How did you process birth trauma?

[Proce55ing]

I hope it’s ok to say I’m not ready to share my experience or really hear other peoples at this point, but I’d really like to know how you began to process and work through the experience.

I gave birth 2 weeks ago. I’ve just been trying to manage since then and I’ve not really thought too much about the birth, but I’ve noticed any time anyone asks (which is a lot) I start to cry and need to change the conversation. When I look at all the marks all over my body from everything that happened, I want to cry and, if I look at photos of me taken at any point around the birth I want to cry.

I don’t feel like I’m crying for myself though, I feel almost like I’ve seen a really sad story on tv and I feel sorry for that person.
If I’m not thinking about it all I’m fine.
I know people have much worse experiences and really it doesn’t matter what I experienced, we’re all here and healthy and it’s over now…but then why is it still making me cry?

baby blues that come in around this time may also be contributing to how you’re feeling op 🌷

It’s only been 2 weeks OP, it’s all so raw. Even a straightforward birth can be very shocking and take time to emotionally recover from.

As for processing it, I think it’s different for everyone. Having baby number 2 and having an elective section made me feel really in control the second time around and was a wonderful experience. That is what healed me emotionally the most. That and time. I didn’t go down the therapy route myself, that could be something you want to explore.

Please seek help from a professional. I didn't because after having years of infertility and coming home with a healthy baby I was made to feel I should feel lucky I survived (by professionals, friends and family) so I just carried on. And ptsd was only if youd been to war.This was 20 years ago so hopefully it will be easier to seek support now. Ten years after I had another traumatic event (that I was also made to feel like I should be happy I survived even though it was life changing). Roll on 8 more years and I finally had psychology treatment and one of the first things the psychologist said was trauma on top of trauma causes many more problems. I definitely see now how there were overlaps in the traumas (although only one birth related) and can see how not dealing with the first trauma meant dealing with the second was impossible.
Please ignore anyone who says it's the baby blues it is totally different. I still to this day can't look at baby photos of my first born without crying. On dc first birthday I secretly cried because I realised I may not have been there to see dc first year but it always felt like I couldn't discuss it because I should feel lucky to have dc (I am but I also should have been able to express the trauma too).
It's early days and somethings will get easier with time but other things won't without some support.

What about asking for a birth debrief? I regret not asking and wonder if that would've helped.

What happens at a debrief? I have my notes and I know what decisions were made and why, so I’m not sure walking through it again and reliving it would help?

i had a traumatic birth and ptsd. E m d r helped a lot.

I had a traumatic first birth, the baby was put in danger because of it, I made sure my subsequent deliveries were c section.

Honestly I just was grateful after the ordeal that I had a live baby, and just got on with life, but I believe some effects of the birth still affect my now adult child and did right through childhood, so a lot if what ifs.

I found the process very helpful, but there was lots I didn’t understand so this helped me. If you feel you already understand why things happened maybe this wouldn’t help so much.

I had a traumatic birth (first baby) and what healed it for me was the birth of my second baby. I'm sorry - that probably isn't very helpful.

Definitely try to get some help or counselling. Mine developed into an extreme episode of health anxiety and really affected my functioning.

I promise there will come a day when childbirth doesn't seem so awful I have 4 children. The other 3 births were not traumatic.

Do you want to talk to us about the birth?

EMDR

Hi OP, hope you are ok ❤️. I had my daughter 4 years ago and I went into it pretty blissfully unaware of what to expect. No one told me what it’s like really, just the nice part which is your baby coming into the world but how you got there is a whole other journey.

I had an awful experience but at the time I thought it was normal. I unfortunately ended up with something called post partum psychosis, something I’d never even heard of and subsequently I was also diagnosed with PTSD. Long story short I wasn’t heard or listened to during my labour, in fact they didn’t believe I was really progressing. I was induced, my waters broke but they didn’t believe I was in established labour. I was told at 4cm I could go into the delivery ward, I didn’t get to go down till 9cm despite me asking for help and that I thought something was wrong. They gave my husband the button to push for the epidural, I’m still to this day unsure if this is ok or not. He pushed the button each time it beeped which was each 15 mins or so, I went down at around 3am and I didn’t actually deliver till 7.45pm. I then felt very very weird, I couldn’t talk, I just seemed to move from place to place but no recollection of how I got there, the next day they had said I had a reaction to the epidural. I hadn’t slept for 36 hours, I could hear them but I couldn't speak but I also just didn’t feel anything, just zoned out. I didn’t tell my family or friends, I don’t know why, I had nothing to feel ashamed about, I just felt like I wasn’t having the same experience as everyone else or what I thought was the right experience. To this day I still haven’t told friends which is sad I know, my husband knows and my parents, that’s it. I ended up doing counselling for PTSD which did help. I also did a birth reflections meet with a midwife as the hospital, I cried the whole way through and found it really hard, that was 6 months on. I would say birth is a traumatic process. I am however absolutely fine now, it was a journey and hard but with time and support I did get there. I would say to make sure you speak to your health visitor / midwife in any after care support, your GP, a birth reflections service your hospital may offer. Speak to your partner , family , friends and don’t go through it alone ❤️. I wish I didn’t bottle it up and I know if a friend went through it , I’d want to be there for them. Birth can be traumatic and then on top of that our hormones our wild, lack of sleep, change in routine etc. These upcoming weeks can be hard but you will get through it, be kinder to yourself and take it day at a time, don’t put yourself under pressure or set any expectations. You are doing great and you have made the first step ❤️

Somehow it always felt like something that happened to someone else, a bit like you describe. I couldn't talk about it for a while without crying, which was odd because I didn't think about it much. But then gradually it was like I was telling an anecdote at a party about someone else. People are horrified when they hear what happened (it comes up because it was the result of an underlying condition) but it just doesn't hold any emotion for me anymore. I know factually what happened, but it is like it happened to someone else and I can't really remember it, even though I was fully conscious and aware of what was happening at the time.

