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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Help me write a birth plan after traumatic first birth

4 replies

TheDairyMilkQueen · 30/06/2024 22:14

I'll try to include everything and be as concise as possible.

I am 33 weeks pregnant with baby no.2.

I need help with writing a birth plan for this baby, as I cannot go through the same experience again.

First pregnancy was pretty uneventful but was consultant led due to recurrent miscarriage and my BMI being just over 30.

DC1 was born during the height of covid restrictions, so this probably affected my care. The hospital was very understaffed during this time.

Due to growth scans estimating DC would be large and meassuring ahead, the consultant recommended being induced at 40+3 if I had not gone into natural labour.

The induction went ahead and around 15 hours after I woke with extreme back pain and my waters went shortly after.

I buzzed and explained to the midwife my waters had gone, before I could say anything else, she gave me a pad and told me to monitor it.

I buzzed again a while later and explained I was in a lot of pain and she brought me some codine, this did nothing for the pain. I was in agony and all of the pain was in my back. (I later found out DC was back to back).

I was left to labour alone for hours on an induction bay with 3 other women.

I called her again to say I thought I needed to push.

4 hours after telling her my waters had gone, the midwife examined me and hastily told me to call my partner to come as I was going to the labour ward.

When I got to the delivery suite, I was 8cm dilated.

I had an epidural.

During labour DC became distressed and my heartbeat was irregular.

The doctors were called in and seemed put out at being called and told the midwife to monitor for another 4 hours.

Some time later the midwife buzzed the doctors and started wheeling me down to theatre.

I narrowly avoided an emergency c-section and DC was born with forceps and I had an episiotomy.

Everything happened so quickly and I was shell shocked.

Thankfully aside from a few cuts from the forceps, DC was perfectly healthy.

I was moved to the postnatal ward that evening.

The following morning my catheter was removed.

I was told I needed a blood transfusion due to PPH. They suspected I had an infection as my temperature was raised. But this didn't happen, nearly 2 days after giving birth, I had still not been given the transfusion.

Information was not given to me and no one would tell me exactly why I couldn't go home. A midwife kept telling me to drink water, to lower my temperature. I was drinking bottles upon bottles of water.

My partner stayed at the hospital long after visiting hours until there was someone to speak to.

The loveliest midwife explained that no transfusion would be given until my temperature was lowered and infection was under control.

Within the hour I was moved to another ward and given IV antibiotics in the middle of the night.

The following morning a transfusion was arranged, I needed another the following day.

I was told I would need a third infusion.
When the doctor came round to me, I asked if I could go home and come back to be given the third transfusion as an outpatient. I explained the postnatal ward was too loud. I wasn't getting medication when I asked for it or hours afterwards. I just needed to be in my own home and own bed.

The doctor was very condescending and said 'no, you can't. I'm well aware you want to go home' practically rolling her eyes at me. At this point I'm almost in tears as she goes to walk off. A midwife overheard and said 'Excuse me, she's not a hostage here, now the iron levels are x amount, she can be sent home with iron tablets'.

I agreed to wait for the blood tests after that days transfusion and then be discharged in the early evening.

Sometime after the birth of DC, I wrote to the hospital about my experience. I was asked if I wanted to make a formal complaint, I said I didn't want to I just wanted to discuss what happened, what went wrong etc.

It took around a month for me to get a full response but the matron was 'sorry I felt the way I did' but there was absolutely nothing wrong with the treatment I received. I've not taken it further, but it's frustrating but no responsibility was taken for some of the things I experienced.

This time around I have been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. So I know there is a possibility I advised to have an induction again. I will delay this as much as possible if there is no real medical need as the GD seems to be pretty controlled at the moment by diet. But it induction is best for me and DC of course I will go with the safest option.

Now... my birth plan.

Would it sound silly to say as long as everything is fine medically with me and DC, I would like to be discharged at the first opportunity. I honestly don't think it would be in my best interests to stay on the postnatal ward any longer than needed.

I would also like to include being better informed this time and clearer communication of any treatment needed postnatally.

If you have made it through this, thank you!

Any suggestions of other things I could/should remember to include would be appreciated.

TIA x

OP posts:
SpiritAdder · 30/06/2024 22:27

Do you have any choice in hospital? Maternity care in the NHS is dire and some hospitals are worse than others. I would see if there is a hospital with better maternity care that you can use instead of the same one.

A birth plan is great, but it won’t fix the dismissive and neglectful culture you encountered at the hospital you were in for the last birth. As you wrote, it wasn’t the specific interventions that you needed that distressed you- it was the being left alone, your buzzer being ignored, your pain being dismissed, you beimg treated inhumanely by the doctors and midwives.

No birth plan can fix that except perhaps being able to choose a different hospital that is more patient friendly? I hope you are not rural and are within a good distance of at least 2 other hospitals…do some research into them and see if any have a better reputation for care.

The other option you should consider is having a support person with you while you are in labour that can advocate for you. Do you have a forthright mum or sister or aunt who can run to get a midwife if the buzzer isn’t being answered? Who can say not good enough if your pain is being dismissed? Who can ask forcefully what is necessary for discharge and ensure they get it done. This will be VERY important as likely your partner will be home with elder child when you have this one…and tbf most men are not very good support persons for wrangling belligerent midwives and doctors because they are listened to even less than a knowledgeable middle aged woman who has had kids, and because they are men they can often be accused of being intimidating/threatening when standing up for you whereas a woman won’t.

Spaghettihoops1 · 30/06/2024 22:54

I had a similar birth to you, COVID, induced, ignored, 9cm and rushed through and told to call my husband, stuck baby, forceps and an episiotomy.

I've had my second child and my advice is to really advocate what you don't want. I actually went in with no plan second time round and found it to be a much nicer experience, even though my 11lb baby got stuck and I had a C-section.

Potplant19 · 30/06/2024 23:08

I had a traumatic first birth and went in as prepared as I could for my second. I found it helpful going through birth notes with a mental health midwife who was the first one who acknowledged that what happened should not have happened.

I also hated the post natal wards, I needed transfusions too and was told very little about what happened to me or the impact of it. Second time round I made it clear if there were any private rooms available I would be happy to pay for one (understanding that if someone else needed it medically I would be kicked out), and also flagged why I found it so hard first time round.

Good luck, I found it helped to wave every mental health flag going, even though I was mainly just focused on making sure it wasn't such a shit show as first time round.

TheDairyMilkQueen · 01/07/2024 07:12

@SpiritAdder We have a few hospitals that are within a half an hour drive. Luckily we don't live rurally. My mum is local, so if I felt I needed someone to advocate for me, she could definitely do it.

@Spaghettihoops1 I'm sorry you experienced similar, but I'm glad you went on to have a better second birth.

@Potplant19 I'm sorry you experienced similar first time around. I'm glad you got the support you felt you needed.

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