Childcare during childbirth

[CityGirlintheCountry]

Not sure if this should go here or in paid childcare, but I'm pregnant with baby #2 due in December, and we don't have any family in the country. Due to their own medical issues, our in laws wouldn't be able to fly in to help either. Looking at friends, but being due at Xmas not many are around.

For parents in similar situations, where did you find childcare for your older children? I'm likely going to need a CS, so that would require at least 24 hours in hospital too.

We asked some close friends with kids the same age as our toddler, who we trusted, and added them to a list. We also found a local night nanny and hired her for an hour of babysitting to meet our toddler. We asked our nursery and they said they’d help if they could, too. In the end we ended up having to call the night nanny and it was the best decision ever to have lined her up in advance. Luckily she was available and came quickly.

This is to say, ask around, be prepared to pay, and line up lots of options and back up options.

How old is your child?
We had a similar situation but could have my mum fly in to be with DC who was 2.
However I was stressing about a backup plan incase I went early.
Does your child go to school/ nursery? Could you have a friend have them in the morning and after?
Do you have your CS time slot yet? I was first thing in the morning luckily. If you’re morning/ early afternoon I would probably have DH go home to be with DC for the night. I would personally have preferred to spend the night alone in hospital since it was a second child vs my 2 year old being with a stranger overnight and then having a new sibling the next day.

If it's likely to be a planned section you'll know the day in advance so can arrange extra time at nursery (if the attend), which will be the easiest and least disruptive for toddler. If all goes well, you would have had baby and be recovering by the end of the nursery day, then you stay in hospital and partner goes and picks up toddler.

However, you should also make contingency plans.

Someone who can pick toddler up from nursery, if you or baby are poorly and partner needs to stay at hospital.

Someone who could have toddler if you go I to early labour before planned date.

And in a pinch, a way for you to get to hospital without partner, if they need to look after toddler.

Ask around friends, or even other mums at playgroup. Most will be happy to help in thos kind of situation and you have a couple of months for toddler to get to know them better

Don't rely on times for c sections. Lots of hospitals don't tell you until the day of based on clinical need. Also I got told I was 2nd (out of 4 electives) but due to a mrsa test result not being back in time I got bumped, there were then a number of emergency c sections. I finally got taken in at 4pm. The person who was 4th on the list got bumped to the next day.

I was in your shoes and we had a grandparent (from abroad) flying in for the day planned but i would put lots of options in place in case it happens early. It helped me to get my head around the fact that you might not have your partner with you.

We took dc1 in with us when dc2 was born. We had nobody within a 5 hour drive from us.
It was highly advised to not as they 'don't allow it' during our hospital visit to the maternity ward but my midwife basically said, they can't stop you if you do it if that's what you have to do just do it.
There was absolutely no problems on the day, nobody said a word and dh took her out of the room if it ever got too much for her (she was 2 at the time and the little devil stayed awake all night) he then took her home once I was settled and moved from delivery ward. Came back to pick us up and that was the end of it!

Do what you have to do!

Your options, depending on where you live, are:

1. Pay for a doula / private midwife to accompany you so DP stays at home with child.
2. Emergency fostercare - though many areas won’t do this if you have a partner unless you have a life threatening medical condition.
3. Take eldest child to hospital with you, but if you do this your DP will need to take them off during the birth, so you might as well have them stay at home.
4. Push for a planned c-section, go in alone (or ask your nhs midwife to accompany you), and DP stays at home with child.
5. Trusted friend /neighbour you can use for childcare but I personally would not do this if you have a DP.

Nannies / au pairs are probably too short notice now as you need time to do the checks and build up to allnighters.

I had my c section for twins alone due to lockdown and no childcare for older child

Oh that must have been so hard! How did you cope in the hospital that first night?

A friend/one of DC friends if willing
Agency nanny
Your partner stays home

Honestly in this scenario I'd go alone and leave my other child comfortable with their dad . Wouldn't want to leave mine with someone unfamiliar at the best of times but definitely not at such life changing time of getting a new sibling
I birthed alone in Covid so talking from experience too

Mine ended in emc and I just cracked on they get you up and in the shower 6 hours after surgery so then you can slowly move around

@CityGirlintheCountry

To Be honest I just did....didn't really have a choice to be honest and your instincts just kick in - my babies were poorly so as soon as the catheter was out - 6 hours after Emergency c section I was on my feet and going down to NICU. I was driving within 10 days

The quicker you get on your feet moving about the faster the recovery i would say (compared to my first c section when I didn't get on that quick)