Keep waking up at night worrying about giving birth. Has anyone else had this problem? What have you done to overcome worry?

[AmberPoet]

The past 2 nights I have woken up with so much anxiety about giving birth. It's something that I haven't been too worried about up until now, concentrating on other worries such as money, relationships, family dynamics and boundaries (why is there so much worry with your 1st child?)
I don't know whether I have heard so many traumatic birth stories recently I am starting to realise the enormity of what my body is going to go through? Perhaps because I'm currently not 100% (cold and sickness) I'm feeling more mentally vulnerable? I have started yoga and hypnobirthing classes to get more into the mental zone. Any words of wisdom or personal experiences that can help me prepare for what's to come?
It doesn't help that I'm a natural worrier and have been diagnosed with anxiety in the past.

I agree with this. I think trauma comes from thinking you'll be fine with life-changing amounts of pain. Yes, some women are fine - but also not everyone experiences the same level of pain in labour. There's even such a thing as "silent labour" where women have labour contractions with zero pain or awareness. Everyone is different and imo you should plan for pain relief (and if you don't need it, opt out when the time comes). Not planning for pain relief and then not being able to get it last minute is what leads to trauma imo

Women are all too ready to tell horror stories. And then, there are women like me, who has always been reluctant to tell my birth stories in RL for fear of upsetting women that had a hard time.

I had incredibly easy, drug free labours. I felt fantastic afterwards.

A c-section is major surgery that you’d need to be really sure you wanted.

Everyone's story is different, so don't let anyone scare you. Some people seem to revel in it!
As you've asked for advice, mine would be:

1. Try and give birth in a labour ward, rather than a midwife -led unit.
2. Be open to epidural/remyphentoline: whatever works for you.
3. Don't make a detailed birth plan. Or do if you want, but trust your doctor.

I'm sure all will go really well. Congratulations on your imminent arrival!

Agree with PP I wouldn’t recommend a c section under you’re certain you absolutely can’t go ahead with vaginal (I had 2 emergency c sections). I wouldn’t have chosen either of them. I had an infection in scar second time and have adhesions. It also can limit the amount of children you can have. Just worth bearing in mind

Ah, OP, I'd say this is a totally normal worry that many women go through. I think, really, what's "useful" to know for one person will be the complete opposite for another... with that in mind, I'll share the things that I think could be helpful:

1. Try to keep an open mind and be as adaptable as you can when the time comes - it's OK to have birth preferences such as "I'd like an unmedicated birth", but be fully open and welcoming to the idea of accepting pain relief, should you need it. And remember, nobody gets a gold star for doing it without. The main goal is to ensure baby arrives safely with as little physical/emotional trauma to mum as possible.

1. Childbirth can take a lot of mental resilience and preparedness. Being mindful of how you talk about and frame things is a really useful way to prepare yourself mentally. For example, it's OK to acknowledge the reality that, for many women, it can be an incredibly painful experience, but try to frame it positively in a way that works for you, e.g., that the pain is productive and every contraction is one less that I have to go through / one closer to meeting my baby, or reassuring yourself that you are open to pain relief if it allows you to experience birth more positively.

1. Knowledge is power - with my first birth, I didn't know as much as I do now about all the phases of labour. Transition, in particular - I found that bit pretty tough, but knowing as much as I do about it now, I feel far better prepared to cope with it for #2. I also didn't know that some women do not get that unmistakable urge to push - I didn't at any point experience it, and subsequently endured a very long pushing phase, eventually resulting in a "compound" delivery (son came out with his hand on his face). What I also didn't know was that, assuming there aren't any concerns, you don't immediately have to start pushing once you're fully dilated (unless, of course, you do experience the urge). Those points are, of course, unique to my own personal experience but illustrate the point - essentially, I think arming yourself with as much knowledge as possible puts you in a far better position to advocate for yourself.

