I'm pathetic! I know!

[OatcakeCravings]

I'm 28 weeks pregnant and its suddenly hit me that I am going to have to give birth! (I'm not really sure why I didn't connect the dots before now....)

The thing is I am totally terrified...of the pain...of the hospital...of the midwives and doctors...of the aftercare...of a c section...of an epidural...of everything really! Everytime I think about it it makes me cry.

Did anyone else feel this way and how did you cope? I'm not going to speak to my midwife as she is very old school and will just tell me to get a grip!

Hello! I was terrified of all of the same things too with each of my births plus I knew I was having big babies each time which just added to the fear! I think it is very common!

I don't know how I coped though, one day at a time I guess. Positive thinking helped too and the knowledge that there would be much pain relief available if I wanted it.

Also, by the time you reach the final weeks of your pregnancy you will be so fed up with being pg that you will look forward to getting baby out! The human body knows what it is doing and will help you through it all. I was lucky enough to have fab MWs during my labours with DS2 and DD too and it really makes a difference as they coach and encourage you.

Plus you get a scrummy baby at the end of it all so it is all worth it!

i felt like that at first.

we joined the nct and went to their antenatal classes which explain all about the birth and met some nice people who we still see on a regular basis.

by the time you get to your due date,you'll just want to get the baby out, you'll be sooo uncomfortable anyway.

there's no denying it, it really does hurt,more than anything else.

if you want really really good care, midwifery and aftercare then i'd recommend a home birth,you get really well looked after.

ask for a different midwife as their support can make a massive difference.

I dont think you would be normal if you didn't have at least one point during pregnancy where the realisation of giving birth didn't hit you.

Mines been the last few weeks and with DD1 and DD2 I remember points of sobbing where I had got myself so worked up!!!

It's the unkwown that I dont like but like everyone else says towards the end I was just glad to have baby on it's way!

if you can , get a doula to support you, hold your hand, and offer you antenatal support and preparation for the birth . she can also be with for the birth itself.

perfectly normal to have a panic. you need to talk it through with someone sympathetic and do some inspiring reading that presents birth as a positive experience, and something that is copeable with

Oatcakes, I felt exactly the same but by thee time it came, I was like 'bring it on' I just wanted to have my own experience, I was fed up of people telling me of their experiences etc

The advantage of being terrified is it properly isn't going to be as bad as you think. My labour lasted 5 hours from start to finish and I was most worried about stictches, I ended up with a few but not really any pain after and we were back to normal (if you know what I mean) about 4 weeks after the birth.

I don't think there is anything anyone can say to put your mind at rest, but it is not a horrible experience, yes its scary because you don't know exactly what will happen. All I can say is I am 32 weeks pregnant (had my son 2 years ago) and I am certainly not dreading labour this time, yes i still have worries but mostly I'm just looking forward to having that little buddle placed in my arms!!
Congratulations, and good luck, try not to worry enjoy your pregnancy.

xxx

You are no more daft than me. When expecting my first I was quite firm in my believe that the baby would either be a boy or a girl as if there was a 3rd option!!

Yeah I was in denial about the whole giving birth thing until I was told I was 10 cm and could push when I felt the urge. Until then I don't know what I was thinking.

oatcake - calm down. If it were so bad no one would ever have more than one. I had 3 and the only reason I didn't have more was the laundry, which increases exponentially with every baby. Oh and the small matter of finances, and the fact that dh didn't want any more ... anyway, it wasn't fear of delivery.

Have you had any antenatal classes? From your panic, it sounds like you haven't. Knowing what to expect, and what your options are might help you. Epidural is not the only pain relief. Personally I was more scared of possible long term damage than of pain during childbirth. If you have ever had period pains you have some idea of what a contraction feels like.

If your midwife tells you to get a grip she is the one with the problem! I think everyone feels this way...
Whatever your experience turns out to be, you will get through it! I had a horrible time, but still look back on it as one of the best days of my life because it's the day I got to meet my little girl for the first time. And I'd do it all again!
If I were you, I would find out as much as possible about everything, and think about how YOU want things to be - in whatever scenario - this way you can stay in control even if things don't go completely to plan!

