Keep waking up at night worrying about giving birth. Has anyone else had this problem? What have you done to overcome worry?

[AmberPoet]

The past 2 nights I have woken up with so much anxiety about giving birth. It's something that I haven't been too worried about up until now, concentrating on other worries such as money, relationships, family dynamics and boundaries (why is there so much worry with your 1st child?)
I don't know whether I have heard so many traumatic birth stories recently I am starting to realise the enormity of what my body is going to go through? Perhaps because I'm currently not 100% (cold and sickness) I'm feeling more mentally vulnerable? I have started yoga and hypnobirthing classes to get more into the mental zone. Any words of wisdom or personal experiences that can help me prepare for what's to come?
It doesn't help that I'm a natural worrier and have been diagnosed with anxiety in the past.

What in particular are you worried about?

A traumatic birth experience, tearing, damage and recovery. I was always so worried about a cesarian birth, but a planned one sounds more and more appealing. But I know I don't have much of a choice.. perhaps it's fear of the unknown?

I’m sleeping terribly at the moment - pregnant with third child. I think it’s a combo of having a cold, needing a wee and feeling thirsty and general anxiety and insomnia from pregnancy. My mind latches on to any thoughts - not particular worries it just makes me awake. I’m not worried about birth just terrible sleeping

For me yoga and hypnobirthing was of limited comfort. What really helped was talking to the midwife and obstetrician about my options. E.g. being able to have an epidural. You're not on your own with just deep breaths and positive thinking - you can talk about your concerns to medical staff and see what practical information and support they can give you. It was fine in the end, because I felt supported in hospital by modern medicine.

Most women who give birth vaginally do tear to some extent. I had a second degree tear and the stitches were a bit sore for a few weeks but there has been no lasting damage. I definitely felt in better shape after my VBAC than I did after my C-section.

I guess an elective C-section eliminates the risk of having a very traumatic vaginal birth with severe tearing, so if you are overwhelmingly afraid of that happening, an elective C-section might be the right choice for you. But then it does mean you definitely won't have a straightforward vaginal birth, which IMO is the easiest kind of birth to recover from.

If you are afraid of labour pain then you can make an epidural part of your birth plan. If you are going to have an epidural I'd recommend doing it once you're in active labour so you get the benefit of it for longer, rather than waiting until you're much further along and either being too late for it or just so exhausted that you've already had a bad time of it.

Awful. I've been worried about various things throughout this pregnancy. It's like my mind will not give it a break.. I will take some comfort from this being your 3rd child and you are not worried about childbirth. I hope it all goes well and the worries fade away for you soon

Look into having a c section?
When I have children I’m requesting a c section. No chance I’m having a vaginal birth after hearing all the horror stories of life long disabilities due to vaginal birth.

I can't help with the phobia, but I just want to add some positivity.

My labour experience with my DD was absolutely fine. It did hurt (but I didn't get any pain relief for reasons I won't go into) and I did tear but I didn't feel that, and it healed absolutely fine. I left the hospital feeling like I'd got away with something. I wasn't expecting it to be so "textbook".

I think we're drawn to more traumatic stories, but there are so many positive ones. I look back on it so sentimentally. I'm pregnant again and not worried at all about labour, if anything, I'm excited because it's how I'll get to meet my DS.

If you're concerned about the pain, make it clear you'll be after an epidural on arrival. I was advised that if I knew I was going to want an epidural, to ask for it straight away. There's no point waiting!

there are risks with childbirth but I’ve not worried about it unnecessarily any of the times and I had 2 complicated births so far.

if I were you I would really focus on all the good stories - have you read The Postive Birth Book by Milli Hill? That helped me get really really excited the first time around s

May be no help to you at all, but when I had my first and had no real idea what to expect I kept telling myself that it couldn’t be so bad as lots went on to have more than one child. I was definitely prepared for pain, which I honestly didn’t find too bad - it was the effort required to push that surprised me

I was absolutely petrified just before my first birth. The length, the pain and discomfort. There were points i couldn't mentally cope with the thought of going into labour. However it was so so much easier, quicker and less painful than I expected, so many horror stories that we forget that the vast majority go smoothly and easily

I was terrified with all three of my births! An early epidural is your friend. Painless, lovely, relaxed experience. But early. Not as a last resort. That’s where the horror stories live - in women who thought they’d wing it and then run out of options when it gets too much.