You've got this. However it all pans out, you've got this. It's OK to be scared, but try to remind yourself of the fact that there is so much in life that is out of our control. So, while we might not be able to control everything that comes our way, we can do our best to control how we respond to those situations. And that's where the mental prep comes in - stay mindful of how you talk to yourself and others about it. If you catch yourself in a negative thought spiral, take a step back and look at how you can reframe it. E.g., your first thought might be, "I'm not very good with pain. I don't think I'm going to cope very well...", but a more positive take on it might be, "I'm not sure how well I'll be able to tolerate the pain, so I will allow my body to guide any decisions I make about pain relief to ensure I can have the most positive birth experience possible."

Thinking of you and wishing you the best, OP! X

When vaginal births go well, they are a dream. When they go wrong, they fuck you up for life.
Once you start looking at the statistics, it’s shocking.

A planned c-section is also very very different to an emergency c-section.

It is so normal to be scared OP. In fact, I’d be quite surprised if I met a pregnant woman who wasn’t a bit scared or giving birth!

I’ve got two DC. One born at 42 weeks naturally and one at 39 weeks via ELCS (ELCS was due to baby’s size rather than traumatic first birth). Two incredibly different birth experiences and both of which I cried myself to sleep over in the weeks and months leading up to them. What I will say is that you are so much stronger, mentally and physically, than you think you are.

Some things that helped me:

• hypnobirthing for DC1 was such a huge help in the early stages of labour. Think of it as training yourself ahead of the birth rather than relying on it to calm all your fears beforehand. What you are doing is training your brain to keep calm and look at birth in a non-fearful way. I can’t tell you how much it helped keep me in a good headspace when contractions started. I didn’t have as much time second time around but I listened to a special c-section hypnobirth audio when I arrived at the hospital to have DC2 and it was a huge help.

• Listening to podcasts. I found some funny/interesting podcasts to listen to when my brain was going to all sorts of scary places. I remember listening to a film review podcast (Mark Kermode) when my very early contractions started in the middle of the night with DC1!

• Write a birth plan. Not everyone likes to do this but I actually found it good to confront the fact that I would indeed need to give birth and it gave me space to think about what my ideal birth choices would be. Yes it doesn’t always go to plan but it helps you to advocate for yourself (and your birth partner too) once active labour begins.

I completely avoided any negative/traumatic birth stories, just didn't read any at all. I started a hypnobirthing course but to be honest I didn't do much, but this might be helpful, when you wake up in the night worrying to channel it into something positive.

I gave birth in October and it isn't fun, but despite having no pain relief at all it is bearable. I had an episiotomy and didn't feel it, I've heard the same with a tear, that you won't feel it at the time. I also had a ventouse delivery and didn't feel that at all. I barely felt being stitched up to be honest and still had no pain relief. I don't have some mega pain tolerance, I just tried to stay as calm as I possibly could. My recovery was absolutely fine and textbook. Just reassuring you that even if you tear, have an instrumental delivery etc, it doesn't necessarily mean it'll be awful. The staff are incredible, I delivered in theatre with a lot of people and honestly, they are amazing and do everything to soothe you and take care of you.

I really recommend a tens machine, an exercise ball and breathing - 4 in through your nose and 7 out through your mouth. Sounds simple but it got me to 6cms happily eating a mcdonalds and bouncing/breathing. I was the same as another poster, I dreaded it so much and built it up so much that I honestly expected more, I expected to not be able to cope but really, you do just cope!

It's also worth knowing that you'll have a moment of thinking/saying "i can't do this" during transition, that usually means you're ready to push. So if you have that moment, it's almost over and you can do it, you already have.

Good luck! You can and will do it x

I had similar issues. I found the hypnobirthing really really useful both before and during!

You are right about needing the positive mindset. This process will not be in your control the whole time - there came a point with both my births where I needed to get out my thinking head and work with my body’s processes. Having done my prep so I knew what my uterus was doing really helped. Birthing partner needs to know this stuff too!

