5months PP, still not had sex

[Newmum19880]

Hi,
As the title says, I'm 5 months pp and I've still not had sex with my husband since giving birth...
He's super supportive and in no way is pressuring me, but I feel like I'm supposed to have moved past the birth by now and back to 'normal'.
I had such a traumatic birth (also probably tmi but my clitoris ripped horribly) and the idea of having sex honestly is just so off putting and scares me.
So I guess I'm wondering if anyone experienced something similar?
Struggled to have sex post partum, and/or ripped their clitoris during childbirth?
How did it heal? Did you ever have sex again? 😅🥲🫠🙃
Jokes aside, I'm beginning to feel a bit depressed about it to be honest and was just hoping for anyone to share their experiences and not feel so alone in this.

Intimacy matters more than intercourse. Kisses and cuddles. Blow job for him. Back massage for you or running you a bath and having the baby so you can relax. Take your time sorting the physical stuff - sounds horrific for you. Then when completely healed think about how what will put you in the mood. I definitely found that the hardest bit, the old ways, habits, times of day etc are all changed post baby. Be patient with yourself. So pleased your DH is.

11 months first time, 18 months second time. We were still intimate in other ways though.

I was very dry for a long time which made it very uncomfortable.

That's a horrifying birth injury op I'm so sorry I hope it has healed and you are able to experience pleasure again x

@Newmum19880 How scary for you- I wonder if a referral to a women’s physio specialist would be a good idea? How does it feel? I did not tear in that direction, but had three episiotomy cuts after a failed ventouse attempt (all without an epidural!) so I do recall being very worried about tearing and fearing sex.

Thanks for the responses, especially the reminder that intimacy is more than sex.
And the referral is a good idea @fourelementary ! And your story reminds me to say it was an unplanned homebirth... I went to the hospital because I knew I was in labour but because I was having my first baby they didn't believe me and sent me home! When my waters broke at home only 5 hours later we called in to ask if we could come back and I was told to put a pad in and wait at least an hour 'to make sure it was really my waters'. Baby was born in bed 40 minutes later, with no pain killers, no midwife, no one but me and my husband with an ambulance on the way!

I am assuming this fear eventually went away for you?

Yes, it was around 5-6 months for us. We had attempted it before, but I was just so sore. It surprised me because I had a really easy and quick birth (4 hours start to finish).. only needed gas and air for pain relief for pushing last 20 mins. But even so, I did still get 2nd degree tears (4 in total), one i remember being very close to my urethra!

Just read your update and you also had a quick birth!😲

I’m sorry you had such a rough birth experience. I had a clitoral tear in my first birth, as well as a second (nearly 3rd) degree perineal tear. I was really worried about the clitoral tear but it healed really well and I had no issues with it after - all in good working order! (no intimacy for at least 4 months though post partum, baby didn’t sleep!) The perineal one was a bit tender for a few months but was ok with a lot (LOT) of lube.

I was consultant lead for my second pregnancy and the consultant said clitoral tears are almost always no issue at all in terms of healing due to the huge blood supply to it. Would also add I only had a tiny perineal graze second time round!

I would definitely recommend seeing a women’s health physio - I saw one after my second birth and it was so, so reassuring and helpful.

I had the same tear and numerous others. I wouldn’t do it if you don’t feel ready, but to be honest, I sort of forced myself to do it at 8 weeks as I was starting to make it into a ‘thing’ in my head. That helped me, not saying it’s the solution for everyone.