Getting prepared for the birth-Help please!

[littlelamb]

I am due in 7 weeks and have realised just how ill prepared I am for the birth. I had dd nearly 4 years ago and I was induced as I was overdue. I don't want that to happen this time. The last few days I have been feeling little niggles and have had some very strong braxton hicks which have sent me into a panic and made me realise that I am not prepared at all for giving birth. For one, I don't know what it feels like to go into labour naturally, so it is really fear of the unknown. But I have no idea how to mentally and physically prepare myself for the birth. DD was OP and the labour was terrible, I was a wreck and accepted every bit of pain relief going. This time I want to get baby into the best position possible and feel able to have some choice about what happens to me. My care in the hospital last time was really bad, the midwife had no kind of empathy for my pain and when dd was born had actually turned away from me, so dd shot out and as a result I tore I would like the crowning to be much more controlled and supported this time. WHat can I do to get myself prepared for this? I have heard about hypnobirthing, which sounds good. I have also thought about a homebirth, but am worried because I had a bad haemmoragh (sp?) after dd was born and would panic if that happened at home.

Don't wory littlelamb, you've got plenty time to prepare mentally. Second births are mostly easier than first births so thats one thing to consider. I think part of panicking is feeling out of control, maybe start working on your birthplan now and discuss it with who ever is going to be your birth partner a few times so that they can convey your wishes even if you feel unable to. Sounds like things happened last time you wern't happy with so make sure your birth partner can stick up for you when you're concentrating on dealing with the labour. My ds was back to back and was painful, I had a 3rd degree tear but I felt in control most of the time and dh was there every second helping out, rubbing my back etc.
I listened to natal hypnotherapy cd's in the weeks leading up to the birth most days, these helped me relax during pregnancy and I feel although I still had pain during labour the techniques from the cd's helped me to focus and deal with the pain, I also feel they really helped me relax, especially when it came to the pushing bit.
I could do you a copy of the cd's if you want and send them to you?

Just typed a long reply which my computer has just lost .

In brief here is some info about optimum fetal positioning (nicked from another thread .

Also just to say I had this feeling of not being prepared when I had 7-8 weeks to go. I did what little I could physically (I have PGP and two young DDs who take up a lot of energy) but hardly anything mentally before I got to where I am now (5 weeks to go) and the whole unprepared feeling has gone . I was just getting used to nesting, preparing etc not I have no motivation at all to get things sorted. Underneath I still feel very unprepared but hope that the hormones will kick in soon and I'll get myself in gear again.

My first labour was OP, very long (32 hours esatblished), painful, stressful - not exactly straightforward. Second labour was exactly the same but much less stressful - I think there is a lot to be said for having been there before. You have more of an idea of how things are, how bad it is going to get etc etc.

I have heard good things about hypnobirthing but not tried it. I have a prenatal yoga DVD which is good (although only did it when I was feeling motivated to get things in order .

Trust yourself. Don't be ashamed about having had all the pain relief going (I did with DD1 - avoided Pethidine with DD2) being induced and OP is hard work.

Good luck

Dalrymps thats a really kind offer, thank you. I'll try and get my CAT sorted out tomorrow. Big Bad Mouse can I ask why you avoided Pethidine? As far as I can remember I was given pethidine without even being asked if I wanted it, and I have wondered ever since if it was that that made me so sick? I was sick about 4 times in labour and projectile vomitted all over the midwife when dd was born (serves her right ). Because I was induced I was attatched to a monitor and so couldn't walk around- I remember being in agony and finally tearing the belt off and getting down on all fours and the relief was instant - and just at that moment the anesthatist walked in. Having waited 2 hours for the epidural I was too scared to turn him away. This time I think I would like to try a waterbirth. But I need to work on the emotional side of things I think. At the moment, my braxton hicks make me panic. I need to get to a place where I can deal with what is going to happen and try to stay calm- once I lose it, that will be it.

I don't think you need to stay calm in labour (if so most of us would be completely buggered) but you do need a supportive birth partner who knows what you want. Thin kwhat you;d like to happen and have a contingency plan as well, e.g. if you have an epidural you would like a mobile epidural etc.

FWIW my sister was induced with her first - epidural, continual monitoring - and hated it. Second time around went into labout naturally and baby popped out after 40 mins 2nd stage . It may not be as bad this time, and you've also got the advatnage of knowing what it's like .

The pethidine made me feel drowsy, out of control and didn't do anything for my pain relief. I can't remember large chuncks of DD1s labour but remember all of DD2s. I think it was down to the pethidine, I didn't like it at all and, since it really didn;t seem to help, I chose to avoid it second time around (and will this time too).

I was sick during labour with DD1 but not with DD2, sick directly after the birth with DD1 and a few times thereafter. With DD2 the midwife was very attentive - when I said I felt sick she said it was down to the injection they give you to get the plancenta out and said she could give me an injection to counteract the sickness. I accpeted it and it worked really quickly - was fab. With DD1 I couldn;t holdf her as I was being sick for 4 hours, with DD2 I got to hold her almost straight away (I was acared of dropping DD1 while being sick).

Think about how you would feel this time around if you had got down on all fours, had immediate relief and then had the anethetist turn up - this time do you think you might think twice before accepting his 'services' and see how it goes on all fours instead of feeling obliged?

I would think at some point you are going to 'lose it' - most people do, but you have to learn that that doesn't mean control is lost forever - you can 'regroup' and feel more in control just as you did when you tore off your belt and did your own thing last time (prob was, then you handed control over to someone else again).

You have loads of time to get your mind round it all - there must be some good references for this sort of thing but I don't know them (although I could probably do with reading some too - had lots of therapy for other things which I can use though )

apologies for awful typing - having to type quickly as 'puter keeps back browsing for some reason

LL - mail me on sweedy 2 uk @ yahoo . co . uk

without the spaces obviously and i'll sort the cd's

Thanks Dalrymps- Have emailed

Hi

See my earlier conversation about how to avoid tearing (don't know how to link I'm afraid) - loads of people gave me some great advicce about the benefits of waterbirths, controlling the corwning etc. In terms of the emotional side, check out Janet Balakas, really helped me develop a positive view of birth in my first pg (which I've lost admittedly following my second!).

One different note, I had pethidine with my first birth and loved it, it really helped, made everything v dreamy but my baby came out v sleepy, basically slept and didn't feed for the first three days which got me v panicked (though as I was in Spain, I was in hospital all that time and the MWs were v reassuring). Had jsut G&A in my second birth and it was painful but my baby was super-alert and fed brilliantly straight away.

Best of luck