C section is a major operation - I wouldn’t opt for that unless you have to.

Consider reaching out (maybe on MN?) for some positive birth stories (people love to share horror ones I find!)

I had both my babies at home through choice as we lived close to hospital if anything went wrong. Birthing pool in the living room! Absolutely great experiences and I was really scared with the first one. I really did not want to be in hospital but that’s not everyone’s thing. Be positive and flexible. I hope it all goes really well for you!!

What makes you think you don’t have a choice when it comes to a c section? Every woman has the right to a c section in the uk - they can’t refuse you.

I’ve always known vaginal birth wasn’t for me, fear of tearing/long term issues like incontinence and prolapse/baby getting into distress or lack of oxygen was too scary for me.

a planned c section was incredibly calm and safe IME and I am doing it again soon. I am still nervous but for me vaginal birth is scarier. Everyone is different though so you must do what’s right for you, it’s fantastic to see so many positive vaginal birth stories on this thread.

m good luck whatever you choose x

OP, I don't know if this is helpful but - medically speaking - a planned C-section is the safest option if you want one child. Very unlikely to be any issues.

HOWEVER if you have multiple C-sections, there's a much bigger risk of severe complications. I knew someone who was scared of vaginal childbirth and insisted on having C-sections. The first went like a dream, the second she hemorrhaged, went in intensive care for weeks and nearly died. It sounded so traumatic.

By comparison if you have a vaginal birth first time round, the chance of having a vaginal birth with no complications is over 90% for your next birth. So I was told that medically speaking if you want more than one baby then vaginal births are safer.

If you just want one baby, or just want one C-section (ie it's your last pregnancy) then C-sections are safer

Totally normal to worry about it, it's something new that you've never done before and you don't know what to expect. I recommend Gentlebirth App, you could try putting on during the night when you wake and try falling back to sleep to it, that way your body will associate it with relaxation and it might help you on the day. Lots of people have really happy positive birth experiences, sometimes it's hard to avoid the horror stories but there are just as many good ones out there. My advice would be use whatever pain management makes it a positive happy day for you.

Another idea, when you wake in the night, write down the things you are most excited and happy about in a journal or on your phone. Things you are looking forward to doing with your baby etc.

There’s a lot of misinformation from posters here, and anecdote is never a good source.

Let your midwife know about this sleep disturbance. Most trusts now have pathways for tokophobia (fear of childbirth), which typically involves discussion with a specialist midwife about your options and tools to build confidence (if you were to decide on vaginal birth).

Steer clear of anyone - MN, family or friend, who tells you what you should do. Only you can make that decision with the best evidence available and your own personal risk assessment. There is no right answer.

Defo talk to your midwife - because she will be able to reassure you and answer any questions about hospital policy, emergencies, etc. But she can also screen you for antenatal anxiety which is not unusual and is not something you just have to struggle through.

@MsCactus its perfectly fine to have more than one c section. The nhs says you can safely have 3. Im sorry about what happened to your friend but that sounds like quite an extreme case.

I am due my second c section in a few days so will report back! But from scans they can already see that my placenta is not near my scar, so there shouldn’t be any issues at all with this second one and it should go as smoothly as the first, albeit take a bit longer due to scar tissue.

i only want two children so two c sections is fine for me. But unless something goes terribly wrong (very unlikely with a planned one) I could have a third via c section.

there is more chance of complications for baby with a vaginal birth - eg distress, lack of oxygen etc. this is mentioned in a lot of nhs literature online. A maternal request elective c section (no elevated risk factors or medical indications for needing a c section) is actually statistically the safest way to give birth for both mum and baby.

Peonyyyy
Lucky you.I am full of envy of you.
Both of my two now adult children had to be delivered by very emergency c sections when things went very wrong in labour.
55 and 52 years ago you were not allowed any choice at all.The memories are still with me
Thank goodness for change!