Friend as nurse during csection

[Jess1336]

A friend of mine and my husband has offered to be working during our planned C-section and she asked if I wanted her to be on shift and be our nurse in theatre. As much as this is a lovely offer and I said so at the time, I am regretting agreeing to this slightly, as I wonder whether it's going to make me more nervous, my partner isn't so keen either.

What can I do to avoid upsetting her but still tell her id rather she wasn't in surgery/theatre with us during delivery?

Thanks!

I fully understand why you’ve changed your mind. I was just be honest with her. Explain that as much as her offer is lovely, you would like this to be a moment between you and your husband. She can’t really argue that as if she’s there then it’s always the story of how your friend helped in theatre.

I'd hate that too OP. The nurses do see a lot of you in theatre (i.e. inserting catheters and, well frankly, all.your innards, so I'd say having thought about what it entails, you would prefer to have a medical team you didn't have to look in the eye ever again.

Oh no I’d hate this! Why in earth has she inserted herself in to your operation it’s really weird 😮

Just tell her and quickly that you’ve changed your mind!

Just say you’ve decided you’d rather it be a stranger rather than somebody you know personally see all of your innards in your most private and vulnerable moments! She will definitely understand OP, if she doesn’t then she is odd. I had a male doctor once give me a breast examination and the female nurse chaperone who came in was a girl I was friends with, she walked in and the. straight away said oh sorry I’ll get you somebody else!

As a nurse she should know better, and actually the professional boundaries would be crossed here. She should make sure she's actually not in theatre when you are for this reason.

I work in obstetric theatres, and it's come up twice now that two people I knew have come to theatre while I was on shift. One of the NCT group from our first children, and a former colleague from a former place of work. Acquaintances rather than good friends, but they still would have known me.

They didn't know I was there ahead of time, so rather than impose on them, I let the anaesthetist know that I knew them. As the anaesthetist was going to see them prior to theatre it was a good opportunity to let them know I was there. It also meant they could say no freely if they wished. They were both ok with me there, so it went ahead.

If they had said no, I won't lie that I would have been a little disappointed. But it's their birth, their moment, and their choice, and I 100% would have understood, as will your friend. Just let her know sooner rather than later as she may have had to pull strings and swap some shifts around to be on that particular shift if she wasn't already scheduled.

Completely fine for you to not want someone you know at the birth! Just let her know asap: “Hi Friend, DH and I have just been looking at my birth plan and making sure everything is as we would like it to be. This has made us realise how intimate this will be, and we’d prefer it if someone else was on duty for the operation. If you’re around the ward at any point afterwards, we’d love you to stop by for a meet & greet with the newbie!” (Or something like that).

Not the same, but I’m pregnant and had a doctor’s appointment the other day. While he was poking me about he was keeping my mind off it by chatting about what I do for a living. Long story short, I work with his sister. Kind of wish I’d found that out at any other point during the appointment 😂😂

Having had recent dealings with our local hospital, not in maternity though. I would want someone who cares about me advocating if necessary, who knows what's what
Unfortunately it seems that who you know matters more and more with the NHS

We had a similar situation and I found it very reassuring.

Just be honest. Especially if anything goes wrong you don't want to fall out

If it helps, two and a half hours into second stage with DC1, a doctor was called with a view to ventouse or forceps. I looked at the doctor, she looked at me, we both had the same expression of horror! The last time I'd seen her was during lunchbreak at school when we used to go back to my house and race down the stairs on bean bags!

I think DC picked up on the shock. He suddenly shot out of me so fast that he almost hit the wall opposite!

Doctor made a hasty retreat and not a word of recognition was said...!

Is she a nurse or midwife? Just because they usually have very different roles in an obstetric theatre. I would want to know in what capacity she is there.

I used to work in maternity. Sometimes someone I knew would end up on my list of postnatal mums. Everyone is different. Some people find it reassuring having someone they know take care of them, some prefer someone they don't know at all.

Those working in maternity aren't offended at all if a mother requests alternative care, and we let the mother know it's an option to request it.

Let your friend know honestly how you feel. I guarantee she won't mind at all.

This, absolutely !