Traumatic birth - help?

[Chaoscontrol]

I don't really know where to start. I am 6 weeks pp and starting to feel slightly human...

I ended up with an emergency c section after an incredibly long labour, I started induction 2 days prior. Baby was safe, just very stuck and back to back. Yes, ouch.

I am struggling a lot mentally to process her birth, I wasn't the first one to hold her, I didn't see her be actually born, I was in so much pain for her first days and feel so guilty.

Where do I start with trying to process and accept this? I'm very triggered by people asking, or talking about it. When I look at my scar or think about the day she was born, I sob with sadness sometimes more than happiness and it feels so wrong.

Any advice would be great or an idea on how to start dealing with this.

Oh goodness, that sounds really hard. Child birth is physically brutal and then there's a sense of being left to just get on with it.

My first was nowhere near as tough as yours but I still had a sense of "my birth" being taken from me and I cried when I unpacked my unused hospital bag... Music, massage etc etc none used and I just felt let down if that makes sense. So while I'm not comparing as such but just to show that these feelings are totally valid.

I don't have a huge amount of advice I'm sorry but just didn't want to read and run. Does your hospital offer postnatal briefing? I think they have to do it if you ask within 6 months. Also it might be worth speaking to HV/ GP. If your daughter is 6 weeks has she had her 6 week check yet? Speak to your GP about your feelings 💐

My birth was similar and probably worse and it took me 6 months to start to feel human again. I had PTSD and I am still having CBT for it. Please go to mum and baby groups. That massively helped me. These days it is probably 75% of women having c sections. It is in my mum friend groups anyway and I have made a lot of mum friends. It really gave me solace to know I was not alone and so many mums face this. Definitely chase down a birth de brief and talk to your health visitor about your feelings. You probably need a referral to perinatal mental health who will be useful. The maternity system in the uk is extremely broken and a lot of women are mistreated during childbirth and have their bodily autonomy taken from them which is why it is so traumatising. Sending love 💐 you are not alone x

Congratulations first of all!

I'm afraid I don't have any practical advice but I had a similar experience and got no help, and I'm still a bit affected by it several years on. Only the other day DH suggested paying for some therapy when babies came up in a discussion. Whatever you can find please seize with both hands! Of course this was just my experience, everyone is different and you'll likely avoid the same by talking about it now 😊.

Don't let people fob you off with "it was worth it, you've got a healthy baby" and all that - your experience and your trauma is valid and you need to process it. Start with your midwife or health visitor and be very clear about how it has affected you. You're a hero for getting through it💐.

Time was the thing that helped the most. In retrospect I should have been offered some sort of help. But time was enough

I had a really similar birth experience. Just came to add that my biggest worry was bonding.. baby and I have an amazing bond, I missed out on all the firsts and skin to skin etc, but breastfeed and we couldn’t be closers I hope with time you heal!

It does get better, but you must not feel it’s in any way wrong to feel sad about a traumatic birth.

I felt like I hadn’t given birth because DCs birth was general anaesthetic emergency c section. I didn’t see him until the next day, I was not allowed to hold him. They looked after him well in NICU but the hospital care I received was awful.

Do you have possibility of support group or counselling? Praps via NCT

Please speak to your HV or GP about how you’re feeling OP. I had a traumatic birth but time and some talking therapy several months after helped. You are still early days at 6 weeks postpartum so hormones are all over the show, but you are not alone and your feelings are valid

Hi OP.
I think the (free) NHS Birth Debrief service is still available. I had it 9 years ago when I was expecting DC2. Someone got my file out and we talked through the events. Cried bucketloads but I feel it helped me to deal with my traumatic experience.

this. Our hospital called it birth reflections - I had ptsd after mine. Didn’t get help for 2 years but then felt like me again after some counselling. Ask for help it can make such a difference 💐

Agreed with the debrief/birth reflections service.

My second labour and birth went much like yours. Four day induction (vast majority of that was fortunately boring, painless, and spent waiting for a bed). Then followed the best part of 12 hours on the drip with a back to back, stuck baby, eventually resulting in an emergency C-section. Bit of a shock after my first was born vaginally despite the beginning being much the same (induction, though no wait, and best part of 12 hours on the drip). At least I had the benefit of working in maternity, so I knew and understood much of what was going on.

DC2 was as difficult a baby as his birth had been, and I developed a bit of PPD. While I wasn't traumatised, I hoped that perhaps going through the events of that day might help me gain some closure as to why his birth had been so different to his big sister's.

And it did. While I remembered a fair amount of what happened, the later stages of it were fuzzy, and my recall of some of the timings were way off. Then a couple of things that I hadn't been made aware of came up. Prominently that DC2 had had a particularly bad deceleration in theatre shortly before the operation started. At the time I vaguely remember the CTG alarm going off and asking if he was ok, but I was so tired at the time I hadn't connected the dots. It certainly explained why they had rushed to start rather than wait for my husband to arrive (which he did shortly after the incision was made). Had that decel not happened inside a theatre I would have been rushed to theatre as a Cat 1 instead. The midwife equally empathised that baby was undeliverable vaginally as he was, and in the extreme unlikelihood I had managed to make it to fully I would have needed forceps for certain. The choice to go to theatre was the correct one.

I came away feeling better about it all. DC2 is 2 now, and time (and him growing up) has certainly helped heal. For what it's worth, despite his birth, and the PPD, we've always had an incredible bond. He's been a mummy's boy since day dot.

I hope things get better for you soon. ❤️

It’s 34% not 75. And that’s still statistically higher than it should be.

Can you talk to your partner and get him to gently have a word with family and others around to let them know you've had a difficult time and if you need some longer time to recover they're aware. Use birth befrief service when ready and chat to gp or midwife in interim. If your in a state of fight or flight use practices that can calm your body from outside in / hot showers, deep breathing massage etc. Take your time recovering and be gentle on yourself

Hi OP

im a week PP with my 3rd. Your story sounds very much like mine, only luckily I didn’t end up in a c section, but I was induced, bleeding a lot through labour and again after delivery. He was back to back and remained high up the whole time until pushing, which took ages and was horrifically painful. I felt so afraid through the whole thing and completely out of control.

he’s such a beautiful baby and I’m so happy but also feel very upset and shaken by the whole thing. Especially after 2 previous births that were very quick and amazing and calm. I feel very anxious about everything now. Especially my PP bleeding, it’s becoming quite obsessive for me to keep checking it.

so I have no advice for you, but just want you to know that you’re not alone and it’s a very scary place to be xx

Hi op, therapist here. I'd access some trauma focused treatment via your gp on tje nhs, either cbt or emdr (both as effective as each other) you will be prioritised as post natal so should be seen quite quick. The therapist can help you work through your experience in a safe environment good luck