Petrified of labour again.

[Expatfamily]

Another night of tossing and turning thinking about labour/being in hospital again. My birth story isn’t nearly as bad as others but I can’t stop thinking about it. But, more than that, I can’t decide what I want to happen next time.

I was petrified of having a hospital birth before. I did everything possible to ensure I got that non-medicalised birth but still ended up getting transferred in during my homebirth. I declined an induction at 42w. But after three days of contractions I was only 3cm dilated and with an infection I had no choice but to go in.

After 16 hours of being constantly monitored and all the induction drugs I ‘only’ got to 7cm. In my opinion it was awful. I have nightmares of constantly being hitched up the ‘bed’ as I kept squirming down the bed in pain. I was begging to get off the bed as I felt my back was trapped under constant concrete. I remember my husband begging those in the room to help me. I was told it was labour, and it was meant to hurt. It was the very standard consultant led labour with the cascade of interventions that I really didn’t want. I felt like a piece of meat. Over that period I had 15 different people internally examine me. A year later and I still don’t like my DH touching me down there.

I ended up having a C-section which resulted in me being put under. The aftercare was awful. Nobody put a pad under me during my C-section which meant that I bled out. I had to lie in that blood all day until that evening when I was encouraged to try to get into the chair. Again my concerns were ignored which meant that I fainted when I tried to walk. Apparently blacking out is a common reaction to pain. I was told to not let the gap between my pain medication lapse. When I requested my pain meds I was told that pain is ‘mental’ and not to think about the pain?

I’ve loved every second of being a mum to DD since we got home. I always wanted a large family which hasn’t changed.

As DD was 10lb 11oz and three weeks overdue I’m doubtful I’m going to be able to have the next one ‘naturally’. Realistically trying to have a Vbac at home is slim. I do not want another C-section nor hospital birth either.

I could have a birth review but I don’t know how much it’s going to help as I just don’t feel safe in hospitals. On paper my labour wasn’t too bad.

I’m broody but then just panic at the idea of how am I going to deliver the next baby.

I'd feel similar if I was pregnant again.

I think a birth review must be worth trying- I've not had one but would if I got pregnant, I presume they're designed to help with these kinds of feelings. Maybe start it saying your main focus is to feel positive going into the next one? If you might want one I would enquire sooner rather than later in case it takes a while to schedule.
Maybe another option could be to speak to an experienced, well recommended, doula? Even if you'd rather have your husband there on the day, they might be able to talk you through your fears and help you with documenting a birth plan etc to help professionals be aware of your history and any specific worries, priorities and preferences? The kind of thing you'd hope a midwife would do beforehand but they always seem so pushed for time.
Wishing you all the best.

Sorry I wrote this thinking you were currently pregnant, then re-read OP and think you didn't say that after all. But I think it all still stands!

I was about to tell you to get real after 14 years of the Tories!

It just shows the diverse experiences here on Mumsnet. It's so long ago I was in labour I've forgotten it exists!

The size of your baby doesn't necessarily mean you won't be able to have a natural birth. Lots of women have 10lb plus babies and no one had any idea until baby was put on the scales.

My first was very difficult. Long labour, no progression for ages, ending in forceps. And yes, being forced to lie on my back was excruciating! Hated the thought of staying in hospital after but ended up there for 2 days and it was so much worse than I expected 😥

With my second I decided to have a home birth, since everything that went wrong the first time simply wouldn't be possible at home. It was the best decision I ever made. I actually enjoyed it, and experienced a lot less pain.

No two births are the same, and seconds are almost always easier 😊

I'd really really recommend a private midwife if you can afford it. I had an absolutely awful time with the NHS and ended up getting one and the care was just completely and utterly different. I was actually listened to, it was a revelation!

I can't help too much but I can say my first birth was a hospital one, induction. At 42 weeks
And my subsequent labours were all natural starters imder 40 weeks and I had homebirths.

So just because the first was a medicalised induction doesn't mean you'll always need that.

My first born was also my largest. All my others were under 1lb smaller

Nature doesn’t always ‘know best’ and it sounds like your body spent too long growing a baby that was too big to be delivered naturally. In your position I would book a c-section for 40 weeks and see if the baby came naturally before, as if they do they’re likely to be smaller and easier to deliver.

My emcs could not have been any different and it was during the a peak month for covid lock downs. I wanted to mention this as I think your experience sounds so awful and that different hospitals could be so different.

I understand what you mean about being on your back though - my first I had to push out on my back with the drip in and agony meant I was relieved when I was offered an emcs for my second.

Where in the country are you? Maybe we can help with alternative hospitals? Remember you can choose to go to a different hospital.

An elective c section will be worlds apart from your first birth x

Hi there it's a labour ward midwife. It does sound from your description your had a really long and really difficult labour. I do think you would benefit from a debrief appointment with a Consultant midwife or Consultant obstetrician. I personally think you would be better off with a midwife given your personal preference for natural. You can also use this appointment to discuss a way forward. Women absolutely can give birth to big babies. If you choose VBAC the safest place for you to labour will be the hospital. You will probably be encouraged not to go over 40 weeks. You can absolutely request to keep the number of internal examinations to minimum. You can absolutely request to be off your back in labour. I would ask the Consultant midwife to make an individualised written plan for your labour. Those plans tend to be adhered to better. If you decide on VBAC I would encourage you to get your BMI under 25 preconception unless you are slim already. I hope it helps