Birth Partner Tips

[YourCraftyRedFatball]

Hey all,

First post so pls be gentle with me and I apologise for not knowing all the acronyms.

Our 2nd baby is due any minute (28th Nov officially) but it’s the first time we’re hoping to go through Labour as our first born was delivered by planned caesarean.

i am really keen to try and get this right and not just be a useless, nightmare birth partner who doesn’t help and actually makes things worse.

I am doing my own research, but would also be grateful for any tips or advice on what you’d find useful from a birth partner? Even the littlest of things?

thank you all in advance!

Don’t complain about being hungry, bored or tired, even if you are. Offer food and drink regularly, in the early stages offer distraction and when it gets really intense enter her world, whisper encouragement and hold her if that’s what she wants.
In a way you can’t win, there will be times she doesn’t know what to do with herself and she’ll take it out on you. Take it with good grace.

That's so nice that you're planning this to ensure you're going to be a good birth partner! I can tell you it will make the world of difference, my partner was bloody amazing so I'm just going to tell you the things he did which I really appreciated:

Stayed super calm throughout, smiled and told me how well I was doing, just held my hand, stroked my hair, just generally kept me on an even keel!
Was super supportive the whole way through, for example when I unexpectedly decided I wanted the epidural, he got right onto organising it for me with the doctors because I was in too much pain to talk!
Listened intently to all the conversation between staff so he knew exactly what was going on, and this was particularly helpful when one member of staff related the wrong information to another and he was able to correct them!
Constantly nipped down to the cafe to get me whichever snack I felt like in that moment
Kept in touch with my family for me and kept them in the loop so I didn't have to
Didn't complain once, kept positive and calm throughout all 23 hours of my labour!
Text me the when he returned home (our baby was born at 10pm and I had to stay in hospital without him overnight), to say that I was his hero and how proud he was of me

We have our second due next July and it's such a comfort knowing what I can expect from him after the first time!

I had my daughter 6 months ago and my husband really was an amazing support for me. Some of the things we (he) did that I’d say were most helpful:

• We discussed my preferences beforehand for things like pain relief, movement during labour, how I felt about certain monitoring and checks etc. This was really good because it meant he could then advocate for me when I was actually in the thick of it and having contractions. It took the pressure off me massively to know he was able to communicate those things for me if I wasn’t able to.
• Having been together for a long time so knowing each other very well and also from chats we had pre-labour about what I thought might help, he was pro-active about helping keep me as comfortable as possible rather than asking me 100 questions about what I wanted, he just sort of “knew”. Whether that was my back rubbed, support standing so I could stay on my feet, encouraging me to eat and drink, keeping me distracted during early stages etc
• Practical things: holding my fan in front of me for basically my whole induction & labour, rubbing my back, constantly giving me water & snacks that I could manage, never once complained even though I know he absolutely must have been exhausted himself as we had both been up for 24+ hours by this point.
• Make sure you know where everything is so you don’t have to ask her. Again my husband did this, he actually packed our hospital bags, mine & babies as well as our joint bag which had toiletries, snacks, drinks, chargers etc in so he knew where everything was and didn’t have to faff about hunting through bags or asking me when I had other things to focus on.

Essentially discuss everything you can beforehand so that you know what her preferences are, how she feels about things, what she wants and doesn’t want and just try your best. Good luck! X

This is such a lovely thread!

Don't be frustrated or feel left out if you're partner doesn't want you to speak / touch her in active labor. I thought I would want words of encouragement & back rubs when in reality it was very over stimulating so I wanted him there but silent. You'll probably get snapped at at least once so take it in good grace as a PP said.

Familiarize yourself with their birth plan & advocate for it with medical teams.

If interventions are suggested ask why, what are the benefits, risks and alternatives, because it can be hard to speak up when you're in labour.

Know where everything is in the labour bag, and have the fan / water ready.

Don't comment on any body fluids you might see. 😅

Ask beforehand how regularly they want you to update family / friends and do that. Don't send pictures without checking first.

Take pictures & video throughout the labour and delivery. Delete any particularly unflattering ones before they see them. Live photos are better.

Have your own bag / snacks ready so you're ready to support and don't have to nip out for clean clothes or food.

Practice providing counter pressure on the hips if that's something your partner wants, before the actual birth.