Childcare arrangements for DD1 during labour with DC2?

[Kerelene]

My 2nd baby is due November so I know this is a bit previous, but I'm wondering what I can do with DD1 (aged 3 by then) during the labour. My family don't live nearby. I do have friends nearish who could potentially help but I can't work out the logistics.
If it was daytime I don't think it would be too much of a problem for her to go to a friends or neighbours. But if it's the evening -
Would hubby drop her at my friends while I labour on my own and wait for him to return? Most of my friends don't have a spare room to put her up - my nearest friend who lives v near has 3 kids in one bedroom so not sure how she would fit her in! I guess a mattress on the floor... maybe I am worrying for nothing...

I heard many people say that having 2nd or subsequent babies at home meant the older kid(s) could just stay there, this isn't a possibility as we have a tiny flat and what worries me is being in the throes of labour and DD1 waking up wanting cuddles etc and preventing me from focusing.

Sorry for the waffle. Basically I would like to hear what any of you ladies did with your existing kid(s) when you went into labour with 2nd or subsequent babies, if you had no family nearby to help.

Thank you!

With our last DS, it all happened rather quickly and I don't have family nearby. So we took DS3 to the hospital with us. Unfortunately though it means my DH was not in for the birth but out in the waiting room with DD3. Is there a teenager nearby who does babysitting and could come with you to hospital - the right ££ could make it worth their while. You're right in sorting it out now, the less to worry about later the better. Talk to your friends - I'm sure they would love to help.

i asked my friends who live nearby to keep their phones on at night and be prepared to come over and spend the night i needed. most of them are couples anyway so one of them can stay with their own child(ren).

still hoping it happens when my mum is already here (she's coming over to stay when i'll be 39 weeks)

do you have a nanny/childminder you could call?

I have asked friends to help. It's not ideal, I am desperately hoping that I don't have to call anyone in the middle of the night. Mostly people have said yes, but there's one weekend that absolutely no one is around, so I shall either go into hosp by myself leaving dd at home with dp, or we'll all three go in and dp will just have to pace the coridores with dd while I have the baby.

Someone said to me that is IS okay to call on friends and neighbours for something like this because people feel glad to help and excited to be involved. Would you mind if a friend asked you? Even if it was inconvenient? Exactly.

My favourite plan is to go into labour at a nice, safe, easy, convenient time - 11.00am would be fine.

if they are friends they will want to help out. you would do the same for a friend.

not sure about neighbours (esp not mine- they are horrendous!!) but come on, of course you should feel free to call up on your friends who have agreed and said yes even if it's the middle of the night.

much better i think than having to labour on your own!

the alternative is to have someone other than dh as your (backup) birth partner. or hiring a doula to be with you during labour.

I have a friend who was recently in your situation. She was really reiticent in asking for my help even though I see her quite a lot. I was really happy that she asked and thought it was a shame that she had clearly worried about it. In the end she went into labour at about 10pm, I went over to her house leaving DH and DD here, and stayed the night with her DS while she was at the hospital. In the morning I got her DS up and took him to ours to play with DD. It was lovely and no hassle at all.

I bet if you ask your friends they will feel the same.

I remember staying the night as a child with our vvvv posh neighbours because my father had had to rush to hospital with my mother when my brother was born. I was only 27 months old, but I remember some little things, like flashbacks almost (despite everyone saying that you can't remember things from that age).

I suppose all I want to say is that everyone is happy to help in these situations, and DD won't mind (I certainly didn't, especially as I was treated as the princess of the house for that day!)

Here's what I did:
Agreed with a friend that I would phone her in an emergency and she would come over and sit with DD (awake or asleep) when I went into labour.
At same time, I would phone my parents who live 2 and a half hours away and they would have bags packed ready to drive over straight away.
Friend arrived 7.45 pm, dd had been asleep in bed for 1/2 hour. My parents arrived 10.15 ish so friend only had to sit and watch tv for a couple of hours.
dd woke up in the morning a bit disconcerted that we weren't there but she knows her grandparents very well so was not a big problem. We came home later that day anyway.

Thanks for the replies everyone and the suggestions.

I know that friends will be happy to help, this isn't the problem - I think my first post was rather unclear - we are hoping for a homebirth as my with my DD I had a great homebirth.

But I am realising this could be more problematic in terms of childcare, because it means DD needs to go to someone else's house rather than someone coming over to look after her, since our flat is so small - no question of her being looked after elsewhere in the flat.

DD sometimes goes to play next door, she could go there esp if the labour seems like it might be quick (which is what worries me being 2nd time around) - I guess if it was nighttime we could let her sleep but then wait till she wakes up and DH could take her next door - I'm not sure about waking her and taking her to someone else's house in the middle of the night as this seems very disruptive for her and them.

I have close friends who live a 10-15 minute drive away who I would ideally like to ask, they might also be able to give DD a bed as their kids are teenagers and one of them could give up their bed. But they have no car to pick DD up, so DH would need to drop her off and come back which would mean leaving me alone unless we wait for the MW first. (Last time we put off calling the MW and she arrived 1.5 hours before baby did.)

If I went into labour in the daytime it shouldn't be a problem, it's evening or night time that worries me.

DH said that we have to be prepared for a quick labour and not being able to arrange anything in time so that she ends up still being there when the baby is born - I really want to avoid this as I think it would make it impossible to focus on my contractions and hamper my labour.

But I don't want to have to book a hospital birth just because it would make childcare arrangements easier.

Maybe I should ask on some homebirth sites to see what other people did in our situation?

Ask on the UK homebirth list - lots of people there has faced this problem. health.groups.yahoo.com/group/homebirthUK/

Personally we are having a homebirth and calling my parents who are an hour or so away. But if push comes to shove I have a few local friends who can take DD for a few hours each - if your labour is going to be very quick it may be that a quick trip to the park will be all she'll need looking after for and if it's at night, are you sure she won't sleep through it?

Thanks choc, I have just joined that list and asked there for advice.

I can't imagine her sleeping through it as she is very prone to waking at night lately, and both my bedroom and the living room where I will probably be labouring are literally right outside her bedroom door - and she sleeps with her head right next to the door too.

If it's daytime I don't think it will be a problem.

It would be great if someone could have her long enough for me to have a rest after the birth as well!

Well I suppose the other way is to tottle off to Centreparcs or somewhere that has childcare on staff and 'accidentally' give birth there

In all seriousness though if you are really stuck social services can find a foster family for one night - it's not as uncommon as you'd think. And no it doesn't mean they'd enquire into your entire life either.