Baby being used

[GreatHiker]

Since my son was born, my family are interested in how he will benefit them and their own needs. My mum thinks it will help my sister in her relationships to settle down and have a baby, and maybe stop being gay. And my son will help my addict brother snap out of his drug problem. The second day I was with my son they couldn't help but tell me all their horrible drama. They burst my baby bubble on day 2! I just want people to stop using my son for their own needs. I'm really disappointed in how selfish my family are. They r ruining this for me. I went through IVF and this has been so difficult. What do I do?

How have they said the baby will stop your sister being gay and your brother being a drug addict?

Can't you speak up for yourself and tell them to shut up and or go away if they say things that upset you?

You have a child now and you need to be assertive.

Sorry you're feeling this way OP.

Post pregnancy hormones can be wild, it's not unusual to feel tearful and extra sensitive.... and also pretty intolerant in my experience!

Families can be hard work at the best of times and there's invariably some drama going on at any given time but what you've described sounds pretty normal unless I'm missing something? Babies are often seen (rightly or wrongly) as a blessing that will bring families closer together and solve everything.

I rolled my eyes at your parents thinking your baby will 'stop your sister being gay', good grief....and solving all your brothers addiction problems?.....yes, because that's a well known cure isn't it? 🙈
Aren't parents a delight!
Are yours from a different culture by any chance? Or older?

Maybe you just need to make some excuses for a few days to have some space for your own little bubble

If you can spend your time away from them for a bit - one of my sister's clearly used my baby son as a prop to prove to her boyfriend she was wife material (showing little interest in him at other times) and it drove me nuts but it can just be ignored as well if you have enough space for yourself.

All you can do is speak up for yourself and your child and set boundaries where you feel they are needed OP. I was in exactly the same situation, BIL is battling with addiction and has been for years, when I was pregnant ALL I heard from MIL was how my baby was going to turn things around for him, give him a reason to get better, he’d want to get clean to be involved in his niece’s life etc. Well my daughter is 6 months old now, he’s absolutely not allowed to see or be anywhere near her, and he’s still an addict. I was very VERY clear that my baby wasn’t his cure and that for as long as he’s actively taking drugs and drinking he will never be anywhere near her. Lots of pushback from MIL but it was a hard no from me, and it hasn’t mattered one bit anyway because actually he’s not the slightest bit bothered about her, doesn’t ask to see her or ask about her anyway!

You have to make choices for yourself and for your child, stand up for yourself where you feel you need to.

Thanks for the reply. I suppose they think that the baby will wake someone up from their life choices that they don't agree with. It just seems like it's all about other people when they visit. They are elderly and have very different views to me but I just didn't think they would be as bad as they have been and it was a bit of a shock.

I can relate to that. I just didn't think my own family would do it. It's hard to ignore but glad that I'm not the only new mum thinking people can do annoying things once a baby arrives.

One of the biggest shocks for me having my first baby was discovering that my parents, lovely as they were, couldn't be supportive of me. They just made everything harder. I had to knuckle down and get on with my new family and found it incredibly difficult catering for their emotional needs too. It can feel as if you have to parent them too. But you don't have to.

Your parents haven't burst your baby bubble. You can shut the doors, turn off the phone and climb right back in. You are your own little family now. Set up new traditions, routines that suit you, and then think about how and when you be with your parents. But don't expect them to get you. Be very clear on your boundaries, and cultivate a bright and breezy voice: 'Right the baby needs feeding and changing/a nap. We can have lunch then go out for a walk with the pram/to the shops/whatever'. 'Lets talk about that when the baby's in bed. He wants a cuddle with Grandma now, and then he'll be ready for X'