I really recommend Milli Hill's books, but they are quite biased towards unmedicated labour.

Taking the useful parts of Milli's books but also getting a nice epidural was a great option for me.

One thing that weirdly helped quite a lot from reading those books and doing the PBC video course was the realisation that you don't really have to do anything when you're in labour other than manage your pain in whatever way feels best to you, and then push right at the end.

That said, if contractions slow down I do find that a nice brisk walk tends to get them going again.

I agree with this. In the UK there's a lot of scaremongering about epidurals leading to other interventions but correlation doesn't equal causation. I think it's just that in the UK women don't tend to get an epidural unless they're being induced or they've been in labour for a long time and are already knackered. I don't know anyone who has had a traumatic birth after getting an early epidural just for effective pain relief.

Really you think so?

I didn’t think so at the time but maybe I shall reread. I remember a good chapter on caesareans

Maybe I'm doing her a disservice and I should have a look at the book again. But since I'm not planning on giving birth again I might not find the time!

I found hypnobirthing classes helpful to help me prepare. I had 2 relatively positive experiences, both with gas and air for pain relief. The pain is like a really severe period pain/cramping, but it comes in waves and then you get a little break again, so it's not constant. I remember being really scared about it before having my first baby, but your body will surprise you.

Don’t read about traumatic births it’s literally the worst thing you can do. Look up positive birth stories and perhaps have a look at hypnobirthing.

Also…don’t be afraid to take the drugs if you need them!! Remember, It’s not a competition on who can deal with the most pain drug free

I was quite worried for a while before having my baby as the due date became nearer. I think its the fear of the unknown.
For me, I read one of those hypnobirthing courses which I found helpful to read back through, to remind myself of the general process of labour.
But I also read up extensively on all the what ifs, especially the bad ones, so I knew what could happen and what the medical options are if things happen at different stages.
The statistics also comforted me greatly, but I like numbers so that's not a big surprise. Anecdotal stories move me less.

It depends what is going to comfort you! I spiral with the unknown so I need as much information as possible to rationalise.
My first didn't go to plan at all and lots of things happened that I didn't want but it wasn't traumatic and I'd go through it again (pregnant with my second so will be at some point!) happily as there was no bad outcome after the fact, its just intense to go through at the time.

Normal to be anxious about it OP, it’s a big unknown isn’t it? To add to the positive stories, for me 2 vaginal births, no tearing, no interventions needed. I know I’m lucky but it can happen ☺️

I remember being anxious about it but to be honest, by the end I just wanted baby out and when it all kicked off I just went with it hour by hour - your body will just go with it and/or you’ll have people around you that know what they’re doing and can help look after you both.

I can remember feeling like this OP, totally natural to fear the unknown.

I can only speak of my experience, I was imagining something so horrendous I was pleasantly surprised when the time came, wasn’t as bad as I imagined.

Every birth is different, I have had two children, my second labour was different again, but again manageable. I didn’t have any pain relief except for a tens machine.

Wishing you all the very best OP, don’t listen to scare stories.

That worry resolved itself. By 40 weeks, I was so desperate to deliver ds, that they could have installed a zip and removed him that way. I was past caring.

It’s natural to be scared.

If it helps, I would love to experience giving birth again. It was the most empowering and incredible thing I’ve ever done. I was absolutely euphoric afterwards. I was so blimmin thrilled with myself each time, I wanted to talk about it and how amazing women are, constantly. I didn’t do that for fear of driving everyone insane.

I’d try to view it as something to look forward to rather than be fearful of.

Can you request an elected c-section? I wanted the hypno birthing water birth stuff but instead had an emergency c-section and honestly I was secretly so relieved. A c-section is such a nice, easy, civilised way to have a baby, the pain killers take away all the pain ( too much really , its easier to overdo things as you feel so great), and recovery is fine.

I gave birth vaginally with an epidural. I wouldn't want to do birth without an epidural, as the pain was intense and I had to make a BIG fuss to get one.

But once I had pain relief birth was fine, my vagina healed and is the same tightness etc as pre pregnancy. I'm pregnant with my second and not worried at all.

I'd definitely recommend planning for an epidural tho, and be prepared to argue for one if you're in the NHS - some women get trauma from the pain alone, so good to be prepared to need pain relief.