I had a spell of feeling like that when i bought my first pair of maternity jeans and was thinking dear god, how am i going to get this baby out, it's going to be HUGE. I enrolled on a hypnobirthing course and found that such a help. I ended up needing a section but was quite calm about the whole thing, one of the theatre nurses said i was one of the most relaxed women she'd met in that situation. Knowledge is power and good preparation and support wil make a big difference to how you feel.

My midwife told me not to worry too much. She said, yes it will hurt but it's just one day out of your whole life, and you will have a beautiful baby at the end of it.

Which kinda helped me, putting it in terms of one day of pain but a lifetime of rewards.

I found that reading everything I could lay my hands on about labour and birth really helped. Think it sort of desensitised me to what was to come!

Understanding the whole process really helped me, and I found that by reading loads about it, I had an idea of most of the potential paths my labour could take (including the things that could go wrong, didn't want stuff to be a shock if I did end up having to have an emergency c section for example) and I felt a bit more prepared. Still a bit apprehensive certainly but be kind to yourself, you'll undergo a physically demanding experience that will hurt so you might be a bit loopy if you weren't a tiny bit fearful!

Good luck- you CAN do it x

try reading a book on lamaze natural birthing, airy fairy stuff aside, it really gave me confidence in my body's natural and perfectly capable ability to give birth. it is our function as a woman, your body is designed to give birth and you will cope, just like millions and billions of women have before you and it is only a day of your life.

i'm 17 weeks now and i've already had the jitters so i bought this book abd its really helped. no doubt the jitters will come back at a later date but i've marked the pages i found really helpful and will re read them to calm and reassure myself.

all the best oatcake

this really helped me look at www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aht0HqI7GSw

I used to be unable to go to sleep as I was so fearful about birth and what could happen. I then read up on everything I could find about birth and pain relief (excellent recommendation from other people) and calmed down a bit. The next thing I knew I was waking up in the night panicking about what I was going to do once the baby was out, so had to do a bit more reading about that!

Seriously, it all seems perfectly normal to me to be worried (and frankly I'm still pretty anxious this time round) and I was always a bit suspicious of the other first time women I knew who assured me that they were really calm and confident about the whole thing. I couldn't help thinking they were a little bit dim.

Hi, if your anxiety is really getting to you ( and, TBH, even if it isn't!) I can really recommend Hypnobirthing classes. I've not given birth yet, but couldn't even talk about the 'labour bit' beforehand first time around, very anxious and could feel it building up 2nd time as well- until I went to the classes. Sounds very hippy and dramatic but the course helped me completely and- gulp- I'm looking forward to the birth this time.
Someone else who was doing the course was doing it purely because her midwife told her to- due to her anxiety levels!
Are you definately seeing the same midwife everytime? It could be next time you see a more approachable midwife and can talk to her about your anxieties, but I strongly recommend hypnobirthing.
The idea with hypnobirthing is your birthing partner keeps you relaxed and calm, so you shouldn't experience pain (I'll let you know on that one!!) and they say being calm can help reduce your chances of problems during pregnancy,and help with 'normal labour' and interventions if that's what happens.
I can recommend a teacher in West Yorkshire, but there are loads.

hi there. i think what you feel is totally normal. but trust me, by the end of it (depending how fit you are, from 34 weeks or something like this) you will be so uncomfortable and huge you will be willing to go through ANYTHING to get the thing- oops baby!- out!

on a more serious note- antenatal classes are a great way to build up confidence. there are some very good books out there too- ina may gaskin is one that springs to mind.

and hypnobirthing/visualisation cds are i think very good too. didn't use one for my first birth but am listening to one now and i find the fact that it very calmly walks you through a labour reharsal really helpful and reassuring. not to mention understanding the physiology of labour (ie what are contractions and how they work etc) really makes sense!

trust me, you will be AMAZED by what your body can do.

good luck!