Adjusting to life after baby

[Bonnygirl20]

Hi, I love my baby so much and watching her grow and develop is amazing, although challenging at times. But I find it hard to adjust to this new way of life which is different from my old life. Any tips from experienced mums please?

Just take it a day at a time and gradually you’ll ease into it and it will become your new normal. But it is hugely different to life before children so don’t feel bad for finding it difficult.

Take your time. You'll adjust gradually and also your baby doesn't stay a newborn forever. You don't need to rush into things.

It will still be challenging for some time. The challenges keep changing and some will suit you better than others. I can manage on relatively little sleep as long as I have little luxuries to cheer me up -cup of tea, occasional hot bath. know your limits and don't try to exceed them by aiming for perfection.

How old is your baby now?

Thank you, baby is 4.5 months now, and changing all the time. Having little luxuries sounds good, and I like spending time just relaxing watching her and the way she moves and smiles. Smiles are the best! I guess it will become more normal in time and when she starts talking and walking etc

Ah congratulations on your lovely new baby 👶

My advice would be to slow everything right down. You don't need to rush around doing things, getting out and about. With a brand new baby it can feel like quite an achievement just making a meal or getting some shopping done. Baby steps to build your confidence up. Just spend as much time as you need learning how to care for your new baby. They only need their mums, their food and their sleep at this age. They don't need to socialise or to have new experiences. Your baby will just enjoy lying in bed cuddling and hearing your voice.

Take everyone's advice with a pinch of salt.

Don't worry if your baby will only sleep with you close.

Sniff her head if you feel down.

When you are ready for it, try to find some Mum friends for support.

Enjoy!

After baby was 15-18 months I felt a lot more like me. It gets a lot better when they are sleeping through the night more and have regular naps. You feel you have (a bit of) time to think and do things for yourself. I can now spend time alone or at work when he's at nursery and I miss him but being reunited is lovely.

Saying that, I desperately miss having a tiny baby to play with and snuggle and rock to sleep in my arms! When I see photos of him in those early weeks and months I miss him. I miss taking him out in his little sling and always being cuddled up to him. He is a mad little boy charging about and climbing everywhere now - so cute but in a totally different way!

So my main tip is to remind yourself that 'normal life' will return (just like it did after the pandemic lockdown) but this baby stage is so short and sweet try to make the most of it and sniff baby's head as much as you can!

Ps if baby's father can manage bedtimes, get a night out in the diary with some friends, or brunch if you need to feed baby to sleep. Have that to look forward to and don't cancel!

Thank you for the support and tips! It’s amazing how wonderful a baby’s head smells! My OH does a lot of the work, with nappies, bottles etc so that’s great. It’s just the difference in my life now that I find hard. But it’s also the love and fascination at that little person that makes it enjoyable. I look at her bouncer in the lounge when she’s in bed and I miss her. Sounds crazy when moments before she’s been fussing and won’t go to sleep!

I actually found 4 months the toughest time with all 4 of mine. But I love 5-10 months the best of all the little ages (my 8 year old is now totally amazing though, but obviously in a very different way).

From 5 months inwards they get progressively more interested/interesting. They can sit up for a bit (ok, you spend a lot of time initially putting cushions behind them because they keep shifting/twisting so they can still smack their head on the floor....) and they enjoy picking up toys to bash together/mouth/wave around. It's a beautiful age. It's still exhausting though! Newborn sleep has gone and a reliable routine with decent naps is rare. Take a lot of photos and videos and screw the housework! What you will look back on is the photos, but I'm 5 years time the vacuuming will need doing whether you did it now or not! Relax and enjoy.

You will find your pace as a mum, it's still very early in your journey together.

She has definitely got more interesting now that’s she’s smiling and trying to sit up and looks around more at everything. I just don’t feel like a mum. I know I’m doing all the things and I love cuddling her and talking to her but it hasn’t really sunk in yet. I also worry if she will love me and recognises me etc!