings? Which is something l where they explain everything that happened before

@Cerealkiller4U
Oh my goodness. I am so sorry to hear how difficult your experience was.
Thanks for sharing about the planned C-section. I have heard lots of good things about them

I don't have any more specific advice but just wanted to add another positive induction story. I was induced with first baby at 39w due to concerns about growth, the whole thing was much faster than anticipated especially for a first (they told me 2-5 days) and I was holding her less than 9 hours after they put the first pessary in at which point I was not dilated at all. So it was an intense day but a good experience overall.

I wanted to say beforehand that this isn't meant to scare or make you imagine anything like this similar could happen, but I wanted to share what happened and my reflections.

I went into labour naturally and up until then I had a very good easy going pregnancy with no health issues or complications. However after 8 hours I had not progressed as well as they'd hoped. They then identified some kind of infection that was highlighted once I had an epidural and in order to save both our lives. They gave me an emergency c-section.

Over 3 weeks later and discussing my experience with other mothers who went through something similar as well as other friends and family members, here is what I have taken from this.

No matter how much you plan beforehand, anything can happen and whatever happens, don't allow the plan to dictate what's best for the sake of your health and the babies. Even though in the moment I was devastated that I would have to have a C-section, I knew that despite planning to give birth vaginally. This was a life or death situation for the both of us.

Now if I had the gift of foresight to know what would have happened. I would have elected for a planned c-section and be on the anti biotics I needed beforehand to fight the infection (later on I found out if was strep b).

Funnily enough I've been hearing more and more about how people are opting for C-section considering them to be safer than giving birth vaginally.

But honestly I would plan your birth how you would wish it to happen, but always keep your options open for a series of scenarios so you don't end up mourning after the birth you wanted to the birth you actually ended up having.

All I can say is my little girl was born and showed no signs of infection and has thrived. I'm still healing but I am out of the clear and have a very minimal scar that you can hardly see.

First births are usually long and difficult , second births are often much easier. For my first I had an epidural eventually after a lot of pain then retained placenta afterwards. Complications. Second birth two hours..yes it hurts but gas and air was great. Good luck.

If your husband can’t take 2 weeks off then I wouldn’t have a c section ideally

Paternity leave - this should be 2 weeks at 90% pay, statutory, why is it you can’t afford it? Sorry if I’m being dumb!!

I would go c section, but then I’ve had one planned one and it was great and about to have another. Just to reduce the risk of baby getting into distress and eliminate the risk of tearing etc.

ORIGINAL POSTER:

I just wanted to reply to this thread because in my search for peace as a pregnant woman I ended up reading a lot of threads that never had an ending.

I ended up choosing to be induced a day before my due date. I was called in on time and met with very friendly nurses. I was not dilated enough to have my waters broken, so had the pessary inserted and very quickly felt contractions. They had to remove the pessary And I was transferred straight to the Delivery Suite with an epidural as I had requested within a few hours. At 11:39 pm on the same day of my induction I delivered a healthy baby boy. This labour and delivery was beautiful and totally the right decision for me. The midwives were phenomenal and I never in 1 million years thought I would be writing such a positive post birth story.

I really hope and pray that if you are reading this with anxiety for birth, you find comfort in my testimony, but mostly in the fact that you are amazing and will choose the right thing for you and your baby, no matter what!
It took a lot of therapy and reflection for me to figure that out. Xx

Huge congratulations @Babybarn - so pleased for you 🥰 and grateful for your update!