How can I be the best dad during twins pregnancy/labour?

[familyhappyman]

Hello, my wife is currently at 32 weeks with twins. We previously had a textbook homebirth with DS but due to the nature of twins we are being pushed into a hospital ward for the next additions (we're at peace with that).

I wondered if i could have your advice on things i can do to make everything as comfortable as possible for my DW. Any tips for things like "backrubs/ snacks/ items/ clothing" etc, but also anything that you think might help, or things that helped you. (tips for DS would also be much appreciated!)

Thanks for reading, just trying to be the best husband for my wife, and this is my favourite website for news & information.😊

Being twins there's a very high probability of needing a c section so I would not be overly concerned about the delivery part, you need however to get thinking about managing the home front before and after because she'll be recovering from surgery with twins and a toddler!

Getting ahead batch cooking, giving her as much break as you can manage through the final few weeks then take the birth situation as it comes, it will be what it is and just listen to her

just be awake and alert and ready to do exactly what she needs when she asks as soon as she asks no matter how rude it might sound at the time. she will appreciate you for life

I would have murdered DH if he'd tried to backrub me. Yuck. Just wanted everything off me.
Being a good advocate is the best thing. Recognising when medical staff are talking over your DW and not including her, making sure she has all the information she needs to make decisions about her own body. Making sure she is informed and feels heard.

Take a battery fan for her. Labour wards are insanely hot places.

Make sure she gets plenty to eat in early labour as they’ll stop her from eating at a certain point before surgery / epidural.

There can be a lot of waiting about, make up a playlist of her favourite songs. Pack a book or deck of cards to help distract her.

Offer LOTS of drinks. Dehydrated mama is not good! If your wife doesn’t already have a favourite one, maybe treat her to a new insulated cup.

For after the birth, I have never appreciated a brand new nursing bra and nightshirt more than after my shower. Felt so much fresher, even though I’d been in labour for 24+ hours. Also make sure to pack her favourite skincare (face and body) too. You could offer to rub lotion into her lower legs / feet, if that’s something she’d usually like.

At home - all the nappy changes, have nutritious snacks to hand. Do all the childcare for older DC1. Probably will have lots of washing for bubs!!

at hospital do the nappies and clothes and mainly just be really emotionally present

Honestly I'd probably just talk directly to your wife. It's such an individual thing. A poster on this thread said she hates back rubs but they helped me so much with my contractions and when dh didn't do it hard enough I yelled at him like a mad woman!

Don't talk 😂

Joking.

It's a very personal thing, I'd just ask her what support she wants from you beforehand and take note!

Good luck!

Have a conversation before she is in hospital about how she would like you to be. Will she want to be able to ask you for what she needs rather than you keeping offering, which might end up as irritating hovering. Don't be surprised if she is snappy, short tempered and irritable. Or that what she says she wants, turns out not to be. Be willing to go with the flow, adapt to her needs as they arise. And have a bottomless well of patience, because however tired you might be, she will be more so.

These are all really helpful tips, thanks so much! definitely didn't think of this so will be sure to ask her.

She has a new insulated cup for Christmas (or earlier) and already bought her a mini fan. I was looking at different brands for nursing clothes, but that is a whole minefield that i don't have a clue about. Does anyone have any recommended brands? She's a taller lady at 6'1", size 10.

Once again, thank you for any advice, i really appreciate it.

Feed her! I had twins and husband wasn't allowed to stay in hospital with us after birth. We were in hospital for 2 weeks and I never got to eat as it was always time to change nappies or feed them. So I would say feed her at every opportunity!!

And if she wants to breast feed, get her a twin breast feeding cushion. Makes it so much easier to feed them at the same time xx

Just ask her. Women aren’t a homogeneous group and you sound like a caring man, so I think you have a good idea of what she would like, especially as you’ve had a baby already. I don’t mean this to come across as being rude, but I would hate some of the suggestions others have made and love others. It’s so individual. Communication is the best gift you can give.

Thanks for the thoughts. A lot of this stuff i have already talked through with her. It's more about the little extras that will make her feel good. I dunno, maybe some kind of miracle pain relief chocolate etc that she wouldn't have known about, or if she's in recovery for 3-4 days, things i could do/ bring that would make her stay more special. Just really looking for ways i can go above and beyond so all/ any ideas and tips are 100% appreciated.

Reading that other thread about that cheating dh makes me really angry, (definitely the sleazy guy from The Holiday) anyway, just trying to balance the scales a bit for mankind🤓Thanks for your time.

For brands of nursing clothes, if she might be breastfeeding two at the same time, I had some from Juno Jacks that had a zip both sides. Very expensive new but are often on Vinted second hand? I also had some with both sides access from JoJo maman, again pricey new unfortunately. I had some from Sainsbury's Tu that worked fine for one but only had access for one side at a time.

I hope you mean the recovery post partum ward for 3-4 days. Because actual recovery is 6+ months. This is major physical trauma territory.

Like others said being able to advocate her during labour. Understand what she wants and then make sure medical staff understand. I wish my DP had better understood the different pain relief and medical interventions and been able to articulate what I did or didn't want when I was in too much pain or too tired.

Practice getting the car seats in the car. We were stood in the car park for a long time not being able to get them in.

Take as much paternity or other leave as you can. And plan to take some more leave in the first few weeks/months.

Take over everything that isn't baby/child related for the first few months. Do the food shopping, cleaning, washing, cooking, bills, MOT. Remember it's a marathon not a sprint - and labour is just the start of it - especially with twins!!!

Good luck.

I plan to be on hand as much as physically possible 🤓