At home pool birth

[Bethanyjade123]

Hello, I am thinking about my birth with my second baby. My son is 7 years old and he is my little best friend! He was a little upset when we told him we were having another baby because he was worried we wouldn’t have the same relationship with him anymore and it broke my heart! we are doing everything we can to keep him as close to the pregnancy as we can.
anyway… I am thinking about an at home pool birth, so that he can be kind of there straight away! And he can stay with me until he can’t anymore…
in labour with him I was really quiet, didn’t scream or make a fuss so I am not worried about that. Also his aunt lives just around the corner so if he did need to go somewhere else it’s easy to make it happen.
My mum thinks I’m mad! but I think it feels like the best thing ever

I think it would potentially really scare him and that's a really unfair thing to put on him.

Agree.

He won’t want to look back as a young teen and remember his mum half naked in a pool of blood.

Look, it's up to you.

However personally I agree with your DM. You have no idea how your second labour and birth will go. Literally anything could happen. I had a haemorrhage with my second birth, I didn't have that with my first and obviously wasn't expecting it. Personally I would feel extremely anxious to have any of my children in the same building as me in the later stages of labour and beyond. I wouldn't want them to witness anything that may worry them and you are unable to control that.

Agreed. I genuinely think you're heart is in the right place here but this has the potential to make the new sibling even more of an issue. He's 7 he won't fully comprehend what's happening and if he sees you in pain he's going to link that with the new baby hitting his mum which is not the way you want to start of their sibling relationship.

I had my second baby at home and my daughter slept through the whole thing. She woke up in the morning to her new baby brother and we were all tucked up in bed having tea and toast together - truly magical!

I am a birth doula and have attended a home birth where the older sister - she was 6 at the time, was present when the baby was born in the bath, with midwife in attendance. I was on hand to look after older sister if needed or support the mother, whichever seemed most appropriate. We read books and did some colouring in together at one point. If you want to have a home birth, contact your midwife team and ask to speak to the homebirth team - they will have much more experience than me and will be able to talk you through the options, what safety nets you need to have in place - sister round the corner sounds perfect! Wishing you a beautiful birth.

Look, your DS is not (and should not be) your best friend, he's your 7 year old child. That stands no matter how much you love him, or how close you feel.

Start your thinking from that point of view and ask yourself what you want him to see and experience. Bear in mind that things might go well, but they could go horribly wrong.

Either it will be an easy birth and you'll be leaving hospital a few hours after it happens to rejoin him, or it won't and you'll either need to go to hospital from home or be glad you're already there getting care. I don't think it's in his best interests to be present.

My friend wanted this, with the intention of preventing her DD being afraid of birth. I pointed out that she would be far more scared if the DD saw my friend carted off in an ambulance than if my friend calmly said bye and was driven off, waving and smiling by daddy. Thank God she chose hospital, as things were nothing like her calm first birth, and I doubt either friend nor new baby would have survived a 40 min hospital transfer.

A family member had a home birth for her second child and hired a birthing pool. Her 3 year old saw mum in the pool then went off to bed, waking up to a beautiful baby and content mum.

Local maternity hospital is 15 minutes away if there was an emergency.

Go for it but obviously have a back up plan.

I had a birthing pool for my 4th and laboured in it overnight. the older 3 were asleep upstairs. She arrived very quickly so her siblings never managed to go to my friends house as was planned. The oldest 2 watched her be born, and neither has any memory of it. The oldest has a memory of going to school and telling them she had a baby sister but no recollection of the actual birth.

it worked ok for us, however I would get his aunt over early on so she can be present and there for him as much as possible. You will not be in a place to comfort him. I was barely aware they were around. DS who was 2 at the time charmed the midwife and they watched Toy Story together with him in the lounge while I was doing ok in the pool (i need very hands off labours do not like being touched when in labour)

It was a wonderful experience and not one I regret.

forgot to say baby no 4 is sat next to me cuddling the dog she is 20 :) her siblings are 22 24 and 26 .. all made it to adulthood.

I'm contemplating the same. Would never have suggested it, but my son really wants to be there to see his brother be born. The midwives at the birth center are supportive as they've experienced it before. Their advice was to assign a grown-up to look after my son while I'm in labour - someone he is very comfortable with and who I trust to see if/when he's having a hard time and to take him out of the room. Also, to have him be nearby but not in the same room until I'm actually at the pushing stage - this is for me as much as for him because they've seen women whose labour has slowed or stalled because they are distracted by the presence of their older child and can't fully disconnect from their usual caregiving role. This means I'll be asking someone else in the room with me to text the person i assign to look after my son to let them know it's time to come. I took my son to the birth center already so he can picture what the place looks like. We've been reading and talking about the birth process, i demonstrated the kind of noises i made when i gave birth to him, and as things get closer i will try to find some birth videos that would be suitable to show him. If i can find the pictures of his birth (cannot believe i might have lost them!) I will show him those.

My son loves to "help" so I've already thought of things he could do to help that wouldn't involve him being in the birth room while I'm labouring: going to the shops to get snacks and drinks for the midwives and my birth support people; setting up our house so it's ready for his new brother to come home; making sure the cat has water in his water bowl; etc etc. That way he will feel involved and included without necessarily being present at the birth or present throughout the entire labour. And being involved and included is really what i think he wants at heart. But, if he does turn out to really want to be in the room, i think it could be amazing.

I think you know your kid and how they're likely to react/cope. Every kid is different, and there are some for whom this would be utterly inappropriate. I also think you can do lots to prepare them in advance, including for the possibility that they won't get to be there because you need a little additional help or because it's the middle of the night and they're asleep! And i also think you should be ready to be flexible and be ok with it if it doesn't work out for your kid to be there (because of timing, or because they're scared).