Sometimes I wonder if I should have counselling to process it more deeply or something, but I don't think there's much point when it is having no impact on me anymore.

Congratulations on your new baby and very sorry you had a traumatic time.

I did too and couldn't talk or think about the birth without crying for a long time. I also couldn't bear to look at my body but it passed. I have acceptance now.

Once the initial horror passed I found talking it through over and over really helped me process it. I wasn't offered a debrief but think it's a really good idea. Speak to your family, health visitor, gp - anyone just don't shoulder it alone.

You're not alone feeling like this and you won't feel like this forever

I had an extremely traumatic birth with our second baby, 7 years ago. I had PTSD and had EMDR therapy which helped, but the pnd lingered for 2 years. But despite my husband, GP & HV encouraging me to have antidepressants I refused, I think I didn't want to acknowledge what had happened and that it was still affecting me. I so wish I'd listened to them now, I possibly wouldn't have 'lost' those 2 years. The memories will fade a little with time, but for me acceptance of what happened has eventually come. Take all the support that is offered, this won't go away by itself, lean on the people around you.

Badly. Born with an Apgar score of 1 after a criminally mismanaged birth. Worried for years that academic challenges due to oxygen starvation as had to be resuscitated. There is no help.

On the plus side, he's just told me he's passed his first year at a top 10 university that everyone told me he'd never get into. Perseverence and reilience, that's all there is. There's a reason why its women that give birth ...

I'm still traumatised by ds birth & he is 20. Induced at 36+4 due to pre eclampsia, 60 hours in induced labour to get to 8cm, 2 hours later I had gone back to 6cm. Taken for emcs, after ds was out I had a massive haemorrhage, when they had finished putting me back together they had to get someone with a mop & bucket to clean the blood off the floor before they could move me out of theatre. Developed HELLP syndrome after exh & my parents left, got told my major organs were shutting down, I begged for them to ring exh & my parents to come back but they refused. Spent 3 days in high dependency off my face on drugs with midwives groping down my nightie to try & force me to feed ds when it said on my birthplan that I was bottle feeding. When I finally came round & demanded a bottle for him I was moved to a room on post natal ward & never saw anyone except for when drug round were done, ended up discharging myself. Went home still very poorly with BP of over 200/120, thankfully my lovely GP treated me at home, then got horrific PND, was suicidal for 3 months & then diagnosed with PTSD, it took me a year to bond with ds, every time I looked at him all I could think of was what I went through. I still have thoughts of what if I had refused to have the induction or the emcs, would I have been better off.

Talking about it helped (that was my first). Also I thought I knew why certain things happened but then there was a very kind poster on here who I assume is an anaesthetist and she explained in very detailed terms what had happened which was so so helpful (again to do with my first).

But my third I can't talk about as it's too awful. I think it would help if I could though. Partly it's that I don't want to trauma dump on others. Idk. I feel like that one was incompetence or lack of care which is harder to get over as the explanation for it is "someone didn't care about you" which is hard to deal with.

Sorry you're going through this x

Respectfully to some PPs because they sound awful experiences but OP has said she isn't ready to hear others traumatic stories...

my first health visitor advised me to share details of my birth with anyone who would listen. Keep talking about it. (This was pre birth and birth was not “traumatic”). Even if birth isn’t medically traumatic it’s still traumatic! Only because it’s something you’ve never been through before and the changes you and your body have to go through.
I think it’s good the share the experience as that helps to process it.
Talk to HV, hubby, friends anyone.
let yourself cry. I did have a traumatic experience with my second and the only way I could process what had happened was how you described it - as if it was somebody else’s story. So I did that without overthinking it and it helped me cry and get my emotions out. Then a few months later I had counselling which really helped.

xx

I was the same, had a C section that went wrong and couldn't talk about it without crying. Tbh I avoided talking about it until about 2 months PP, then I talked about it more, and then eventually I just stopped feeling sad about it after 3 months or so.

How are you doing today @Proce55ing ? Hope you are doing ok ❤️. I hope each day brings a better day for you but just know that what you are going through now won’t be your future, it takes time but it will get better. Do what you need to do, when you need to it and know you aren’t on your own. It’s a wonderful support community on here if you ever want to talk wether it’s now, a months time, a years time. I would recommend the debrief at the hospital but do it when the time is right for you, there is no rush and when you do go, try and do it on a day where you can have time to yourself to give you a chance to process before and after and even after then, it will take time. The fact that you have recognised how you are feeling is the first step and a huge step ❤️