Honestly every woman and every birth is different.
I had the epidural all 3 times I gave birth and it only actually worked for the first birth.
But I consider the first birth to have been my hardest.
I had pethidine the first time and had a bad reaction.. it made me very sick. So I didn't have it the next two times.
I had gas and air for the pushing on the last two births after the epidurals had not worked.
Both times the epidurals didn't work because I'd progressed too far during having them put in! So I ended up pushing pretty much immediately after having the epidurals placed.
All 3 were inductions which is apparently more painful than natural labour.
The hardest thing was the length of time I was in labour the first time.
The pain of the last two labours, even tho the epidurals did not work, when I look back at it, was actually easier to cope with because it was only a few hours.
One really important thing that I learnt that really helped me is, that there will always be a point in every labour where the pain gets so bad that you think you can't do it any more and you panic.. this is usually a point called 'transition' and heralds the start of the pushing stage. So basically when you hit that point, that's the beginning of the end, it's when you are about to go to 10cm. So don't panic. Once you are past that you will be meeting your baby soon! I wish I had known that in my first labour.
Something else I didn't know also was that moving between cm of dilation doesn't take an equal amount of time between each cm. Sometimes early labour can take a long time. So you can remain at like 4cm dilated for hours, in a mild amount of pain... do not think that when you get to 5cm and the pain intensifies, that you are then going to spend hours in that higher amount of pain.. because usually things will speed up massively after that, so you mustn't panic thinking it's going to go on for ages abd you won't be able to bare it.
I also personally did not notice the crowning much at all. It didn't register much after the contractions. I could feel it happening in the last two labours.. I even felt myself tear, but it didn't feel like pain because of the euphoria and adrenaline and relief that it was the end. I almost enjoyed the sensation to be honest!
It was only the transition stage that really hurt for me.. and more than anything I think it was panic.
By my third birth I barely made a sound apparently because as I'd been thru it before and wasn't panicking as much.
I do think fear makes the pain worse.
I'm not usually a woo person but actually the most helpful things really were calming music and dim lighting! I didn't do hypnobirthing but I can see the appeal now. There's a lot to be said for keeping calm.
Just remind yourself that the pain will not last forever so all you have to do is keep going. Your body can do it, and then it will heal itself.
It does hurt and it's very surreal.
But like I said it can be different for different women and different births so just keep an open mind about what pain relief you'd like.
I have a friend who just did it at home with nothing!! And she said it was a lovely experience!
So you really don't know how it's gonna feel for you.
Try not to be afraid. It's a very small part of your life.. hours to days maximum. Out of the whole of your life. And then it's over and you'll have your baby in your arms!!